While at a grocery store recently I heard "Merry Christmas [I Don't Want to Fight]" by the Ramones being piped through the speaker system. When punk Christmas carols are being played while I'm out buying bananas it's a sure sign that the Christmas season is underway. There are many different ways one can celebrate this time of year. Gathering together with friends and family or watching the endless stream of seasonal cartoons -all of which feature Burl Ives- are accepted ways to celebrate the season, but if there's one place in the community where everyone -young and old, rich and poor- gather during the holidays to pay their respects and drop off their monetary donations it's the shopping mall.
Rather than getting depressed about that turn of events, I decided I might as well sell out as well and see what the malls are offering this year in the way of materialistic happiness. The mall was decorated with a subtle level of tastelessness this year; stars tied to massive strands of garland draped from the ceiling. Some overheated guy in a Santa suit and a wrapping station for the gift-wrap impaired complete the scene. At least this year I didn't run across any mall-specific carolers. A few seasons back, while in a miserable mood, I was stomping through the mall. I was so wrapped up in my own surliness that I obliviously passed by a group of carolers who were decked out as background characters from a Charles Dickens story [why is Dickens era garb considered the proper wardrobe for caroling?] the moment they began belting out some cheerful dirge. I was in such an evil mood that the thought of running mugging a caroler and off with a piece of their apparel blinked through my mind. Thankfully, my reason quickly returned since I would of been pretty obvious walking through the mall wearing an 19th century style top hat.
But all the window trimming at the mall is, well, window trimming. What's important is what's on sale. A quick glance at the toy aisle reveals that the hot item for this year is Pokemon. While I don't really get the whole Pokemon phenomenon -I'm no longer seven- I can appreciate this fad since children are actually interested in it. The Furby and Beanie Baby crazes seemed to be primarily parent-motivated, but the Pokemon multimedia blitz is so intricate that it creates it's own culture that excludes anyone not in the loop. Needless to say it drives clueless parents nuts.
What else amazed me about the toy selection was the number of products that were movie tie-ins gone awry. There were enough Star Wars toys lying around to make you wonder whether it was the end of century or the late 1970's. The oddest movie related toy I saw was dolls that were made to resemble Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I somehow doubt the person who thought Holly Golightly would make a swell kid's toy ever read Truman Capote's original novella.
Speaking of odd ideas, the selection of seasonal gifts never ceases to amaze. What are purported to be helpful selections for shoppers who can't decide on a gift, they come across more as some sort cruel joke by the retailer. Does anyone *really* want a sampler full of cheese and salami? Or that perennial non-gift, the Chia Pet? My personal favorite was, located next to a collection of Ricky Martin biographies, a selection of classic literature. Nothing says Joy to the World like Crime and Punishment.
The other gifts I saw ranged from quite nice to the sort of thing only a truly desperate soul would buy. Still, most everything for sale was items that could be sold at any point during the year. To find the truly strange items you had to look no further than the areas selling home Christmas decorations. While people spend thousands of dollars and years of their lives to better not only their own home but the neighborhood they live in, they think nothing of stringing pulsing lights and plastic icicles all over their houses. While the idea of bringing a dead tree into the house is an odd concept if you step back and look at it, the practice is mired in tradition so it does have a precident. How sticking plastic reindeer on the front lawn became a socially acceptible norm is beyond me. Every year I also see mechanical dancing Santas and anthropomorphic Christmas trees that sing seasonal ditties placed out for sale. I have yet to determine if these products are wildly popular or if they're so unpopular that the same stock is placed out on the sales floor year after year.
In spite of the tone of this article I do enjoy, in a limited, reserved way, seeing all this sort of thing. At least going around looking at all this nonsense gave me an excuse not to bother with my Christmas shopping.
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