Okay, here goes.... After watching this movie, I found myself saying, "Self, the good guys are just so cool in this movie!!!" While I do agree that Hades has some great lines, being the Good-Guys-All-The-Way purist that I am, I had to defend them against the likes of D over there----> who would have you believe that HADES was the coolest thing about the movie. :) Now, if that was the case, they would have called it Hades instead of Hercules, right? Right. Sooooo... I'll have a not-so-neutral summary up here asap! In the meantime, I'll just leave this one up. As the Lord of the Dead writes in his memoirs...

So this kid Herc--whom I kidnapped as a baby in order to turn mortal and kill yadda yadda(i'm not even gonna go into that)--survives and grows up a big klutz. He decides that his oversized limbs and glowing complexion are a gift from the gods, and when his parents confirm it, goes off to the temple of Zeus. The kid finds out Zeus is his father, and is sent to Philoctetes to train to be a goody-gumdrop hero god-type.

So he trains and gets all buff and brawny and stuff. And then I find out from my little bird, my little flower, my little nut--Meg that he's still alive. How nice for me to know this. After wrapping my Henchmens' butts around their necks and givin' 'em another pair of shoulders I arrange a little deal with Meg....she helps me to get rid of wonderbrat. But--gee, it ain't my day--every monster I throw at the kid, it doesn't even slow him down. That's when I decide it's time for another strategy: Meg.

I find out that while Meg is trying to discover his weaknesses, the only one Herc has is Meg! And---with a little persuasion, Herc and I make a deal.....he gets to be mortal and Meg goes free--and *I* get to conquer Olympus unbothered! HA! ...But wouldn't ya know it....there's always a snag--can't tell ya; if you have seen the movie ya already know...

...Herc gets his little stwength back and ruins my plans!! And, unfortunately, the brat ends up a god after all.....

And they dance, they kiss, they schmooze, they carry on, they go home happy and-- *sigh* they live happily ever after. Happy ending time--and look at me--i've got nothing!! Now, tell me kids--is that old or what?? Wouldn't you rather have the villain win for once! I know i'd like it...C'mon! It'll be fun!!

Gee...I wonder what Julie will think when she sees what I got done for her? (thinks it over).....Maybe I should start running now.....

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