I heard once that the play Hamlet changes for it's audience depending upon the age of the viewer. The play you saw when you were sixteen is not the same play you will see when you're thirty two. Because the character of Hamlet will often have the fears and beliefs of the audience projected onto him the actions he takes in the play will create a different response based upon the age the audience is when they saw that particular production. I'm not sure if the same theory can be applied to Godzilla but over the years my impression of Godzilla vs Hedorah has changed even though the movie itself has remained the same.

Godzilla vs Hedorah [Gojira tai Hedora, Godzilla vs the Smog Monster] has a plot that can be described in a fairly straightforward manner. The pollution on Earth in general and Japan in particular has created a perfect breeding ground for Hedorah, a space tadpole that somehow came to Earth from a meteor or some other cosmic trash heap where it was originally born. Okay, maybe that isn't as straightforward as I thought. There's a big, mucky monster that Godzilla has to fight, that's all you need to know. Along for the ride is Ken Yano [Hiroyuki Kawase] a kid in short pants who not only seems to have some sort of connection to Godzilla but seems to be dating a go-go dancer [Keiko Mari as Miki Fujiyama] ten years his senior as well. At first I thought she was dating Yukio [Toshio Shiba], a guy who inexplicably hangs out with Ken's family a lot, but when Yukio meets his end due to projectile sliming nobody really seems to care. Poor Yukio, he seemed like a nice guy too, what with being willing to spend time with that precocious Ken and organizing a go-go party on top of Mt. Fuji and all.

I seem to be wandering off topic a lot in this review but the movie doesn't have the most traditional giant monster movie structure either so I'm keeping with the spirit of GvH by being wildly erratic. The movie comes across like it was supposed to drive home a simple point to viewers -especially younger ones- that polluting the ocean is a bad idea. A noble sentiment to be sure. Somewhere along the way, however, the movie turned into Godzilla's Fabulous Freak-Out. There are animation segments that are trippy in the way only early 1970's animation can be that sort of underscore the themes of the plot. The movie will break everything and have Ken read school essays. At one point the movie stops to show a slide show of the universe in order to discuss a theory of Hedorah's origin. A scene that I think is supposed to demonstrate the confusion and chaos of understanding public opinion features a screen split up into blocks of squabbling people, like a bickering version of The Brady Bunch. That image quickly degenerates into silliness as the people are joined by such surreal images as a bouncing cartoon skull and Godzilla himself. The whole thing becomes too much for the movie and the screens switch to blipping colors and noise. The movie then goes on with the plot as if nothing had happened. It would be one thing if GvH had a few little deviations such as those but the entire movie is like that.

Even the monsters end up being odd in GvH. In some movies the monsters come across as inexplicable forces of nature, with their exact feelings and thoughts as big a mystery as their appearance. Other times they come across like guys in rubber suits. Hedorah is easily the dumbest monster I've seen in some time. Although he goes slumps about, burping out pollution and going on the obligatory rampages that are part and parcel for monsters you never get the feeling anyone is home in that giant sludge body. Any monster that can become mesmerized by car headlights is a dim, dim monster indeed.

For all the personality Hedorah is lacking Godzilla more than makes up for. At this point in his "career" Godzilla had become a heroic friend of humanity and especially of children. Going from heel to hero also gave Godzilla a lot more energy. He jumps, bobs, weaves, and belches himself through the air. For a gigantic monster he's surprisingly quick on his feet. My personal favorite bit in the movie is during one battle where Godzilla feints to the left then comes in with a sucker punch from the right that catches Hedorah straight in the eye. That's the sort of slap-happy pugilism I can appreciate.

Not only is Godzilla as bouncy as a typical five year old who is running up and down the aisles of a typical Godzilla screening he's also impossibly bright. At one point the Japanese army tries to lure Hedorah into this giant electrically charged metal half pipe thing. Naturally, it doesn't work. But the unexpected part is that Godzilla turns on the machine without having any clue how it works or what it is supposed to be used for. How did he know how to do that? Either he had been listening in on the conversations the humans had been having -which means he either has very good hearing or the humans were really unobservant about who was ease dropping- or he had read what the machine could do in the script. By this point in GvH either explanation is believable.

But what am I, as a member of the audience, supposed to think about this movie? What is my reaction supposed to be when Godzilla fries, gleefully dismembers, and then fries Hedorah some more while peppy music blares away on the soundtrack? For the sake of argument let's take the throw-away scene where Yukio drinks too much and hallucinates that everyone in the club he's at have giant fish heads instead of normal human faces. [Side note: I must be a lightweight or something because I've never ingested enough alcohol to make me start to hallucinate. What was Yukio drinking?] When I saw that scene as a small lad I thought that the image was a visual message from the film-maker that was supposed to convey some sort of meaning that eluded me -although I may not have used that exact terminology when I was seven- or the bit was just plain weird. Now that I am much older and slightly brighter I look at that scene and think... well, that either the film-maker's intention for that shot eludes me or it's just plain weird. Perhaps that wasn't the best of examples.

I honestly thought I was going somewhere with this review. Trouble is, now that I've thought about it the only thing that's changed in the intervening years is that instead of simply suspecting I am now certain that GvsH is sloppy and goofy. One thing that has changed is my appreciation of the attempt. Trying something new and different is admirable but trying something and failing in the most spectacular manner possible is an event that can provide it's own unique form of entertainment. GvsH may not be a success but it's an original attempt at presenting a story makes it unique among Godzilla movies. If someone can make a movie that is weird even by the standards of Godzilla films that is a feat that should be commended. That, and scenes of Godzilla whomping on another monster are always entertaining regardless of what format they are presented in.

Questions and comments of the non-toxic pollution variety can be sent to gleep9@hotmail.com. If you're finished saving the earth head on back to the G Movie or G Main page.