Return to Buck Mountain

Return to Buck Mountain

(Eighth anniversary edition)
A true story by
Christopher L. Augustus

I sat on the fallen tree. The candle I had lit illuminated Amy's face against the starry sky. Starry sky? It was cloudy last time I looked. It was January 23, 1990. For the past 101 days I had intended to return to this spot on Buck Mountain, a mountain on the edge of the Cumberland Plateau east of Cookeville, Tennessee. Many forces seemed to want to stop me from coming up here tonight. Earlier it had been raining and until Amy agreed, nobody wanted to accompany me up there. We walked down the deteriorating rail road tracks toward the place where we now sat. We walked right past the place the first time. On the second pass, I found the spot. It consisted of about three trees that were knocked down next to the tracks where Sprint had buried their transcontinental fiber optic telephone lines. Above the logs there was a dead tree resting against a living tree. Every time the wind blew, the hanging tree rubbed against the living one and creaked along it's length making a scary and creepy noise. I heard that dangerous sound again, or was it?

The owl near us hooted again. The leaves were almost ready to fall off of the trees. It was Friday, October the Thirteenth, 1989. I nervously laughed. I was not afraid or anything. It was just a silly owl. I looked up into the sky and saw the moon reflecting plenty of the hidden sun's rays. Enough light to see Jennifer's face. How nice it looked in the moonlight.

The flashlight Amy held was pointed at the tree above us. I knew she was nervous about it. "Why am I here." I said out loud. "I came here to deal with feelings, and instead I am dealing with nothing but that tree." Amy had no answer. This was my problem, not hers. After telling her a bunch of things about that Friday, I realized that reality was confused. January and October existed together. One moment I was there in October, the next moment I was here. One time I even spoke of Carolyn and Mike as if they were listening over at the railroad ties, just around a bend in the tracks. Still I do not know why I am here. What reason did my subconscious have for this trip. Was it a waste of time. Would I leave here no better that I was before.

Many important events had taken place before I met Jennifer. I had broken up with Tammy, a girl I had dated for almost two years in the middle of the summer. Since there was not too much summer left, I was not wanting to start any new relationships with anyone from my home town of Lenoir City. Then just before I returned to school, I asked out a sweet young girl I met at work. Her name was Dina. She smiled so sweetly. She contained so much happiness and joy. With her help, the graph of happiness in my life was climbing higher. I would end the eighties better that I had started them.

I had met Jennifer two weeks ago when Robert and I ate dinner with several of the Freshman Honor Students. Robert left with them to play Dungeon's and Dragons after dinner, leaving me alone in my room. I then decided to crash the game. I watched it for a few minutes until a lone girl came in to collect her roommate Carolyn. Not remembering her name, I had to ask. After a week past of not seeing her, we ate dinner together on Sunday. Later that week we played the game of "Pi-diddle" in which Jennifer counted up the most cars with a burned out headlight. The prize was our first kiss. "I'm so happy tonight!"

"I was so happy that night." Now I am near the reason why I am up here tonight. For me, life was perfect. I was enjoying life. Life was great. "If only I knew what would happen in the next three months." I wondered out loud.

That next morning, Tammy and Robert brought me lunch in bed. Tammy had been the reason why I wanted to go to Buck Mountain in the first place. I was hiding from Tammy. In no way did I think about the trip as a way for Jennifer and I to be alone. Today I could look Tammy in the eye for the first time since July. It took me three months. Everything looks great.

"I wish there was a way I could have warned myself." I looked toward Amy. She was watching the area between the rail road tracks and us. Now there are tears in my eyes. This is it! Here it is! The reason! How could I have forgotten?

"The nicest thing I could ever do for myself would be if my future self would come back and help me out. I mean, just to tell me that if I had kept on doing what I am doing, everything will turn out." My private thoughts were different: Am I supposed to be with Jennifer? Will I ever marry her? If not her then who? Dina? That would be great too. Maybe Tammy? Definitely no.

