About a soap called General Hospital.
It started way back in history
When Jason Quartermaine was just a baby.
It was Alan's affair, Susan Moore was hot.
I popped out then she got shot.
Monica took him back, I know it's a shame.
Have you seen Alan's hair?
Can you say Rogaine?
Oh, I have a brother by the way.
He's the devil's child
His name's A.J.
He didn't play fair when mom would leave us
If I knew then
I'd swear he was Beavis.
A.J. always got into trouble but no one cares.
Except when he pushed Edward down the stairs.
Edward's toupee flew off
The sight was swell.
Nothing happened to A.J.
Because that shit was funny as Hell.
Well on to med school where dreams are made.
I don't know what it is
I could never get laid.
Oh, I see it now, Jason Q the surgeon.
Oh, my God, that poor bastard's still a virgin.
Oh, my day will come, it doesn't really matter
Except everyone in Port Charles got beat up by Jagger.
Oh, I got lucky once
It was Keesha no doubt.
Is she my cousin or what?
I still can't figure it out.
The old Jason Q was pretty lame you see.
All he would say is "Grandmother, would you like some tea?"
"Oh, no dear, that's okay...
Just don't get in a car with that drunk A.J."
Next thing you knew I was in a Corvette.
Woke up in a coma with a head like a Chia Pet.
Now the old Jason's gone who used to please ya.
It's frontal edema, thank you, not amnesia.
I don't know my family, nor my girlfriend.
I was living in a boxcar - the beginning of the end?
Everyone who knew me thinks I'm a fool.
Hey, I got laid already
That's pretty freaking cool.
Yeah, I met this girl Carly
Scored the first date.
She's not Bobbie's daughter...try Norman Bates.
Yeah, I ride a motorcycle
No it's not a Harley.
Hell, I could ride a green machine and still pick up Carly!
And then there was Gina, she wants to go to a movie.
After I drop her off
It's straight to Ruby's.
Now I work for Sonny - ain't nothing funny.
Looks like Poncharello and stole all my money.
The stock he took was worth 60 mil.
Uh, can I work for you now Sonny?
Yeah, that's a freaking deal!
When Sonny drinks, he gets kind of silly.
He sits in the dark and all he screams is "Lily!"
He always loved Lily, but it was Brenda from the start.
I don't think Lily's coming back
She sorta fell apart.
Then there's Taggart and Mac but no one told me.
What's up with their hair?
They probably used a Flow-Bee.
Don't mess around cause Sonny will watch it.
Oh, by the way, who the Hell is Lasha?
Run Lasha run, as fast as you can
Don't turn around - it's Goatee Man.
I must say I miss being in the Quartermaine clan.
Next year's story
Monica turns out to be a man.
Alan doesn't care
He'll sleep with anyone.
Words of advice: Run, Reginald, run!
Now on a serious note
Sonny left the show.
How much I'll miss him he'll truly never know.
He taught me a lot but that's the past.
If he ever comes back, I'll kick his ass.
Well, that's the end of my poem
Before I get into a fight.
Thanks for coming
Have a good night!
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