I was just sitting at my computer, bored, when I got the idea for an "X-Files Horoscope". (This would be considered as relevant for the list, right??) Anyways, I hope that it amuses you and maybe even stirs something in you that may not have been there before. Enjoy!
SCORPIO ~ This month proves to be an unpredictible one. Don't forget to carry your latex gloves with you. You may be embarassed when you find your fingers covered in a gelatinious-like goo in front of your superiors. Spend a little one-on-one time with someone special over a nice bowl of sunflower seeds. You have a craving for companionship right now and 1-900 numbers and porn just aren't gonna cut it.
SAGATTARIUS ~ Time for you to catch up on some neglected paperwork. You've been so busy tearing around from state to state that you have not been able to find time for yourself. You may feel that you need to pamper yourself - go right ahead. Shopping may prove to be your means of escape. Go to various stores such as Office Depot and purchase an office desk. Try a new pair of Ray-Bans, they may come in handy in the future.
CAPRICORN ~ This is the big break that you have been waiting for. You've just been re-assigned to a new department in your place of work. You may also want to consider a make-over to more suit your profession. Try not to boast about the sudden change too much. This may cause your collegues to resent you and possibly plan your demise. They will be taken care of in the long run; however, not as harshly as you would like. Take everything in stride and do not worry...you're time will come soon enough.
AQUARIUS ~ This month has been full of surprises for you. You may have just located a lost family member, or they may have taken the liberty upon themself to find you. There is great negitive tension between you and a co-worker. You may have robbed them of their position and thus been the target for a lot of negitivity. This month, you are compatible with
CAPRICORN. In fact, they may even be assigned to be your new partner. Try not to get too excited, this CAPRICORN may turn out to be a woman with long, shaggy brown hair and a real stick up her bum.
PISCES ~ This entire month has been one real headache for you. You do not feel as though you are in control of your own life. You are truly gifted at this time, however, in that you are able to see right through people. Try not to be made too vulnerable as many people will be coming after you for various reasons. This would also be a good time to write a letter to your parents; they're worried about you even though they don't seem to be. It may be a good idea to take a Community College course on Anaesthesology.
ARIES ~ Despite your efforts, you just keep getting dragged into things that do not necessarily concern you. You constantly feel like you're playing the "Good Cop/Bad Cop" role to people under you. They may be getting frustrated and confused with this display. It's best to just express your loyality to them. You may prove to be the missing link that they need to continue. You're also under a lot of stress. Your bald spot just can't stop making its way across your entire head. Baby Oil works well as a head-shiner. Try to experiment on what works best for you.
TAURUS ~ Your whole life has just been one smoky haze for as long as you can remember. You seriously need to get out more and spend some quality time with those that you love - if there are any at all. Puffing around with your friend Morley isn't going to help you one bit either. You may want to invest in some Nicorette Gum and some Anti-Wrinkle cream. My sources also tell me that you have a hidden literary piece stashed away, this may be the opportune time to send it to a new publisher.
GEMINI ~ What else can I say? You're beside yourself this month. You've noticed that you are seeing yourself almost everywhere and anywhere you go. Try to avoid long, sharp, pointy metal objects as well as tall, wrestler-looking men who are getting just a little too close to your neck for your liking. Someone from your past has been searching for you for many years now. If you cannot think of who this person may be, allow me to help you. Here's your hint: "Stratego".
CANCER ~ You're in the mood for love. To help cupid find his way to you, you may want to meet with a friend-of-a-friend whom you have been eying for quite some time now. You are heavily attracted to red-heads who have "Skeptic" written on their foreheads. Try to control your raging hormones. They will notice you soon enough. In the meantime, try a new haircut and possibly get a new wardrobe. This will surely impress!
LEO ~ Try to hook up with your old high school pals. One of them possibly still has your Van Halen T-Shirt from the twelveth grade. You may want to consider going to your optomitrist and looking into those contact lenses that you've been considering for awhile. You also may want to get a much needed hair cut. Have you bought your tickets for the next "Sci-Fi Convention" Yet?
VIRGO ~ You are usually the strong, silent type and feel that you are easily over-looked. However, that black and white eight by ten that you sent to "GQ Magazine" may not have been in vain. This could be your moment in the spotlight. Your High School reunion is coming up soon. Don't be afraid to mingle about in an attempt to try and find other Information Systems Experts like yourself. You and your team may be able to rally them to your cause.
LIBRA ~ This month, there is a great deal of pressure on you. Deadlines just keep creeping up and you find it hard to sneak in some last-minute surfing time. Also, with your wife's birthday approaching, you are running around trying to find that perfect gift. You may have made a major move in the past few months and are finding it hard to adjust to the smoggy surroundings that you now find yourself in. Just relax, take a deep breath and try not to cough.
->>--Xina-->