It is hard to imagine a mistake drawing so much interest, but this is Disney mind you. No one cares about the film. A company which prides itself on an image of saccharine drenched goodness that could never, ever, have an impure thought. That's what Miramax and Touchstone are for. If Disney was Adam, he not only wouldn't eat the apple, his jaws simply couldn't move. He probably couldn't even see or acknowledge that the apple existed. This is what Disney has wanted us to think. Song of the South continues to be buried because it might offend someone (remember, history is secondary to political correctness.) Never mind the role that the victims of the Atlantic slave trade played in our culture, or that the bow to Uncle Remus is a dignification of the way these African folktales endured, shifting to incorporate the new American landscape. This Disney in the garden of Eden can have no such thoughts. Its' eyes must be blank to everything that does not sing of goodness. Note the parental warning on the completely innocuous Lion King. Why do I keep finding a line from Gamera coming to mind: "Oh look, it's Disney, the friend of all children!" *yawns*
But in 1998 we find that Disney thinks that a long time ago it saw the apple, though they aren't sure. Maybe the point of releasing this is to prove to us that they could draw proto versions of Mumra and Skeletor, but it's more entertaining to wonder what it was that made them bury this thing, and then bury the shovel. True, The Black Cauldron isn't a good film, nor is it horrible. In many ways, this is probably far more watchable then much of everything else by Disney if you are over the age of 6. Indeed, The Black Cauldron is tame for anyone who's moved past the big purple dinosaur. True, you get to see the undead run around a bit, but after 30 seconds of screen time, Disney decides that's more then enough. Heaven forbid Evil (TM) actually get a shot at taking over the world (which apparently only involves some gut wrenching fairies, and an old man and a pig). In short, what separates this from the snore-fest of other Disney films is quite a minor thing. That being big flaming skulls and one of the main characters (temporarily) dying; something which hasn't been allowed since Walt himself passed away.
Historically though, there is a reason The Black Cauldron happened, and that is what makes this film even more of a curiosity. Boring as history is, I should review it though. The Black Cauldron followed after Bluth and several other animators left Disney for being everything I have just leveled at them. Of course, all their defiant cries mustered only one truly deviant (deviant from the Disney standard) film, The Secret of NIMH. The deviancy lies in the lack of music numbers, the appearance of blood (a first!) and the general lack of illumination (i.e., it is dark literally). The Black Cauldron was an excellent counter since it was also based on a Newbery award winning book (Alexander, 1965), also has no musicals, and probably managed to mangle the plot with equal proficiency as Bluth. What Disney did no manage however was that more intangible accomplishment called atmosphere.
Ultimately, The Black Cauldron feels like Disney going through the motions with a great deal of uncertainty as to what they are doing, or why. Styles are mixed in the most unconvincing way: the darker (though no more competently) evoked mood of the earlier parts of this film are blasted apart by things, like the little furry companion I am calling 'Gerkins' because none of the names are memorable nor standard. Gerkins is a monkey like creature that should have been slain before getting off the drawing board, but he's our problem now. I've already mentioned the fairies which nearly killed my roommate when we watched this film (and he likes Disney!) Then there are the witches, who in character I rather like, but they couldn't have possibly drawn in a more boring manner. Lets see, witches. Lets see, green skin, unkept hair, and...well maybe a wart or two. When did our animators become this unimaginative?
The witches bring to mind a scene which is my vote for renting this film. In their (the main characters, I haven't described them yet because the are among the worst variety of non-characters you can imagine) first encounter with the witches, one of the 'good guys' is turned into a frog, which leaps between the breasts of one of the witches, during which time we get to watch the frog squirm along with plenty of giggling for a solid minute. I've heard the rumors that there are some very lonely animators, but this scene may be one of the strangest for Disney yet.
Well I guess that brings me to the main characters. I guess I must sadly admit to you, poor reader, that this is yet another 'coming of age' story. Yet another pre-teen who wants to be a hero and in the end becomes one. This is a general process of life--coming of age--but hey, in the form of pig-boy finding his own identity in his combat with death incarnate, what could be more fun? Well probably anything from getting drunk, sleeping, falling down a flight of stairs...
Pig Boy (that is really what he is called by his enemies, and I am his enemy), is accompanied by a far more practical (but equally shallow) princess, and a minstrel (read: comic relief). The story seems to revolve around a moralistic question posed to pig-boy: Which is of greater value, power and fame or friends? This wouldn't hurt so much if that friend wasn't Jerkin. Yep, you guessed it, that furry plague which managed to completely derail the film in the earlier half returns as the film's primary crux!
The plot itself (what remains of it) seems rather forgettable. The dark one, death, whatever his name is, seeks the black cauldron by which he can raise an army of dead and take over the world. To find it they seek a pig which gives visions, and hence enters our (cough) hero, who then decides to find and destroy the black cauldron. And while I am taking pot shots, the animation is substandard too!
So, did this deserve to be buried as though Disney had created something far more embarrassing then they ever wanted anyone in our modern age to know? I hardly find it worse then the unimaginative drivel they have been so good at pumping out since Walt passed on. It suffers in the way most of their films suffer, but does seem a tad confused on who it was intended for.
To wrap this up, since I abandoned trying to make a coherent point several paragraphs ago, go see The Black Cauldron for the boobs. And incidentally, Disney's claim to innocence must be taken with a grain of salt, since via Mirimax they are also responsible for Starship Troopers--my vote for most excessively and humorously violent show of our decade. I don't think anyone has been fooled.
Thanks to Cosmic Chris for the review! If you want to submit a review, or have a comment, or want to attempt the impossible job of defending He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, drop me a line at gleep9@hotmail.com. Shuffle out of here in a limited animation way to either the movie or main page.
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