I'm reading this horrible romance novel right now. worse than the last one. I would like to know why it is that these darn romance authors feel that they are unable to use words such as black, blond, yellow, long hair, and green. They insist on expressions such as ebony, glittering gold, champagne, flowing tresses, and leaf-coloured eyes. It's simply silly. It must take them ages to think up a different way to say blue each time it comes up. Saphire, ice blue, aqua-marine.......

I'm also impressed with the ability of a heroine to have sex with several men, and still be pure. It's remarkable. No matter what the female lead character does, it is sweet and innocent and she is still supposed to be every woman's role model. Whereas, when the female villian sleeps with several guys she is a slut. I think the main difference between the heroine and the villian is hair colour. The heroine always has curling tresses of glittering gold, whereas the villian has red hair. They seldom embellish on the hair colour of the villian. None of those champagne locks for her. Nope. No one compares her hair to a burst of an autum sunset, or to glowing amber, or even to something as mundane as dragon-fire. And no one calls her pet names. The villian is never referred to as Moonbeam and Stardust or Moonlight by the god-like, masculine members of the cast. She doesn't get pretty little airhead names like that. Words such as bitch and evil and spawn of death are reserved for her (ok, so I made the last one up.) Perhaps this makes her what she is - seemingly more normal than the rest of the loonies running around within the pages of a pink, glittery book.

Adella has the excellent suggestion to write a study guide for a romance novel, and see how long it takes Johnnies to figure out that it's pure rot. Of course, she also thinks I should write my senior thesis on romance novels and their resemblence to Vegas. I think it would be better to go one step farther, and write one myself: set in Vegas, and with the entire drug laden and insane cast of "Fear and Loathing...." running amuck during particularly romantic/serious scenes. Maybe we'd even get to see the heronie sans make-up, artistically touseled tresses, and innocence. Who knows what would happen.

Thanks Meg! Yes, this submission is yet another piece I pirated from an e-mail she sent me for use on my page. If you want to comment on my chicanery, drop me a line at gleep9@hotmail.com. Now flow on out of here to either the Literature or Main page.

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