If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on
the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to
press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will
answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you
are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
