Dear Ishmael,

I am writing this email in order to bring your attention to iVille Software Inc.'s new Internet Distance Education Infrastructure, www.studybox.com.

Your email address was carefully obtained from the Web in our search for the perfect candidates to become part of our first group of StudyBox.com instructors.

StudyBox was founded on the principle that people have the knowledge, information, and resources, ranging from the empirical to academic that can be turned into an information commodity. We at iVille Software Inc., a provider of Internet Education Infrastructure, will launch www.studybox.com very shortly and would like to discuss the benefits you would receive by sharing your information commodity on www.studybox.com. Your information commodity can be acquired and be transformed into a "Course" at our StudyBox CyberCampus with a few clicks of the mouse. The instructors have FULL control to price the "Course" at their prerogative based upon value, presentation and demand.

With the explosive growth of the Internet, there is a pressing need for organized and interactive methods of sharing knowledge and building a knowledge based community. We at iVille Software Inc. are excited to recognize this great opportunity to provide a marketplace and platform for people with specific knowledge content to share and teach at will while earning money for their information and services. StudyBox.com is an easy to use, intuitive and well thought out environment. iVilleSoftware Inc. is currently aligning with the biggest names on the net and academic world. We anticipate enormous amount of exposure and strategic alliances to be formed in the upcoming months.

I would personally like to invite you once again to join us as a StudyBox instructor in exploring the possibilities of becoming a content provider on the net, and be rewarded beyond your expectations.

Thank you for your time and I sincerely hope that we can start a dialogue at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely yours,

[guy who's in charge of sending me spam]

Associate, Business Development

First off, nothing impresses me more than when I receive an invitation made out to my internet nickname. But what was it that inspired them to direct this junk mail my way? Just what is it that I've contributed to the world wide web that would make them think that I would be an appropriate person to respond to their pitch? Was it something on my page? Somehow I don't think snarky movie reviews and pics of Godzilla really rank as something that someone would be willing to pay top dollar to research. I zinged this message past my fellow shriners to get their take on this odd situation.

First, Shriner Evans piped in:

Prof. M___ "Big Daddy" Ishmael's Down Home School of Divinity - Correspondants College Pascaguela, Mississippi

You are missing the point here. This man is offering you money for jam. You simply offer a course. Let us turn to The Simpsons for guidance. Patty and Selma taught a course on pleasing your man, Lenny taught a course in spitting tobacco, and Homer taught a course in how to make relationships work. You can teach a course in something lofty like Philosophy or something simple like basket weaving. Three credits offered for basket weaving means high demand which means more money, according demand.

"The instructors have FULL control to price the "Course" at their prerogative based upon value, presentation and demand."

Think of the shining example you will set. Guerrilla warfare by Dr. M. Ishmael, LLD, PCD, and D.Phil. Or just post the letter on your website for a larf.

-Evans,B.Shit

Then Marcus suggested I offer a course on that favorite pastime of the 1980's -stalking:

Dr. Ishmael,
Prof. of the acquisitions, aka stalking

section 1:
Acquiring a target
section 2:
letting the target know you exist
section 3:
getting turned down by target
section 4:
how to find out info about the target
section 5:
following the target without their knowledge
section 6:
send anonymous gifts
section 7:
the importance of a loud ticking clock
section 8:
how to survive in jail

--here is your first sylabus

Perhaps I should take this group on their offer. Perhaps I can make the world safe for for-profit internet sites. Then again, I think I'll take Micah's advice and just mock them instead.

Do you have some e-mail that I can deride? If so, send it to gleep9@hotmail.com and I'll happily laugh at it. Now scoot on out of here to either the Pop Culture or Main page.

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