Blonde Jokes

A blonde went into a pizza parlour. When she said that she'd like a medium
pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into:
six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I
could ever eat twelve.

On a hot summer day, an angry blonde woman was brought into the hospital
with severe burns on her mouth and lips. When the doctors asked her what
had happened, she said that she had caught her boyfriend with another
woman, so she had tried to retaliate by blowing his car up.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday.

What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A vacant possession.

How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.

One day a blonde goes up to a soda machine. She
puts in some money and a soda comes out. She gets
really excited and started to put more money into
the machine. The more and more she did it, the
more the sodas came out. Someone walked up to her
and asked her if they could get a soda.
The blonde said, "Get out of my face, I'm winning!

How are blondes like paint?
Get them all stirred up, spread them a little and you can't get them off
your hands.

What happens when you crack open a blonde's head?
Absolutely nothing.
WARNING! If done in an enclosed room the vacuum could blow the windows
out.

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly,
the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The blonde looked up
and said, Where?

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.

The blonde was over heard at the little General Store, saying, "Why do
you call this a general store if you don't sell generals here?"

What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray.

What did the blonde doctor say when her hands got cold after an
operation?
"Oh my gosh, I've left my gloves inside the patient!"

Did you hear about the blonde counterfeiter?
Yeah, they caught her erasing zeros from 10 dollar bills.

Why did the blonde baste her Turkey with Coppertone?
She didn't want the turkey to burn!

Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers, and their mothers told
them not to talk with their mouths full.

Why do so many blondes dye their hair roots a dark colour?
That's to confuse blond males.

What's the most important thing in a blonde's makeup kit?
A paint roller.

Why do they refer to blondes as "Amazon Women?"
Because they are wide at the mouth.

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on the bosses' faces.

What is the blonde's favourite potato chip?
Frito-Lay (free-to-lay).

What kind of batteries do blondes use in their toys?
Ever-ready.

What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
Perri-air

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
When you have a patch kit and tire pump to reinflate it!

Why did the blonde keep the freezer full of ice cubes?
That's how she kept the refrigerator cold.

What is a blonde's favourite part of a gas station?
The Air Pump!

What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.

What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
They pull up their pants.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

Why did the blonde always tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

How many blondes does it take to make a complete circuit?
Two, one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow
dryer!

Why do blondes shower until the hot water runs out?
The shampoo bottle says, "Lather, rinse, and repeat!"

Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
She was having sunny periods.

How do you get a divorce from a female blonde?
Tell her the baby she had isn't hers.

Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath?
She's still has not gotten all the hair off her tongue.

What do you call a blonde who uses to much contraceptive cream?
A spermicical maniac.

Why was the blonde laughing while the man ripped her clothes off?
She knew they'd never fit him.

What do you call a blonde at the library?
Lost!

Why do blondes eat so much salad?
They eat like rabbits, too.

Why did the blonde laugh when the man reached into her bra?
She knew her money was in her sock.

How are blondes like sperm?
Only one in 10 million actually do anything productive.