BART`S BLACKBOARD INTRODUCTIONS

  • I will not waste chalk
  • I will not aim for the head
  • I will not skateboard in the halls
  • I will not barf unless I'm sick
  • I will not burp in class
  • I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
  • I will not instigate revolution
  • I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
  • I will not draw naked ladies in class
  • I will not conduct my own fire drills
  • I did not see Elvis
  • I will return the seeing-eye dog
  • Funny noises are not funny
  • I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
  • I will not snap bras
  • Garlic gum is not funny
  • I will not fake seizures
  • They are laughing at me, not with me
  • This punishment is not boring and meaningless
  • I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
  • My name is not Dr. Death
  • I will not encourage others to fly
  • I will not defame New Orleans
  • I will not fake my way through life
  • I will not prescribe medication
  • Tar is not a plaything
  • I will not bury the new kid
  • I will not Xerox my butt
  • I will not teach others to fly
  • It's potato, not potatoe
  • I will not bring sheep to class
  • I will not trade pants with others
  • A burp is not an answer
  • The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
  • I am not a 32 year old woman
  • Teacher is not a leper
  • I will not do that thing with my tongue
  • Coffee is not for kids
  • I will not drive the principal's car
  • I will not eat things for money
  • I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
  • I will not sell school property
  • The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
  • I will not cut corners
  • I will not squeak chalk
  • I do not have diplomatic immunity
  • I will not charge admission to the bathroom
  • I will not get very far with this attitude
  • Goldfish don't bounce
  • I will not make flatulent noises in class
  • Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
  • I will not belch the National Anthem
  • No one is interested in my underpants
  • I will not sell land in Florida
  • I will not sell miracle cures
  • I will not grease the monkey bars
  • Underwear should be worn on the inside
  • I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
  • The Christmas pageant does not stink
  • I will not do anything bad ever again
  • I will not torment the emotionally frail
  • I will not show off
  • I will not call the principal "spud head"
  • I will not carve gods
  • I will not sleep through my education
  • I will not spank others
  • I am not a dentist
  • I will not bribe Principal Skinner
  • Spitwads are not free speech
  • I will finish what I start>
  • Nobody likes sunburn slappers
  • "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
  • High explosives and school don't mix
  • Hamsters cannot fly
  • All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
  • I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
  • I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
  • >My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
  • I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
  • I am not deliciously saucy
  • Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
  • I will not send lard through the mail
  • I will not use abbrev.
  • Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
  • Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
  • Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
  • There are plenty of businesses like show business
  • I will not dissect things unless instructed
  • I will not hang donuts on my person
  • No one wants to hear my armpits
  • I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
  • I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
  • I will not strut around like I own the place
  • Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
  • The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
  • I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
  • I am not a lean mean spitting machine
  • The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
  • I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
  • Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
  • I do not have power of attorney over first graders
  • Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
  • I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
  • I am not certified to remove asbestos
  • "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
  • I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
  • I will remember to take my medication
  • The boys room is not a water park
  • Beans are neither fruit nor musical
  • Nerve gas is not a toy
  • "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
  • The First Amendment does not cover burping
  • Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough

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    By:
    Alejandro Gil López
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