OMMEGANG:

Ok, so there are better 'Belgian-style Abbey Ales'. To those who haven't been messin' around with weirder beers, that's a heavy, dopplebach type beer. In fact, Ommegang leans a little toward what Arrogant Bastard has called a 'wine-ale'! Now I like the sound of that: Wine-ale. Why bother just drinking beer or wine? Have both! Actually reminds me rather inscrutably of a quote from Mystery Science Theatre 3000. It was a science fiction movie of course, and the setting a bar with stain glass windows. One of the bots immediately shouted out: "Look, a church bar." I don't know why I remember this, but I'm always tempted to shout out with similar inflection: "Look, a wine-beer".

Wine-beers have high alcohol content (one of their major advantages) and instead of coming in the standard beer bottle, they come in corked 750 ml bottles. This makes two beautiful frothing glasses of wine-beer, so you can share it with someone. A good example of this is a genuine Belgian abbey-ale called Affligem, as is the US made 'Old Stone Guardian' by Arrogant Bastard brewing company (they actually refer to it as a barley wine-style ale). The problem is that both of these are more expensive--Affligem rings in around $5-6, while Old Stone Guardian is a solid $8 (worth every penny!)

But this doesn't mean there is no room for a cheaper alternative to this "rich, fruity, aromatic, burgundian brew" (read: heavy, lethargic, brain numbing, wake-up-in-the-alley-brew), for it is called Ommegang. It's kind of a weird name--their other beers (similar style, different flavors) are the Hennipen and the Rare Vos. Of the three I'll take the Ommegang, but it's really preference at this point. None are quite the real thing, but all are still a great way to pass the time. I mean, why come to a party with a 6 pack of bud when you can walk in with a BIG open bottle of wine-beer? Still, nothing tops seeing people come to parties with Ipswitch's 1/2 gallon jug! No, I don't mean as a house warming gift, or something you share with the guests. I mean, walk in guzzling down a half gallon jug! Well, I suppose a bottle of Ommegang isn't quite so impressive, but it's still a worthy endeavor.

So, yes, getting back to the real reason for this review: Prices. Omegang retails for a retarded $3.99 at the local beer shop. That's right, the same place that's typically a buck or two overpriced on everything. I can only imagine what Omegang would run at a discount liquor shop! The beauty of it is that I can WALK to the local store (it's only a couple blocks away), and at $4, Omegang is just too easy.

Yup, while everyone is trying to find the best prices on this post-thanksgiving Friday, I'll be walking down the street to find the best entertainment four dollars can buy in this town...

SAM SMITH'S NUT BROWN ALE:

In the world of beers, few can be referred to by a single word, and then it seems only a handful fall into that rare breed of monosyllable beers (bud, schlitz, etc.), but the really good beers most often call for elaborate naming systems. The beer's name alone is rarely enough (stand out exceptions are the optimator and the celebrator), but instead one must call out the brewer's beer as well, declaring that this is far more than just a beer. It's an experience. More so, the brewer has an investment here. If every time before you have a beer you must call out 'Sam Smith', then certainly it just won't do for the beer to be little more than something to weigh your glass down. Consider, for instance, if when you had a burger, you didn't have just any ordinary burger but you had the burger from some particular cattle ranch. That requires a certain degree of responsibility! While we aren't going to hold the meat industry to such standards, it is good to know that our own breweries have taken the first step in standing 100% behind their product. Drink your beer and be proud!

So here we come to Sam Smith's Nut Brown Ale. Sam Smith, as most reading this probably already know is a fine import beer that tends to run on the expensive side but has failed as of yet to disappoint. On the other hand, Smith also offers nothing for those who enjoy a lighter beer. The lightest it gets is a pilsner-esque winter lager that is still a long shot from other (lighter) pilsners. No, most Sam Smith beers range from an impenetrable jet black to the nice translucent brown that characterizes the nut brown ale.

What I've come to learn through this and Newcastle is that browns really have a bit of variety to them. Smuttynose's Old Brown Dog for instance is a very pleasant beer with a rich taste and no real sense of bitterness. I must conclude that bitterness is a thing fancied more in England because Smith's nut brown ale is far more like newcastle than it is like the old brown dog. It's not your beginner's beer, nor a beer that your non-alcoholic friends are likely to appreciate. It's a beer for beer lovers, and dark pubs and thick heavy glasses. If you drink this out of the bottle I will smack you!

