62 Things We Will Probably Never See In The X-Men

3) An evil mutant shows up at the X-Mansion and threatens the team for all for five seconds before Wolverine sneaks up behind him and stabs him through both lungs before anyone else raises a finger.

4) The X-Men fight a mortal enemy to a standstill, but Xavier is able to enter his mind and stop the conflict by patiently explaining that his aggressive tendencies are a result of his being ostracised by his peers as a child.

5) The Beast uses standard English to explain why the computers aren't working.

6) Nightcrawler goes through an entire issue without once saying "Ach."

7) When the X-Men battle Magneto, Colossus saves the day by actually staying inhuman form long enough to sucker-punch Magneto into next week.

8) Jubilee talks to another character without saying "like" even once.

9) Shadowcat phases through a computer, only to discover that the surge protectors prevented her from doing any damage.

10) A villain ambushes the X-Men and shoots both Cyclops and Storm through the spleen before anyone can react, causing the rest of the X-Men to scatter like so many mindless ants.

11) A villain is thoroughly defeated after a long, drawn-out battle, and we get to see the body as proof that he's dead for good.

12) Cable runs out of ammo.

13) M encounters a new enemy and is forced to admit to her teammates, "I've never heard of this guy before in my life."

14) Nightcrawler sprains an ankle performing a jump and is forced to sit idly by for the rest of the battle.

15) Logan sits down with Xavier to "talk about something that's been bothering me for a while."

16) A villain activates a power-dampening field, rendering all the X-Men helpless, only to discover that he's affected by it as well.

17) Gambit throws a charged-up card, but misses due to an unfortunate gust off wind.

18) Psylocke refuses to don her standard costume, complaining that "It's that time of the month again."

19) Cyclops decides on a whim to go into battle wearing grunge fashions.

20) Strong Guy puts on a new costume and rips a seam.

21) Domino trips.

22) Mystique gives up her criminal career and decides to turn her powers for profit as a Hollywood stand-in.

23) A villain complains to the X-Men about mutants' being treated as scum by human society, and someone stops fighting and says, "Now hang on, that's a good point...."

24) Someone recognises Storm's white hair in public and fingers her as "that mutant I've seen on TV before!"

25) Anyone spots the X-Men and wonders why they're not still dead after the fracas in Dallas.

26) Havok runs out of juice.

27) Someone loses a contact lens halfway through a fight, and everyone has to stop to help him find it again.

28) Anyone, anywhere in a battle decides to shoot first and leave the witty comments for the coffee table discussions afterward.

29) Rogue tags a villain and is able to use her power to successfully knock them out long enough for him to be carted off to prison again.

30) Cyclops blasts two enemies at once by looking at them cross-eyed.

31) Forge claims he hasn't the slightest idea how something works.

32) An evil mutant shows up at the mansion who is significantly less powerful than everyone he meets there.

33) A villain has the X-Men dead to rights and decides to kill them while he has the chance.

34) The X-Men get sent into the future only to find upon their arrival that everyone there is getting along just fine with each other.

35) Jean refuses to get into her costume, claiming it makes her "look too fat."

36) Wolfsbane gets enraged, announces that she's going to tear the villain-du-jour's heart out, and the rest of the team decide to let her.

37) Polaris decides to become a conservative brunette.

38) Xavier has to close the mansion and kick the X-Men all out onto the streets, insisting that "I'm flat broke, we've got to sell the place."

39) The X-Men approach a new mutant for membership, explaining what she is, and she calmly responds, "Really? I hadn't noticed."

40) The most powerful menace the X-Men have ever faced turns out to be a baby who destroys half a block every time it cries.

41) Wolverine encounters a new enemy in his own book whom he hasn't ever met before.

42) Someone points out that whenever Shadowcat walks through a wall or the floor, the fuse box in the basement explodes.

43) A past villain shows up and begs for help or protection from the team, and they respond, "After the way you wrecked the back yard last year!?"

44)Husk in the morning: "Let's see, what to wear today? *SHRIPPP* Nah,too summery... *SHRIPPP* No, not my colour... *SHRIPPP* Ah, no, that's what M had on yesterday...."

45) Xavier senses someone's upset or under stress, and decides to respect their privacy and keep his PhD-enhanced mouth shut.

46) Amanda Sefton's rejected from membership in the X-books on account that, not only is she not a mutant, but her code name's the worst thing anyone's heard since "X-Posse."

47) A major war involving the Shi'ar, Kree, Skrulls, and at least half a dozen other interstellar powers breaks out, and no one on Earth notices or gets involved

.48) Banshee gets caught humming Crash Test Dummies in the shower when the infrasonics vibrate the roof into splinters.

49) Storm foregoes the dramatics and simply announces, "Let's freeze-dry the putz."

50) Exodus realises he can fry the X-Mansion from the ionosphere any time he wanted.

51) Beast investigates a new mutant spotted by Cerebro, thinks for a second, then comments "Nah, we've got one of those," and hits the 'Delete' key.

52) Logan gets a nosebleed.

53) Psylocke attacks an enemy with what is only identified by the editors "her funny pink knife-thingy."

54) Penance tries to figure out why everyone else at the dinner table is wasting their time with the forks.

55) Someone on the teams takes a vacation halfway around the world for two weeks, and never experiences anything more eventful than a back rub the whole time.

56) A new hero appears in the books who, after extensive genetic testing and cross-temporal explorations, is finally determined to be no relation to Scott Summers whatsoever.

57) The Dark Riders, in the middle of their "survival of the fittest" campaign, sit down for a few minutes and ponder the fact that Gauntlet hasn't ever led them in a successful campaign against the X-teams.

58) Three words: Richie Rich crossover.

59) The Blackbird is down for repair, and the X-Men have to rely on a borrowed Cessna for a few issues.

60) The X-Men have the foresight to bring a power-dampening field with them to battle and beat the villain senseless before he realises what's going on.

61) Gambit's coat gets caught on a nail in the enemy fortress long enough to get himself blasted into orbit by the bad guy.

62) Two villains get involved in attacking each other, and the X-Men wait on the sidelines betting on the outcome.