“The Blonde Bastard: Mark Payne:

I must say it feels damn good to be back in a wrestling ring again, and back where it all began for me, Anything Goes Wrestling, my original stomping grounds.

More cheers and boos greet this, as Payne pauses for a moment until they die down once again.

It’s a shame things have gone so downhill since I’ve been here. I mean really, what the hell happened?

The cheers and boos, now seem to be turning mainly towards the boos as the crowd begins to chant the names of their favorite wrestlers. Nelson, Eric Von Doom, Tom Tennant, and others are heard in an obvious response to Payne’s comment. Payne smiles his cocky smile again before continuing.

I look at the main event for tonight and I see Tom Tennant defending against Dan Sexton and some other guy. Someone told me his name, but honestly I couldn’t be bothered to remember it. The World Title being defended against a racist mid-carder and a nobody. This is not how it used to be. That title used to mean honor, respect, and measure of greatness that could not be matched. Now it means nothing. I know Tennant is in the back watching this, so let’s get right down to business Tom. How are you living with the knowledge that you won that title simply because no one worth a damn is around. I saw how you did it. Best of five with Macleod. Yeah I remember him. Two weeks after a fell through a Hell in the Cell Cage I stepped into the ring with him and six minutes later it was just another win, just another face that I sent to the back disappointed. He was nothing when I fought him, and he is still nothing today. He took you the limit Tommy, and yet to me he isn’t even worth fighting. What happened to you Tommy? You have grown weak since we fought last. When you beat me two years ago you were at your peak, while I was just getting warmed up. Now your nothing but a shell of your former self hanging on to a title that you had to wait till the best of the best were all gone so you could win it. What competition do you have? Smooth Operator? I just want to know who the hell keeps letting him come on TV. I mean how many times do we have to be subjected to his mindless prattling before we realize he is nothing more then a chemical enhanced freak who has trouble grasping the fundamentals of the English language?

Who else Tommy? I hear these people shout the name Eric Von Doom. Yeah I’ve heard of this kid, and to be perfectly honest I am not impressed. He had his time to shine, he was given the ball, and he lasted about as long as I thought he would. Now he fights for the belts that no one cares about so he can “hold all the titles in the AGW”. That sure is a nice way to say, “Gee, I just can’t cut it when the chips are down and everything is on the line.” You may respect him Tennant, but he has earned nothing in my eyes. I’ll be sure to send him back to whatever hole he crawled out of, because I guarantee he has never faced someone on my level…Quite simply because there is no one on my level anymore. I am the best to ever step foot in this ring, or any other ring. It is only a matter of time before I hold that belt you hold right now Tommy, and become an overall seven time champion of the World in this great sport of ours. However, I am off track. I was tearing down the main eventers that have “graced” this ring since Speedy brought his game back to town. Next we have Nelson. I have forced myself to watch his promos, and somehow I made it through his pathetic jokes and his stupid British slang. Where did this character come from? I mean can’t he just do what all big men do; lumber around and grunt every now and again? No instead he has to talk with some overdone accent and play the whole gentle giant routine. And you wonder why ratings are in the crapper around here. No one cares Nelson, because you’re boring. So whenever you feel up to it, feel free to haul your British ass to the ring so I can make you worth watching for the five minutes it will take me to deal with you.

The only man worth a damn around here seems to be Goldberg, and yet I wonder how he sleeps at night. I mean I know if I was nothing more then a lackey for so many years I would not be able to live with myself, but somehow he does it. Now he seems to be all about living for him, and cementing his legacy, or whatever. I figure that will last two to three months before him and his good friends the LPB dump Smoothie on his ass and reform the Clique for the umpteenth time, and much to everyone’s surprise: no one will care…..again.

The crowd is now erupting in a full fledged chorus of boos. Payne pauses patiently, as if dealing with small children, and then continues.

So where does this leave us Tommy? You see I don’t fight the small fish, but I suppose I can’t just waltz in here and get a shot at my title. So Tommy, enjoy it while you can. I’m sure Sexton and that other guy won’t be too much of a challenge. Of course I will be watching old friend, because if there is one thing I have regretted is never being able to even the score between you and I. And when I do even the score I will do so by taking the AGW World Title back for the third time and once again placing myself at the very top of this industry. Next week I will make my ‘official’ redebut in the AGW and I figure I should start off as big as I want too. So this challenge goes out to the man I mentioned earlier, Eric Von Doom. Next week kid, you and I at Smashfest. I’ll make an example out of you that none of these fans or “superstars” in the back will soon forget.

This is just the beginning. Mark Payne, the true Icon of this business, is back and I promise you nothing will ever be the same. It’s been your pleasure, compliments of the ONE and ONLY:

Despite the boos the crowd instinctively says the last line with him…

‘BLONDE BASTARD’

“Biggest and the Best” by Clawfinger strikes back up as Payne leaves to a chorus of deafening boos, with his diehard fans cheering in scattered sections of the arena.