Men Only

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never
be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven!

Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them
apart.

Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant....and expecting a girl.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's
sex drive by 90%...wedding cake