Like having to spend the holidays with relations who stay far longer than you want them to, the Oscars are back for their annual marathon presentation. In spite of the fact I was horribly tired on the evening of the awards -I was barely in the door before the show started- I nevertheless sat through the whole fool thing. I suffer for my art.
Speaking of suffering, the Oscars were once again hosted by Billy Crystal. Unlike previous years when watching Crystal tell one unfunny joke after another made the Oscars the equivalent of watching a car crash in slow motion, he managed to avoid being covered in a sheen of flop-sweat this year. I didn't find him particularly amusing, but at least he seemed to be enjoying himself. The opening sequence featured Crystal being poorly spliced into several films after being conked on the head by the bone thrown at the start of 2001. With the chance to jump into any movie ever made, Crystal ended up dropping into Deliverance and the shower Kevin Spacey was, um, unwinding in during American Beauty. With a double shot of high brow jokes like that, I figured the Oscars were going for an edgier, bawdier approach than usual. It turned out the ceremonies were different than before, but not in the way I expected.
Since there were no real surprising upsets and the traditionally inexplicable dance number was excised, the show became a bit predictable. When the Oscars manage to run for four solid hours this isn't good. It wasn't a good sign that the awards presentation was kicked off with the presentation of the first award in the pulse-pounding category of Best Costume Design. This, coupled with my already sleepy state, meant I was nodding in and out for the whole evening.
Highlights, if you could call them that, included:
Film Montages: The first one this year featured a cinematic ode to annoying child actors. It was interesting trying to figure out how many of the tots featured went on to have productive adult lives. But why wasn't Gary Coleman featured? The second montage was the ridiculously broad topic of a movie montage of the past 2 million years. The only movies that wouldn't fit into this open-ended idea is Star Wars and any movie starring the Muppets.
Musical Numbers: After an introduction by -of all people- Vanessa Williams and L L Cool J, the battery of best songs came out. I was surprised that I enjoyed Robin Williams' interpretation of "Blame Canada" especially considering my feelings toward South Park. Perhaps Williams should consider doing a musical, since it was the best thing I've seen him do in a good long while. In the end, however, 80's has-been/never-was Phil Collins walked off with the award, and he didn't even have dancing girls during his song. Where's the justice in that?
The second musical number featured songs from various movies. While the producers missed a golden opportunity to have Roger Waters perform "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" they did score some points by having Isaac Hayes show up to sing Shaft. Too bad the points were lost when Hayes was obscured by an over-active smoke machine.
The listing of dead celebrities, including such luminaries as Jim Varney, showed up once again. The series usually turns into a ghoulish popularity contest, with the audience applauding for the people they liked more. It seemed whomever put the sequence together tried to place the more popular actors [Madeline Khan, George C. Scott] towards the end of the montage so the applause would gradually build up, but it seems they underestimated the popularity of Desmond Llewelyn and the years he spent playing Q in numerous James Bond movies.
While it was almost a given that Hillary Swank was going to win in the category of Best Actress, I still liked the idea that Meryl Streep was nominated for her performance in a Wes Craven movie. During her acceptance speech Swank managed to calmly rattle off the names of everyone under the sun with the exception of her awe-struck husband.
But the trouble with Swank's speech was endemic of most every speech of the evening. Most everyone droned on thanking every person conceivable -one guy thanked "all of my parents" as if he were raised in some sort of commune- until the orchestra was called in to play them off the stage. For every speech that was interesting [when accepting her award for scenery chewing in Girl, Interrupted Angelina Jolie expressed a degree of love for her brother that bordered on creepy] there were several that were awful [Pedro Almodovar was such an incomprehensible dullard that Antonio Bandaras tried to pull him off-stage.]
While it may sound like this review is mostly negative, I still enjoyed the Oscars. No matter how exhausted I am, no matter how bloated the whole affair may become, no matter how off I may think the acadamy voters are, I nevertheless feel compelled to watch every year. Plus, the Oscars didn't feature Jim Carrey this year, so that was a point in it's favor, at least.
Questions? Comments? Have an Oscar you found in the trash you'd like to sell? Drop me a line at gleep9@hotmail.com. If not, head on back to either the second movie or Main page.
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