THE ASYLUM 'S F.A.Q
Over the past four years on the net, I have received a lot of fan questions about Saturday Night Live. This is a list of the most frequently asked questions from emails that I receive on a regular basis.
*Note some questions were made up to make me appear like I have a life.
Frequently Asked Question of Rufus Schmuck:
Q. Are you wearing clean underwear?
A. Yes, Mom I am.
Q. Did you see episode 329 of Saturday Night Live? It had musical guest Madonna, hosted by Alec Baldwin and they had this hilarious bit on President Bush and Dana Carvey did the Church lady?
A. No.
Q. Are you really a Virgin?
A. Why do I always get this question. Yes.
Q. What made you want to build a site dedicated to Saturday Night Live?
A. I guess I have always loved basketball.
Q. What made you want to become the webmaster of the Asylum?
A. Well, I have always been a fan of the great webmaster nerds of our time. Cecil Cantaloupe and Millhouse Mills were pioneers. However, my true love for the internet really blossomed when I discovered pornography. And I shall be loyal to it for eternity.
Q. Why are you such a freak?
A. Thanks for the question, I really don't know.
Q. Wouldn't it be cool if they discovered life on another planet and their planetary anthem was the "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats?
A. First off that would suck Dude and secondly want to hang out sometime?
Q. Remember the theme song to Punky Brewster ?
A. Get a Life! Punky was hot though.
Q. The Asylum is dedicated to Saturday Night Live. Yet most of it is for you and your ignorance to do your own comedy bits. What gives?
A. That's the mandate.
Q. How do you prove that if a and b are positive, the minimum value of y = a^2 csc^2 theta + b^2 sec^2 theta is (a + b)^2
A. Use the quotient rule of differentiation you royal idiot!
Q. Do you want to have sex with girl under 18??????
A. I should really put this into my bulk folder but they're so hot!!!!
Q. Seriously dude are you a virgin?
A. Fine I am! Are you happy???
Q. I am happy are you?
A. Whatever! Go away!
Q. I don't want to go away, can't I please stay?
A. Fine, but no more virgin questions.
Q. Where is the weirdest place you've ever done it?
A. In a remount of Hitler's prison camp at the University of Israel. That was very awkward. The ham was good though.
Q. I heard a rumor that you have one testicle in the shape of Charlie Brown's head?
A. Hey, so what. Who cares! That's my business! The reporter said she wouldn't tell anyone and least she doesn't know about my amputated lizard tail.
Q. What are your main goals in life?
A. First I want to be superior to God in every way, then I'd like to go back to High School.
Q. Could you please stop stalking me, it's starting to get on my nerves?
A. All you had to do was ask baby. Want to maybe make out?