The Retarded Sheep's Guide to Games

The Self Acclaimed Best Guide to Games on the Web


Article 1: Nose to the Wall

Number of Players: 1 to infinity.
Materials: 1 Wall or other large vertical surface; Humans (in the case that a human is not available substitute another sentient organism such as a manatee or an ibex.
Instructions:
  1. Have everybody line up 10-15 feet away from the wall.
  2. Make everybody close their eyes or blindfold them.
  3. Spin each person around so they are dizzy but leave them facing the wall.
  4. Everyone starts walking forward trying to get their nose as close to the wall without touching it.
  5. The winner is the person who gets the closest.
Tip: Emitting a constant "Ehhhhhhhh" sound, and listening for the echo off the wall will help. In this way, you too can use echo location to "see" where a wall is.


Article 2: The Funnest Game in the World

Number of Players: 1
Materials: 1 Ball. 1 Human.
Instructions:
  1. Throw ball about a foot in the air.
  2. Catch ball.
Tip: This is the funnest game in the world because every other game in the world is a variation of it except that you throw the ball to someone and in most of the you are trying to get somewhere. For instance soccer, the only difference is you play with your feet and try to get it in a goal, basketball you try to get it in a hoop, tennis you use rackets, etc.


Article 3: Race your Own Saliva!

Number of Players: 1
Materials: 1 Human. 1 Wall. 1+ Salivary Gland.
Instructions:
  1. Stand 10-20 feet from wall.
  2. Face the wall.
  3. Spit at a 45 or more degree angle in direction of wall.
  4. Run towards wall right after releasing projectile saliva.
  5. Object of the game: Touch the wall before your saliva does. Automatic "out" if saliva never reaches the wall. Score according to the angle of release. The smaller the angle, the higher the score.
Tip: Preferrably play in a non-crowded area. For increased difficulty, play in an area with a low ceiling. Try not to run into your spit as it is flying.
Tip: Do not play this game.

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