A guest review by Cosmic Chris
This is yet another film that was introduced to me by the famed host of this page, and one I shall not soon forget. Just what is New Line's story? It seems that they are Hollywood's dirty little secret, putting out anything and everything that might be just a little too strange for the major studios (as Miramax is to Disney). There is this impression that if it might dirty the hand's of its' creators, all one need do is shuffle the ill-begotten child off to New Line, and the problem is solved. Well, the problem is solved for the people who made the film, but for the viewers the problem (or guilty pleasures as the case may be) are often just beginning.
In an attempt to be more professional I'm actually using the IMDB this time round, and let me tell you, it is worth it! The director-John Frankenheimer-wow, the man has done everything, his films running back into the 50's, including Birdman of Alcatraz and The French Connection 2. I can't say there are any films on the list that are faves of mine, but somehow the knowledge that this movie has brought together the skills of a seasoned director and the well-aged plot of H.G. Wells to create a movie that makes less sense then the average Godzilla movie is of considerable amusement to me. I like to think that this bomb of a flick was waiting, fermenting, taking on its' true form only after years of gestation. Such films are not born but are made! Yes, that is what I would like to believe.
As to the movie, there are two actors you will know, and they are abused in ways that are sure to bring a smile to your face. For those people who hate Val Kilmer, I am pleased to announce this is the movie for you. He is pretty much nuts from the beginning, and wanders around in a skirt, wears a circuit board on his head (at one point) and gets killed by wookies. Marlon Brando on the other hand, reprises his role as himself, recognized as God by the strange animal-men of the island and likewise wanders about in sheets wearing a bucket on his head and playing piano with his own little mini-me.
As to plot, it seems that Dr. Moreau (Brando) has sought to genetically engineer a more civil human being free from aggression. The idea that this might be accomplished by crossing humans with carnivorous beasts will provide the source of a few extra giggles for the viewer. When we first catch up with Moreau he's got his furry friends working on some human-llama cross (well, we see llamas in cages along with some monkeys and the like). I really need to recap your gracious host's comments at this point, observing that perhaps Moreau was attempting to breed humans that could spit thirty feet.
But this film is not really about science any more then Mysterious Island was about science. It is instead one of those social-commentary sorts of films that leaves you wondering about the follies of scientists going too far-well that is what the film is trying to accomplish. In creating all these half-breeds, Moreau has both indoctrinated them with his own law, in which he is their father or god. He has also implanted each of them with some sort of device that he can trigger by remote control, evoking great pain in his 'children' should they disobey him.
The law created by Moreau seems to mostly be about not eating meat, which is of course why he spent so much time breeding humans with hunting carnivore animals. At one point a meat dish is accidentally served and those fuzzy folks who touched it go nuts licking their paws and all. I have to admit that by this point in the film I was completely taken in. There was no hint as to where the film might go, and every scene had something amazingly bizarre that would be sure to render a chuckle or perhaps a 'good lord!?' out of me. The best scenes in the first half of the film all involved Brando. A man who calmly admits to breeding men with baboons while painted in a thick coat of white make up while monkey-men worship him-what more is there to say? I honestly don't know how they got Brando to be in this movie, but I have begun to wonder if this isn't basically what his island based lifestyle is like, and they just filmed on location. Well for whatever reason, this is enough reason to see the film, Brando's weirdness only being topped by those ludicrous scenes of Sun Ra wandering around the city in full Egyptian headdress in Space is the Place.
The second half of the film becomes a mix of several stories all blended into one, not excluding Lord of the Flies, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, The Man who would be King, and The Wookie Christmas Special. Have I mentioned that most of the animal-men look like wookies? Well they do. It only gets worse when they get guns and start setting things on fire. To make a thin story even thinner, Moreau is killed when his own creatures take their revenge upon him (after extracting that little do-hicky that he used to control them). After which, one wookie declares that the law is about hunting and killing and 'slurping'(?) From here they find a hidden stash of guns on the island and go about the business of trying to make themselves the new rulers, even going so far as declaring that they are God.
At this point I was pretty much laughing non-stop. There are a lot of cliched things here, but they are cliched from old books and 50's sci-fi films, not from modern Hollywood schlock. Plus the fun of watching an ape-man leap around in army pants with a machine gun is endlessly amusing. Kilmer goes even more insane and starts dressing up like Brando and holds a big animal-orgy until he is shot. The female lead is hung with such a lack of enthusiasm it seems apparent that even the makers of the film could have cared less. The only remaining human character that survives the small monkey uprising, leaves the island promising to return with scientists, but the creatures plead that they let them be, saying they no longer want scientists. On the other hand, a cute little baboon man begs that he stay with them and be their friends (and all at once I saw this was really just a live action version of Where the Wild Things Are. Now I want a sequel!) But in the end of course, our hero (?) sails off into the ocean, promising to himself never to return.
I am not sure what more to say about this flick except to state how much I really enjoyed it (but I am a sick, spiteful man!) and will probably be looking for a cheap pre-viewed copy down at the local Blockbuster. The downside of the film is the boring 20 minutes or so at the very beginning. The upside is everything else, especially the rat-monkeys (don't miss 'em!) It is also wonderful to see how careless they are with the plot, often mumbling major elements or themes, completely unaided by a useful soundtrack.
Oh, one last thing. The opening credits were a lot of fun too-nice collage work of every high school biology film ever made. Apparently this is supposed to be scary, but I really enjoyed all those gratuitous paramecium shots. Anyway, if you have felt there hasn't been a good planet of the apes film for a long time, you might want to give this one a shot. Bring a date!
Thanks Chris! If you would like to submit a review, just drop me a line at gleep9@hotmail.com. Now knuckle on back to either the Movie page or the Main page.
Get your own Free Home Page