Both this and newcastle have that rusty-pipe taste I didn't appreciate right away. Why does this sort of thing grow on me? I have no idea. But the rusty pipe taste has something more to it. I can't put it into words. It's probably the reason that I guzzled down all the bitter wines when I went wine tasting with my co-workers. They only wanted sweet wines, but I found those rather dull. I love beer that tastes like it came from a rusty pipe, of course I'll enjoy bitter wines!

So maybe there's something more, something I've been struggling with. This nut brown is so much a man-beer. It looks beautiful in your glass, and when you feel it go down your throat, coursing through your veins, the whole world feels a bit more like all those cop noir movies, or the Maltese falcon, or even a film by Peckenpaw. Sam Smith's nut brown isn't going to make you all happy inside or some silly shit like that--it's a more mature, calming, melancholy beer. Come to think of it, this must be a great beer for drowning your sorrows in.

So, the remaining question is why spend more for the Sam Smith when you can just get Newcastle? Well fortunately, I've got a case of New Castle in my refrigerator, so I'll be answering that in my next review.

PILSNER URQUELL

Just coz you can't pronounce the name of a beer doesn't mean it isn't good. Enter the one-trick poney that is Pilsner Urquell. Who makes Pilsner Urquell? Pilsner Urquell of course! Well, if you're only going to make one beer, I hope it's a might good beer!

As with the hazy history of all beers, Pilsner Urquell seems to indirectly claim that it was the first pilsner or at least the first 'golden beer' (I gather all pilsners before this were piss yellow.) That aside, in the world of pilsners (which includes our crappy domestic varieties) P.Urquell stands out as something special. It's got a thick, organic taste (in some ways not unlike the Optimator), but simultaneously refreshing instead of heavy. There's definitely some bitterness to it, as well as a chalky taste that you might associate with heavier beers, but it goes down like water and is excellent with all kinds of foods (in fact, I just had one with a plate of eggs and sausages--yummy!)

If nothing else, Pilsner Urquell makes a great staple beer. It's hard to imagine a situation in which an Urquell wouldn't hit the spot. It isn't a fantastic beer, but it covers all its bases and will make you look sophisticated gulping down this European beverage as you go about your low brow American business. Better still, being distributed out of New Jersey, Pilsner Urquell should be widely available across the United States.

BLUE MOON BELGIAN WHITE

This one has easily become a favorite of mine. If you've ever had Sam Adam's White Ale (only available in variety boxes), you'll know what you're in for. Brewed in Denver, Blue Moon offers a Belgian-style wheat ale that rivals anything you're likely to import. Maybe my American tastes just aren't subtle enough, but while the actual German wheat ales taste rather strange to me, Blue Moon has real character.

It's a smooth beer--smoother than the Pilsner, though I favor wheat ales to Pilsners--with a 'sophisticated' taste, meaning they've used a lot of spices. Because the flavor is more pronounced it might not accompany just about everything quite so well as your bread-and-butter beers (Pilsner Urquell, Sam Adams, New Castle, etc.), but unlike those beers, Blue Moon is tasty enough to be a meal on its own (if only it has some more protein, calories, vitamins, etc.) I mean, once you've had Blue Moon, it is easy to question why anyone likes Soda, or why they bother with sweet beverages. Blue Moon is as tasty as any other drink I can think of, making it a real treat. Just don't drink it all the time, you'll get spoiled!

THE SAM SMITH 'selection box'

As if I haven't sung my praise enough times for the Sam Smith brewery, Merchant du Vin (the US distributors of Sam Smith) cough up a real gem for the holidays. Three of the 1 pint bottles (which normally sell for about $3 each), a Sam Smith glass and three cardboard coasters, all for the price of $8 and let me just say that the box is pretty handsome too! My only complaint here is that the 'selection' remains the same in all the boxes--the oatmeal stout, the nut brown ale and the old brewery pale ale. Of course, with a line-up like that, it's hard to complain. The glass is nothing particularly special, but it does have the Sam Smith crest on it, and will certainly make you look a bit more cultured.

The box is really quite nice (graphic designers take note), with intricate descriptions of each beer including the taste, the beer's history and what foods it goes well with. I wasn't really planning on having any roast grouse, pheasant, or partridge anytime soon, but it's nice to know which Sam Smith beer I should have with it. There's even a couple pictures showing the brewing process.

