The Retarded Sheep's Great Sheep Conspiracy
The Self Acclaimed Best Great Sheep Conspiracy on the Web
As the world begins to seek out the truth in such matters as JFK, UFO's, Area 51, and PROMIS, an even greater government coverup is slowly becoming unraveled. This of course, is the great sheep conspiracy. We will show you how the world government leaders have conspired together to keep the sheep from receiving it's proper recognition in our history books, and how the entertainment industry is also part of this devious action. I first became aware of this governmental cover-up several years ago when on a vacation back east. Little did I know when I first started investigating this subject what I would find.............
I first became aware of some sort of cover-up while taking in the sights of the colonial area. One of the places that I was going to visit was the home of Patrick Henry, and that is where all of this started. While looking in his back yard I noticed an old sheep's food dish. When I saw the name on the dish a cold chill ran up my spine. There it was in for everybody to see.....Liberty. I began to wonder if this could possibly be what he was refering to when he uttered the immortal words, "Give me Liberty or give me death !". I had to find out for sure, so I hid underneath his bathroom sink and waited for the tourguides to leave for the night. After they departed I got up from my cramped quarters, and began searching through Mr. Henry's personal belongings. Finally after searching for several hours I found what I was looking for: his diary. I opened the front door and ran out as fast as I possibly could, leaving behind me the sound of burgular alarms. I ran to my hotel room and searched through his diary; to see if it contained the answers that I was looking for. My fears were soon confirmed as one of the first pages I turned to contained the following entry: "I know that scoundrel George Washington has stolen my beloved lamb Liberty. Just because his wife Martha ordered him to get rid of all of his sheep, does he think he's justified in taking mine? When I saw him at the meeting tonight I pleaded and pleaded with him to return my lamb, but my pleas were falling on deaf ears. I finally said to him, "Give me Liberty or give me death!", but once again he did not reply." I was shaking as I continued to look through the diary of Patrick Henry. I was wondering what else our government could be hiding from us. I didn't have to wonder for very long when I came upon this entry in the diary: "There was a great disturbance in the Boston Harbor today. A group of British soldiers dressed themselves up as Colonists and illegally boarded one of the ships that was at dock. Then they began to throw live sheep over the edge into the water. We decided that this was the last straw, we would no longer consider ourselves British subjects due to their barbaric actions even if it means going to war. I feel that what is now being called the Boston Sheep Party will go down in history books as the event that started the great war." Feeling sick to my stomach, I continued to read through the diary of this great man. I soon began to wish that I had never taken his diary to begin with when I came to the following passage: "I finally figured out that Thomas Jefferson has been winning all of his bets with me. It turns out he and Paul Revere are partners in this little scam that they're running. When Mr. Revere makes his nightly ride through town to deliver newspapers, Mr. Jefferson already knows which sex the animal will be that Mr. Revere is riding. This is because they have deveolped a signal where Mr. Revere hangs up a certain number of lanterns in the church tower to indicate if the newspapers will be delivered on a male or on a female sheep. Their system is one if by lamb, two if by sheep." The next day I snuck the diary back into Mr. Henry's bedroom and caught the first plane returning for the west coast. As soon as I returned home I began to wonder why all of this had been covered up, and what I could do to make these facts aware to the general public. I called up one of my friends who worked for the L.A. Times, and made plans to meet with him later on in the evening to discuss an "urgent matter." He arrived at 8:00 pm and I began to fill him in on all of the facts that I had discovered. Instead of being interested in what I had to say he looked extremely nervous. He told me, "that you're dealing with things that are better off left alone", and left within 30 minutes after arriving. At 9:05 pm I got a knock on the door from four men who turned out to be with the National Security Agency. They told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever mentioned the word sheep to anybody again I would soon join another fellow who had uncovered the great sheep cover-up; Jimmy Hoffa. I sat around for days not knowing what to do until one morning at 4:00 am I received a phone call from a mysterious woman who said that she was in possession of some information that I might find interesting. I agreed to meet her at 5:30 am in the parking lot of Dunkin Doughnuts on the corner of Elm and 57th Ave. I arrived a few minutes early, and I should have known that something up. There was not a policeman in sight. In retrospect, if I was smart I would have turned around and went back home, but it didn't dawn on me until later on that no policemen at a doughnut shop means trouble. Anyway, a new Mustang pulled into the parking lot and stopped several spots from where I was parked. A middle aged woman wearing a turban got out of the car and began walking towards the spot where I was parked. Suddenly from out of nowhere a white Chevy van appeared and began began shooting in our direction. She was three feet away from my car when she fell to the barrage of bullets that showered upon her. I reached out and picked up the envelope that she was carrying and by the grace of God managed to get out of there alive. Knowing that I could no longer return home, I headed east to Las Vegas, which is where I am currently writing this article. I checked into an old run down hotel on the north side of Las Vegas Blvd., where as long as they get their money they don't ask any questions. I went to my room to look at the documents that had just cost one woman her life. What was contained in those documents makes up the rest of this story, and I'm sure you will be shocked. There were two seperate folders and one letter enclosed in the envelope. The letter was the first thing to get my attention as I noticed it was written on New World Order stationary. The letter is as follows: "July 17,1996 New World Order 1350 N.Y. Ave.,N.W.,Suite 1350 Washington, D.C. 20005 Dear Mr. Rockefeller: Enclosed are the following documents that you requested regarding the remaking of any sheep entertainment, along with copies of canceled checks that were made as payment to the authors and screenwriters for their complience with your request that the work in question be changed. I have also enclosed the synopsis from each writer on how the original would have been if not for our interference. Sincerely, Tom Cochran" I opened the folder that was marked "Movies", but I didn't expect to find anything like I did. There were several forms that contained the following headings: "Original Title", "Original Plot", and "Our Title". It didn't take me too long to figure out was was going on here. These New World Order people had planted spies at every single movie studio in the world, and if anybody was going to make a film that was related to sheep in any manner, the NWO would offer the screenwriter a large sum of money (more than twice as much as they were getting for writing the script) to let them rewrite a script that would be as close to the original as possible, but would remove any mention of sheep! The number of films that the New World Order has changed is staggering. I do not have the time to go over each and every single one of them, but I will give you several choice examples. All of these films remained popular even in spite of being changed, so you can figure out what they were remade into on your own. I will simply give you the original title and the original plot of each film. "Sheepless in Seattle -- The story of a man who is trying to cope with the fact that his sheep is having an affair on him. Dances With Sheep -- The story of a white man who is living with a group of Indians. Things are going very well until one day the Indians see this white man doing the polka with some lambs and scalp him. And those are just a few of the samples that I uncovered. The other folder was marked "Books" and it was in the exact same format. I will also give you several examples of books that the New World Order paid top dollar to remove all mention of sheep in. "Men Are From Mars, Sheep Are From Venus -- This was going to be a book on improving relationships between men and the sheep in their lives. Sheep Soup For The Soul -- Originally a book filled with marvelous stories on all of the wonderful things that sheep have done for others. All of this can only lead up to one question. Why? Why has the goverment gone through such extremes to keep sheep from getting the recognition that they so truely and richly deserve ? And what is it about sheep that has the members of the New World Order so scared? I can only hope that I remain alive long enough to find out the answers to these questions and the many others that will occurr once this story becomes public.
Notice: This is a parody. It is a joke. I do not really believe that Patrick Henry was calling to his sheep when he made his famous speech. My apologies to those of you who recognize this, but I have been getting many an e-mail from people who do not. Thank you.
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