Phantoms: 10 BEERS

RATED: R
91 MINUTES

Dean Koontz's novel Phantoms may have been a great book, I didn't read it, but evidently something was lost in its translation to the big screen. The Pailey sisters (Joanna Going & Rose McGowen) are traveling to a sleepy little mountain town of Snowfield. Upon arrival they discover the town is deserted. The sisters start to search the town and run into the sheriff (Ben Affleck) and one of his deputies (Liev Schreiber). They all stumble across some frightening things like toilets flushing by themselves and giant man-eating moths. Eventually Professor Timothy Flyte (Peter O'Toole), who writes for a trashy tabloid, shows up with the army. Flyte determines that the town is up against the Ancient Enemy, a primordial goo that eats people.

Phantoms is a really crappy movie. The plot is almost nonexistent, and there is no suspense or thrills to be found. You never see the Ancient Enemy, only through hosts like a dog or the afor mentioned moth do we see it in action. This has got to be the worst evil entity ever put on film. Who cares if these people die, they are about as shallow as they come. Of course they all have some flaws which are supposed to make them endearing but they only come off more transparent. No one gave a performance worth note, O'Toole appeared to be in a walking coma. Phantoms is an inferior movie in every respect.

© Mr.Jeff 1998

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