Celebrator Doppelbock:

This is one of those crazy expensive beers I picked up on recommendation. Six bottles runs for about $17 at Yankee Spirits, so I'm sure it would cost more elsewhere. Is it worth about $3 a bottle? Well given that you'd pay $5 a glass for a far less pleasing beer at a bar it all comes down to your booze spending habits. I probably won't be buying more, but that's entirely due to the fine alternatives reviewed below (which cost far less.)

The Celebrator Doppelbock is a really fine beer. Like so many other good Bavarian beers, this one pours with little head, and looks like a glass of coke. I've tried to find out what exactly a doppelbock is without any definitive answer. The most consistent reply seems to be that doppelbocks are strong, hearty beers with higher alcohol content. There are unfortunately no sign posts when it comes to beer. Two colas may be very similar but two doppelbocks may be completely different. I've certainly had a few that were less than satisfying. Obviously The Celebrator* is at the other end of the spectrum. Among one of the best beers I've had, the Celebrator is SLIGHTLY sweet with a very rich taste. It is not so sweet however as to make it incompatible with a meal. Instead it has a rich, interesting flavor that warrants drinking it in nearly any situation. And that merits a short story:

Last week I was having a particularly bad day. Everything was going wrong and as if to signal the final blow, my cat positioned himself next to my glass of soda, and while looking at me quite deliberately punched the glass over (yes, punched--it wasn't an accident). At this point, everyone in the house knew I was in a bad mood, and while the cat felt more like teasing me over it, a sympathetic tenant went right for the fridge and grabbed me a bottle of The Celebrator. And indeed, this is a beer to pull you out of slumps, yet its extraordinary price should guarantee that you reserve it for special occasions.

But the beer alone is really only part of what makes The Celebrator such a fantastic beer. While many other beers have more or less uninteresting packaging, The Celebrator is quite regal. To begin with, the logo sports two rams fighting over a giant glass of the stuff, but the glass itself features a brown ale with a huge foaming head. If animals were going to fight over a beer, this would be one of my first picks, but clearly they've got the wrong beer in the picture. Who knows, maybe that's why they are fighting. In fact, I don't even know if they are fighting. They could be trying to lick the beer or hug it. I can't tell, and it's a better logo for it.

But The Celebrator doesn't stop there. If you're going to have a great logo with beer hugging rams, you need to go all the way--and The Celebrator does just that. Each bottle comes with a tiny toy ram that dangles from the neck of the bottle. Less trustworthy stores might take the toys for themselves, so be sure all of your toys are included when you make your purchase. The ornaments would look great hanging on a Christmas tree, though they actually (to my amazement) stand on their own. This is my first beer to come with a toy, and I'm not really sure what to do with them, but it's nice to know that the manufacturers went 'all the way'.

So why include toys? Why include logos of wild rams worshipping (?) glasses of beer? My boy, it's all about romanticism. As pointed out in other beer articles on this page, beer is 90% lie, but it's the kind of lie we want with our beer. If you go on to read the article that comes with your package of Ayinger's Celebrator, you'll read all about a fanciful Bavaria, a romantic version of the 1516 Purity Law (since when has a law ever been romantic?) and best of all, this quote:

"Outside the city of Munich--famous all over the world for its beer and folklore tradition--Aying Brewery has its home amidst splendid forests and green meadows."

The entire article is superb, but this line in particular (beer and folklore!) really captures the imagination. I would go so far as to crediting The Celebrator as providing the perfect image of a romantic beer. The beer of our forefathers, the beer of our heroes, the beer of our Jungian archetypes. I have yet to try the Viking skullsplitter beer, but despite having a Viking warrior on the front it is hard to imagine that someone is going to out do The Celebrator.

