Take two movies that have little or nothing to do with each other. Slap a new title on one of them for the foreign market. Then rename the other one so it sounds like it's a sequel to the first mis-named movie. Ah yes, welcome to the wonderful world of Hong Kong movie making!

The movies I'm going to be discussing in this review are the unrelated Shu dan long wei -or High Risk- and Bi xie lan tian -or The Blacksheep Affair. Since some slick marketing type decided that the films would sell better in the United States if they pretended they were part of a series the films were re-christened Meltdown and Another Meltdown. Got all that? Note: for the sake of consistency I'll be referring to the movies as Meltdown and Another Meltdown for the rest of the article.

Meltdown sort of stars Jet Li as Kit Li, a former police officer turned bodyguard. Working for movie star Frankie Lone [Jacky Cheung], he occasionally doubles for him during action stunts and guarding him from the danger of snoopy reporters. Normally protecting a boozing star of bad action movies would be a pretty cushy gig but Frankie and his posse -his dad [Ma Wu] and a couple of business types- decide to attend a gala event at a high rise office building. On display in the building is a collection of jewels, diamonds, and other MacGuffins that the criminal known as The Doctor [Kelvin Wong] is interested in stealing. In a bit of cinematic irony The Doctor was also responsible for blowing up Kit's wife a couple of years back so, naturally, it's personal. Will Kit manage to storm the building and stop the criminals or will he die hard in the attempt?

After the film Die Hard came out many other action movies were summarized as being "Die Hard on a boat" or whatever other location the movie is featuring. Meltdown can be described as being Die Hard in every way, shape and form. I don't know at what point a film moves from being a tribute to a previous story to a straight out rip-off but Meltdown has flown past that point by leaps and bounds. I could believe that Meltdown is supposed to be a parody of Die Hard since there are plenty of parodies out there that aren't funny but the tone of the movie left me perplexed.

I've seen movies of varying quality from all over the place but Hong Kong films are one of the only places where I've seen the strange mix of grim violence and stupid comedy. Meltdown spends a lot of time having Frankie do silly pratfalls suggesting that the movie isn't taking itself too seriously. But in spite of craziness like people pulling buckets full of snakes out of nowhere the movie opens with a bus full of school children being killed by a bomb. See-sawing between slapstick and scenes of violent murder played seriously left me unsure of exactly how I should view the movie. This isn't the first time a Hong Kong movie has left me with a mixed feeling due to a bipolar approach to it's story. I've come across the violence/comedy thing so often I would almost be willing to guess that it's some sort of convention unique to the movies of that area. But then again Wong Jing, the guy who wrote and directed Meltdown has been associated with seventy or so movies over the years. Instead of being a Hong Kong movie staple the movies that have had the violent comedy thing in them may have all been his doing.

If for some reason you can't find a copy of Die Hard or feel the need to watch a version of Die Hard that features Benny Hill style fake bodies getting run over by cars then Meltdown is for you. If you're interested in seeing a good parody of Jackie Chan -as opposed to Chan's lesser theatrical efforts where he comes across as a parody of himself- you might want to sort of half watch Meltdown. Actually, that's a good recommendation for Meltdown; if you're not looking for a movie so much as violent background noise then Meltdown fills the bill adequately.

In spite of Another Meltdown not having anything to do with the original, re-named Meltdown it still feels like it's spiritual sequel for some odd reason. Another Meltdown stars Chiu Man Cheuk as Yim Dong, yet another police officer fallen from grace. In addition to this film Chiu is also known for taking over the lead role in the Once Upon a Time in China movies once Jet Li got tired of the role. Thanks to a title change he finds himself once again coming across as the scrub Jet Li. As Yim, Chiu comes across as a nice enough guy but he doesn't have the magnetic personality that can propel a pedestrian movie along; it's like Mark Wahlberg has a twin.

After disobeying orders Yim is sent to the bizarro fake country of Lavernia. I think this country is supposed to be a former portion of the USSR where the natives speak English in the Cantonese language track, has a harbor full of Chinese refugees, and has trouble with both Japanese cult leaders and Italian mobsters running loose on the streets. When making your vacation plans think about visiting Lavernia since it seems to be the hot new place to travel to.

Barely having time to pick up his bags, Yim bumbles into and captures doomsday cult leader Keizo Mishima [Hoi Lin.] This, naturally, leads to more trouble. Besides being more energetic and a snappier dresser than Yim, Mishima is quite the fellow. In addition to running a paramilitary cult, Mishima claims to be Christ, quotes Confucius, and knows kung-fu. Keizo Mishima, your multi-tasking messiah.

When not busy dealing with shady Lavernian government officials or fighting the surprisingly large number of well armed cult members who are hanging around town, Yim manages to bump into his childhood sweetheart Chan Pun [Shu Qi]. While most movies would have their couple re-meet in a cute way, Another Meltdown has them meet in a scene that looks like nothing so much as a bit borrowed from The Third Man. The sense of discontent from The Third Man is a good fit since after they are reunited Yim stands around and bitches Chan out for several solid minutes for having the nerve to leave China after being at ground zero during the Tiananmen Square massacre of 1989. Chan would have been about thirteen at the time that all went down; I'd hate to think I'm going to be held accountable for the rest of my life for things I did when I was thirteen. After yelling at Chan for not supporting a government that shot up their friends and exiled him to a fake Asian/European country, Yim states that he will always be there to protect her, a promise that he spectacularly fails to uphold for the rest of the picture. What Chan sees in the walking door-stop that is Yim is beyond me.

Why is Shu Qi the best thing in Another Meltdown? Because she's hot. Some actresses make their mark by their impressive acting skills or because they personify the perceived glamour of a movie star. Then there are those that are hot, and Shu Qi is certainly in that category. Yes, I know that's an objectifying way to describe her but she's built her career on projecting the image that she's quite the little strumpette so by discussing her in those terms I'm simply acknowledging the work she has done in creating her public persona. As long as all the parties involved are fine with it there's no harm done. Okay? Okay. Holy crap but she's hot.

Besides having a lead actress who is totally hot what else does Another Meltdown have to offer to the not overly picky movie viewer? There's some directing from Allun Lam that's not bad for a cheap genre picture and it has some of the weirdest kung-fu fighting you're ever going to see. There seems to be an unwritten rule in action movies that a gang of attacking enemies will only send in one or two people at a time to attack the hero while the rest of the goons circle the fight and wait their turn. Another Meltdown does that convention one better by having the enemies disappear from the set until it's their turn to get beat up. It's such a lazy sort of fighting that Yim can get shot in the shoulder and not only not have it affect the rest of the battle but have it magically heal up between scenes. There is something to be said for a movie that features such weird wire work that a man can get thrown up a flight of stairs like a human curve-ball but those moments of action overcoming the laws of physics are few and far between.

Neither Meltdown or Another Meltdown are the sort of thing I can fully recommend. If you're in the mood for any kung-fu movie no matter what it is [and I think we've all had that mood strike us once in awhile] then these two movies will fulfill your bare, daily minimum requirements for ass-kicking. Of the two flicks I would give Another Meltdown the slight edge since it's laboring under the impression that it has something going on and the previously mentioned hottness of Shu Qi.

Questions, comments, and other nonsense can be sent to gleep9@hotmail.com. If you're done here go back to either the Third Movie or Main page before they get renamed for foreign markets.