I guess you can call this my Guest Dreamer Spot. My friend, XFU President Amy, can recall only one X-Files-related dream. She was visiting Barbra Streisand, who had just had a headless baby!!! Amy was freaking out, but of course, as dreams go, Barbra just waved it off, saying, "Oh, it'll grow back." Much as the image must have been completely nightmarish, there's something funny about the concept of Barbra Steisand's headless baby - in a "South Park" kind of way...

(From an email - reposted with permission) "I had a great XF-related dream last night! Scully was fighting Duane Barry for custody of Piper Anderson. Sure, Fine...you all know the rest. :-D."

... when you're having dreams about Bruce Willis and the X-Files combined. An email from Sarah posted with her permission:

I have never just e-mailed anybody I don't know like this but it just seemed fitting. I just read (and thoroughly enjoyed) your crazy X-Files dreams page. I have to agree that you are perfectly sane and if you are someday to proven to be insane I guess that would make me crazy too. This is because I too have been blessed with a very strange XF related dream. I haven't told anyone but my family about it but your page inspired me so here goes:

One evening I got a phone call from Bruce Willis asking me on a date to see "Armageddon". I agreed and we had a great time. After the movie he dropped me off at school where I met up with my friend Alisyn. There was a bomb threat at the school so Alisyn and I tried to leave but all the doors were locked. After the typical dream mumbo-jumbo we found a way out and called the police. Who knew they would send in the FBI? So Mulder and Scully arrived at the scene and Mulder began commenting that it was very odd that someone would be willing to sacrifice a building full of students... must be a cover-up!! So our favorite agents began to search the building and they let me and Alisyn help. While M and S searched the basement we took a hallway. Bruce Willis jumped out of the corner and dragged us into a classroom.

He tied us up and held a gun to our heads while explaining that he was going to blow up the building because... get this... he had stolen the box office charts for the month of June and replaced then with phonies. He did it because "The X-Files" movie did better in weeks one and two then "Armageddon" had. Just as he was going to shoot me, Mulder burst through the door and shot Bruce and saved us. Scully explained that they had found the charts with the watermark proving their authenticity.

Grace Zabriskie then, as Sara Palmer

There has been a rash of killings in which people appear to be ripped apart by some sort of large animal. In our position as omniscient dreamer, we know that it was really a group of people with claws like Wolverine from the X-men. They have a plot to demoralize the the general populace and seize power for themselves. Mulder, Krycek and Laura Palmer's mother from Twin Peaks have been assigned to the case (and no, I don't know how Mrs. Palmer ended up in the FBI). Mrs Palmer is actually a double agent, working for the claw people, but she is having twinges of conscience about it. Krycek suspects her involvement, but Mulder thinks that its Krycek who is the inside source.

Mrs. Palmer goes AWOL one day to try and figure things out. She goes to the beach (why not?) where, dressed in a stylish leopard-skin print bikini from the fifties, she ponders what to do. Eventually she decides to come clean with the FBI and expose the claw-people's plot.

Then Krycek appears and confronts her. As they argue, the claw people appear and attack. She takes off while Krycek is fighting them.

Krycek appears to be losing when Mulder shows up and saves the day. Krycek is wounded, a big gash in his chest, and Mulder takes him back to his house, which is, oddly enough, one of those fake-Spanish split-level bungalows you see in old film noir flicks set in L.A.. There, amongst the potted plants and wrought-iron lamps, Mulder strips Krycek's shirt off, lays him down on the couch and starts to clean his wound. Krycek notices that Mulder's head is bleeding, and reaches out to touch it . . . their eyes meet and they kiss (violins, please!).

At that moment, the claw people burst in, followed by and FBI SWAT team. Mrs. Palmer has confessed all and called out the cavalry. Krycek is loaded into an ambulance, Mulder casting worried glances back at him as Mrs. Palmer leads him away. When they are out of ear-shot, he gives her a look of pure venom and says "Did you sleep with him?" Then I woke up! [Emile's comment - now why don't I get to have M/K dreams???]

Grace Zabriskie, the artist, now

All I can recall of it is that there was some kind of first nations ghost dance thing going on, complete with annoying disembodied National Geographic-type narration. Mulder and Scully were there for some reason. Then it turned out that instead of these shamanic/peace pipes that were supposed to be delivered (my knowledge of first nations culture is pretty limited, can you tell?) someone delivered all these crack pipes (!!!???!?) I shudder to think where this came from in my subconscious!. Then I was sitting at my kitchen table with a despondent Mulder saying to him "You just can't think about it that way!"

I have no idea what he was supposed to not be thinking about.

Scully and Mulder and I are taking a class together, taught by a famous charismatic professor. It is held around a big druidic stone table in the ruins of an old cathedral, between two power corridors, so we're surrounded by hydro towers.