Of the beers contained, I've already written about one, and the owner of this webpage has written about the oatmeal stout. So it seems worthwhile to say a word about the Pale Ale. From what another beer loving friend of mine has said, pale ales were something of a staple aboard sea-going cruises. Apparently the meaning behind the name 'Indian Pale Ale', wasn't so much a reference to the beer having anything to do with India but rather that this was the style of beer had by many a sailor while en route to India. That said, the Old Brewery Pale Ale isn't an IPA, but it is a damn fine pale ale and pretty much captures the idea of what a pale ale is about. This can be summed up in one word: bitter. For many, this will be a real turn off. If your idea of beer is something you can guzzle down to get drunk, than ales themselves probably aren't the thing for you. Ales are definitely about a refined, distinct taste, of which the pale ale may be the most difficult to appreciate, but surely it is a damn fine beer.

Speaking of pale ales, I also recently had a chance to have Trinity Pub's Rhode Island Pale Ale. For those who don't live here in providence (almost everyone), Trinity Pub is about the best thing I can think of in a pub / restaurant / micro-brewery variety. Having lived in Lincoln Nebraska, I need to say that Crane River is the antithesis of everything Trinity is. At Trinity there is good food, good music, and more than anything else, good beer. Although I am in love with their Russian Imperial Stout, I was speaking of pale ales, of which their Rhode Island Pale Ale was indeed spectacular. Bitter, but with a hint of sweetness that gives the beer an enduring character. Contrast is indeed the spice of life, and the RI IPA wins this contest hand down. Of course, you can't buy it anywhere except for Trinity pub, but fortunately they sell their wares in large jugs (not unlike Ipswitch brewery), so I theoretically could walk out of there with gallons of the RI IPA or the Imperial Stout.

Sadly, while Sam Smith's Old Brewery Pale Ale is quite good, I think I'd rather go with Trinity's IPA--but this may not be fair since there are probably subtle differences between just a pale ale and an IPA that I haven't learned about yet. I am after all a beer novice.

Oh, and for what it's worth, 'the old brewery' is Sam Smith's logo, also known as 'the old brewery at Tadcaster', so to say 'the old brewery pale ale', is to say that this is Sam Smith's original, classic pale ale--apparently dating back to 1758.

One last word about the selection box itself. Clearly this was designed as a gift, but if so, I've bought three such gifts for myself. I probably should have bought some and mailed them, but technically mailing alcohol is illegal. Stuck with those limitations, perhaps you know someone who needs a box of beer for Christmas. Ah, if only my Secret Santa at work had been savvy enough to get me one of these. Beats the crap out of socks!

NEWCASTLE BROWN ALE

So after saying again and again that I was going to review this beer, I now find myself rather lacking in words for it. 'The dog' (as Newcastle has come to be known) is perhaps the brownest brown ale one can think of. Not a hint of amber to be found here--just brown. In taste it is a little bitter and sharp, but this is quickly smoothed out as is the tradition of all brown ales. Browns are supposed to be relaxing (or so I have come to conclude) and Newcastle is no exception. Since it is widely available in bars this has become a favorite of mine. A bit more distinguished than Sam Adams while considerably better than all the other crap, Newcastle is an easy choice when faced with limited selection.

It doesn't seem possible to talk about Newcastle beer without talking about Newcastle itself--which I admittedly only have the movie Get Carter to go by. In that film (the original one), Newcastle figures prominently, and is possibly one of the filthiest, ugliest, shittiest cities I can recall a film being set in. Indeed, New York hardly looks dingier in The French Connection, which is really saying something since the very nature of the urban textures presented in all their visual repugnance made up a large component of the film. Newcastle or New York in the 70's really looked like the worst places on earth to live. I'm sure Nebraska is worse, but that's the kind of thing you can't catch on film. Either way, having a beer from the city Get Carter was filmed in definitely adds some charm to it.

And here's where the bottom drops out of my review. C'mon, everyone has had one of these, right? Newcastle is available almost everywhere and it isn't really that expensive (though slightly pricier than Sam Adams) so there is no excuse for not trying one. There are better brown ales, but few are as widely available and relatively cheap. And you know that's why I drink beer: cheap and available. Sheesh!

Thanks for the reviews Chris! If you want to discuss how you've been poisoning your liver drop me a line at gleep9@hotmail.com. If you're done here head on back to either the Beer or Main page.