Streams of tears began flowing freely across my face. "If only I knew then what I know now. If a super being were to appear before me and invite me to time travel back 101 days, would I go? Would I warn myself about the upcoming events. Would I tell myself how to avoid them, or even a better way of handling them seeing how bad everything turned out. I can not make that decision, or could I?

"When I was with Jennifer, my other friends took second or even lower seats. After her revelation about a past event, I was distanced from my friends even more. After Jennifer broke up with me for the second and final time, I was left alone. Lynn came to my rescue. Other friends I had ignored returned also. Lynn and I helped each other. The time we spent together in December was a life saver for both of us."

The tears were interrupted by a smile forming on my face. "The night Lynn and Ricky took me to Krogers in the middle of the night- and I bumped into Sabrina who was just a miserable as I was. We talked about our miseries the whole time we were there and started the foundation of a new friendship that had to replace Lynn, now that she was not going to school here." There were other good things that came from this.

It had been a phone conversation with Barbara last week that had made me decide to come up here tonight. Things began to swirl until I had a thought to an earlier question. "I wouldn't change anything." I had found the answer to the past three months of my life. "It was never my fault that any of the bad things happened to Jennifer. I was doing my honest best to help. I felt God was guiding my actions. OK, so I was miserable, spent New Years Eve sick and alone. So I ignored Barbara over Christmas break when she and I could have helped each other. The fact is that I an alive and well, and with the exception of Jennifer, things are going great."

The hoot of an owl awoke me from my sleep. I announced to Jennifer that I was Mr. Survival and that we were going to leave now. After the mile hike back to her car, the sun was coming up and lighting the sky. My life was going great.

As Amy and I reached the tracks, I thanked her for coming. "You know, I called myself Mr. Survival. I guess I was right." A thought struck me as we continued to walk. "When I get back to school, I'll have to call a bunch of my friends and tell them about this. Why heck, I might even write it down.

Conclusion

And that was what I did. On the bottom half of the fifth and last page I drew a simple, smiling face. I wrote down the story over the next week on five sheets of notebook paper. Between January 1990 and January 1992, the original sheets were kept on a clipboard that was dragged all over the place and the pages suffered wear and water damage.

The story implies that things got better that night. Before that night I had ceased thinking about the future. That night was when I started thinking again. Earlier that month a friend came over to watch a movie with me, and she unexpectedly kissed me. My brain shorted out, and when the haze cleared, I wanted to feel again. Later in February I began to fall in love with Dina. By the start of summer, I could love again. After passing a summer class of French at UT with a "B" and "C" for the two semesters, I knew I could do anything I wanted.

I graduated from college on December 15, 1990. I wish I had good news about Jennifer, but I have totally lost track of her. Two years ago I became lost while driving in the Catoosa Wildlife Management Area and found her old house. Her vehicle was outside, but the house appeared not to be lived in. While I never went to Buck Mountain with Jennifer again, I did continue to go there. That February I built a campsite in a pine thicket near the logs. I had fun sleeping out there several times. Buck Mountain really was a fun place. Even today if I have extra time and are out that way, I'll travel the old road across the mountain. In June of 1992 I married Dina straight out of high school! She is about to finish college with a master's degree. In a few more years we'll be looking for kiddies.

I don't know if I would be as well as I am now if I hadn't endured the problems in 1989. If someone today were to read this story and offer me a way to send a warning back to myself on October 13, 1989, I believe I would have to turn down the offer. I can't dare even begin to alter by own past. By simply saying to the 1989 Chris that he would experience a bad time ahead, he would become cautious and possibly alter everything. If the 1989 Chris was alerted that he should only focus on Dina, and ignore all the other girls, he might have tried too hard with Dina and goofed that relationship up deleting a major part of my life now. Therefore I will let the past stay the past and forge the future without the help of those who will come after me.

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