There's a girl in our class who's a prodigy, a famous architect even though she's just a teenager. The professor keeps making comments about how brilliant she is, until Scully gets jealous and starts making loud remarks about her important FBI work.

One of the men in the class has some kind of symbiont that makes him nearly immortal, and he has a crush on Scully. He doesn't want her to make a fool of herself with these remarks, so he tips the bench over and we all go tumbling to the ground.

Then we're hunting a serial killer, and at the same time we're running a program for inner-city children at risk, which is rather like some kind of Dickensian work-house, as they have to clean and scrub the floor all the time. Skinner is there now too, but as well as being an AD he's a filmmaker, and has very elaborate facial hair, sideburns and a goatee and connecting whiskers.

We all think that the symbiont man is the killer, as people are prejudiced against symbiont-people. So we hunt him down to his hideout on the moors, where we discover that he's taking care of all his female ancestors. They live in nicely-furnished cages under the ground, because they've all gone mad from living for so long. His mother looks like Bette Davis in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane," and she tells us that he is really a nice young man for taking care of them all. We realize we've been mistaken about him being the serial killer.

This opera singer shows up then, she is extremely fat and very nicely dressed and is some kind of elemental spirit as well as an opera singer. She wants to take Mulder away with her. She has a huge chair with two smaller chairs attached to it for her favourite harem boys, and she is saving one for Mulder.

The children keep running around like amoral little imps, telling us how much they hate washing floors, and I am trying to find something else for them to do, like maybe a little light gardening. Then we catch the serial killer.

Skinner has been filming our hunt and everything, so he has some very powerful and disturbing film footage. He thinks he can make the best film of his career from it, but is afraid that he will ruin his FBI career by doing so, as the footage is so disturbing. I keep telling him to make the film because it will be Great Art. The children tell him to make the film because he could make a lot of money, and then they wouldn't have to scrub the floors anymore. The opera singer storms off in a huff, her entourage pulling her giant chair behind their cube van, and Skinner decides that he will make the film, but will tell the whole story so that he won't lose his FBI career.

He is so exhausted by this decision that he collapses onto a big fur-covered bed that has suddenly appeared, and Mulder starts to soothingly stroke his bald scalp.

Meanwhile a gang of vigilantes has buried the symbiont-man alive, making his symbiont go dormant. Scully, her clothes all mussed, is just about to set off to rescue him when I wake up.

(P.S. - Perhaps I should mention that I had seen 8mm the day before, and even tho I thought the movie was pretty bad, it seems to have invaded my subconscious!)

...I had a Scully dream last night! I feel like I can join the club, now (LOL).

I don't remember all the details, but there was an invisible wall in this old house that transported me to "the other side," like I was a ghost, and I had to help Scully find the wall so she could bring me back from the other side. It was odd, because she could hear me and sense me, but the old man that owned the house could not. Mulder wouldn't answer his cell phone, so she started chit-chatting with me, like a couple of school chums catching up. Weird. I don't know if we ever figured where the wall was.

I don't have them all that often, but I had one so vivid that I had to write it down.

The world had become nearly overrun by vampires. A strict truce had been enforced to keep peace as well as to prevent the dying out of the entire human race. Killing a human being was forbidden, one was only permitted take enough blood to survive. Fox Mulder broke the truce, not only by killing, but in that his victim was a pregnant woman. He was promptly sentenced to eternal death by the other vampires.

The method of execution was to be shot by wooden arrows. Since Mulder had committed such a heinous crime, he was also raped first by another vampire, in this case Walter Skinner. Finally, Mulder was led to a clearing in the forest, where faceless figures tied him up and began to shoot him with small darts that were excruciatingly painful but not lethal.

The proceedings were interrupted by a command from Alex Krycek. He was Mulder's former lover, and still had feelings for him. When Krycek took up the large bow and arrow for the coup de grace, Mulder held up his head and smiled. Krycek mouthed "I love you" just as he let the string go....

That's it! Talk about angst. I was thinking of actually making this into a story, but I have had too many other projects going on. Thanks for letting me tell this one.

Posted in my guestbook, for the shippers amongst us: Your dreams are very intriguing...and strange. Speaking of X-Dreams, the other night I rented "Fight the Future" and later that night I dreamed that I was Mulder in the Hallway scene with Scully. But she never got stung by the bee, and we kissed. Hot damn!!! It was a great dream.

YET ANOTHER HORRENDOUS DISCLAIMER: This website is for entertainment purposes only. This site is in no way affiliated with 20th Century Fox, 1013 Productions, Chris Carter, Land of the Lost, Star Trek, Paramount Pictures, Bruce Willis, Barbra Streisand or her headless baby. All opinions contained herein are those of the author alone. FOX Network owns the X-Files. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made from the use of these characters.