Who stole the great Hope Diamond?
What killed the Dinosaurs?
Who makes the finest pizza?
What's in your brother's dresser drawers?
Mysteries of life,
screaming to be solved.
Here we stand in our trenchcoats,
Dying to get involved.

Chorus:

We're super-duper snoopers,

First class private eyes.

Figure outers, clearer uppers,

Mistresses of disguise.

We've got the know how,

We've got the knack.

Now all we need's a case to crack.

We're two super-duper snoopers.

Give us a mystery.

Chorus

Give us a thing that makes no sense, look at us gather evidence.
A fingerprint, a ball of lint,
The slight aroma of peppermint.
A film of soap, a trand of rope,
Throw it beneath our microscope.
Let's see...What can it be? Suddenly...
Aha!

Chorus

We've go the gear and everything.
now if the phone would only ring.
We're two super-duper snoopers.
Give us a mystery! (Whoa!)
Give us a mystery! (Oh yeah!)
Give us a mystery!
We need a mystery!

You want to come too. We know you do.
And maybe someday you will.
She wants to come now, No way, no how!
Sorry, negativesville
Why not? Why not? Let's see, why not.

Lizzie baby, we'd rather you weren't along today
But shouldn't we tell her why?
We'd just rather you weren't okay?
Now back off and say goodbye.
We'd rather be picked up by a twister,
Than tagged along after by a sister.
We'd rather eat french fried garden snails.
We'd rather lose all out finger nails.
Or bathe in a pool of slime!
Hasta la vista, baby sista!
Maybe some other time.

Chorus:

B-U-T-T out! B-U-T-T out!

Turn your tiny frame about and B-U-T-T out!

Ya betta, ya betta, ya betta, ya betta,

B-U-T-T out!

Chorus

Beat it! Amscran! Hit the Highway!
See ya! Ciao! Vamoose! Be off! Reduce!
You're gonna, you're gonna, she's ain't gonna wanna, B-U-T-T out!

Lizzie, you just can't come today.
Maybe next time we'll see.
Maybe a year from this coming May, or maybe next century!
It's not that you might be out of place.
It's not that we can't stand your face,
or that you're not of the human race.
It's just that you're too young!

Be a sweetie, B-U-T-T out!
Eat your Zitti, B-U-T-T out!
Phone home E.T., Go home E.T., B-U-T-T out!
Take a hint, take a hike, B-U-T-T out!
Ya betta, ya betta, ya betta, ya betta, B-U-T-T out!

I've given up my nightlight 'cause I'm not scared of the dark.
I've tasted buttermilk. Sat through Jurassic Park.
I've taken off my training wheels, used adult shampoo.
Sometimes there's no limit to the scary things I'll do.
I don't hide in the closet when I hear thunderclap.
I dunk my head in water, I've sat on Santa's lap.
I never bat an eye when I get my measles shot.
So when things get scary, it's a good thing I've got...

Bravery...I'm brimming with bravery
.

I'm always prepared. And if I'm still scared, I get my Mom.
First day at kindergarten, others might have wept.
Sat and played with Legos, At nap time, I slept.
I climb the tallest jungle guys, slide the biggest slides.
When I go to Disney World, I ride the biggest rides.
Last Friday at assembly, in front of the whole school,
I played a singing carrot and didn't lose my cool.
I hoped out on that stage, and sang out clear and strong.
In sticky situations, I always bring along...

Bravery...Three cheers for Bravery.
The sight of a ghost, won't turn me to toast.
I'm better than that.

Bravery...I'm brimming with Bravery.
But if I despair, and Mom isn't there,
there's always Dad.

Wavery...When my knees get wavery,
My heart's in my mouth, my nerves heading south,
And I've got the shakes.

Quavery...When my voice gets quavery,
I suck in my gut. I'm mean and I'm lean. I swagger and strut.
A P.T. Marine. Left right, left, right,
I left the jitters behind.

Bravery...Three cheers for Bravery/
You won't see us clinch when we're in the trench.
Or when things get hairy.

Bravery...Let's hear it for bravery!
We're so full of bravery, It's scary!

Panthelogy? What's that? Sismology? Beats me.
Rheumatology? Radiology? Musicology? Musicology!

Chorus:

Play the funky, funky, musicology!

Play it on your radi-adi-adiology.

How I love it, love it, love it!

Gosh and golly gee!

Gotta, gotta, gotta, have that funky musicology!

Now when I wear a pair of panthelogy,
I like that extra large seismology.
Which leaves a lotta, lotta rheumatology,
For when I'm dancing. To that funky musicology!

Chorus

Greek mythology? Now that I understand.
Genealogy? Poof! Your wish is my command.
What's this? Phonology? Something about the phone?
Ichthyology? Leave it alone.
Pharmacology, (uh-huh) Etiology? (Okay)
Meteorology? (I like) Ideology? (Do tell).

Down on old McDonald's pharmacology,
they grow food that we etiology.
Even the meat? You mean meteorology?
Frankly, I don't have the slightest ideology.
Fancy phraseology rings my bell.
Tricky, tricky, tricky, terminology, sounds so swell.

She drove off in her lexicology.
Her fancy souped up autobiography.
But then she ran out of gastronentrology.
had to buy a tank full with her Visa cardiology.
Then she drove her lexicology right into the oceanography,
so she had to hail a taxonomy to take her homeopathy.

Chorus

Ology, ology, ology, ology, ology.
Hep, hep, hep!
Funky musicology, yeow! Yeow!

It floats up the stairs, it floats down the hall.
It floats into my bedroom, right through the wall.
It glides post my dresser, to the bedpost. I swear.
I'm looking at a ghost! Naaaaa!

There's no such thing! It's not a ghost,
because there's no such thing. No such thing.
I can't be frightened of a globby, green, glow,
'cause there's no such thing.

It plays the piano, it swings on the swing.
It does a lot considering there's no such thing.
Then it boots my computer, as quick as you please.
It floats on the keyboard. It presses some keys.
"What creature may you be?" came up on the screen.
I type in, "a human being."

Suddenly, the rooms goes as icy as winter,
and something came out of the printer...
"No such thing! You can't be human, cause there's no such thing.
Those human stories, they scare ghosts so,
but we know there's no such to thing!"
Now hold the phone! I'm really real!
"You're not!," "are not!," "You're wrong". I cried!
"All right, let's play a game of cards to decide."
"Okay. Whoever wins the game, that one's real."
He types out, "You got it. Now deal!."

I ask him for aces, he types out "you wish."
He asks me for sevens. I type out "You wish!"
"Jacks?" "Sorry." "Queens?" "No." "Sixes?" "huh-uh." "Twos?"
We play for a hour, and guess what? I lose!
"No such thing. You don't exist! There's so such thing!"
It made me crazy to be told where to go
by something who's no such thing.