*I have come to refer to many beers as 'the' beer, whatever it happens to be called. Hence, The Celebrator, The Optimator, etc. Does it really sound correct asking for a glass of optimator? I'd rather have a glass of The Optimator, or a bottle of The Optimator, or whatever container it comes packaged in. There are probably several other beers that don't deserve a 'the' in their title, but this isn't a can of 'the' bud, so to make this distinction and pretend that drinking strange beers is more of a manly hobby than an excuse to get drunk, I will continue to refer to these beers as 'the'!

Sam Adams Double Bock

This is the first time I noticed that the bottles actually say Sam and not Samuel. Perhaps it is to prevent confusion with Samuel Smith? Supposedly Mr. Adams never went by Sam, and only his rivals called him such. Still at this late date it's probably all for the best that the old gent is recalled at all and warmly at that. So what has Sam got in store for us this month? For a patriotic beer, Sam's attempt at a double bock or doppelbock or heavy, flavorful german beer is pleasant surprise. First off, one is left to wonder why. Aren't german beers left best to Bavarian monks or something like that? It is definitely unexpected, though without a doubt, Sam has once again produced a beer I thoroughly enjoy.

Like The Celebrator, Sam's double bock (I'm not going to call it The Sam Adams, that's just redundant) pours with little head and once again has the color and consistency of a cola. Sam's is sweeter than the Celebrator, though with a bitter after taste that at first seems quite shocking given the smell and initial sweetness. It doesn't go very well with a meal (OK, I admit it, I had it with burger king and probably NOTHING goes with that) because of its strong taste, though it is a great tasting beer alone. I dub thee desert beer! Without saying much more, this is a rewarding change from Sam Adams proper, and once you consider how much cheaper this is than The Celebrator, you'll no doubt come to the same conclusion I did that Sam's domestically made beer almost eliminates the need to shop about for foreign brew. Well, it at least satiates one's craving for it until there's more spare cash lying about. A fine new flavor from Sam Adams brewery and one I hope they keep around a while.

The Spaten Optimator

Here is my introduction to dark german beers and one of my favorites! It's also another one of those old beers*, dating back to around 1397. Trust me, nothing says class like drinking a beer that supposedly originates from before the founding of the US. You can go farther by the way. The dogfish beer company (or is it dogheadfish, I don't remember), reproduced a beer from molecules found inside a flask dating some 3 or 4 thousand years old. Pretty decent stuff, though I think post Christ beer has definitely got a leg up on the BC variety.

Ah, back to The Optimator. This one has more head, and subsequently the brew itself does not have that same carbonated cola look the other two have, but it looks just as dark. What really makes all the difference with the Optimator is taste--and here I mean complimentary taste. The Optimator is a perfect beer for meals. There is no sweetness but rather a bread-like taste that is sharp but totally lacking in a bitter or chalky after taste. Perhaps what is so wonderful about The Optimator is there really isn't much subtlety, its just a flat out great tasting beer that many call a dopplebock but it doesn't have the dense, multi-textured tastes of the former two beers. The Optimator's straight forward taste is what makes it so appealing, versatile, and consistent. This one goes down easy (if you are the sort looking to get smashed off the stuff), but has more than enough flavor and charm for those who want to enjoy the beer for its taste. It also costs about the same as a domestic, so if you're lucky enough to find it, I wholly recommend you at least give the Optimator a chance.

*Anytime you see dates on beers you may come to question the legitimacy of these claims. One abbey ale for instance claims to have originated only some 80 years after the birth of Christ. I take all such dates with a grain of salt as local brewers such as Sam Adams have taught us to do. Though I can't say much about Spaten nor Ayinger, Sam Adams (the modern brewer) came into existance no earlier than the 1980's, and Sam's favorite lager originates from the same period. Indeed, I suspect that in all ways our modern Sam Adams is superior to whatever it was the brewer-patriot sold with little success. Do such beers as The Optimator really date to the 1300's? As in keeping with the true romanticism of beer, I should prefer not to know and take the claims of the brewers at face value.

Thanks Chris! If you want to wax romantic about beer drop me a line at gleep9@hotmail.com. Either order another round or head on back to the Beer or Main page.