Blair Sandburg gazed gloomily out his window. The sun was shining and the air was clear, but inside he felt like a storm was ripping him apart.

He thought back on the past week with a lump in his throat. Back to the day when the storm first struck.

One week earlier

Blair and his best friend, and newly official partner, Jim Ellison, had planned on spending the day relaxing. Just sitting on the couch, watching the Jags game and eating less- than- healthy munchies. Munchies that he had been delegated to purchasing at the local store a couple of blocks away.

He didn't mind making the food run, the game didn't start for another forty- five minutes. And besides, Jim was buying. So he started out late that Sunday morning, jogging the short distance to the store.

That had been the beginning of the end.

Upon entering the store, he grabbed a basket and headed to the snack aisle, taking a quick look around. The place was mostly empty, not unusual for the hour. The only other people there were the girl behind the counter, and one customer, a pretty young woman with long blond hair.

She glanced up from the apples she was picking out when he came in and flashed him a smile.

Blair smiled back and started to consider how to get a phone number from her as he made his way to her, picking his way through the store trying to appear nonchalant.

Before he could get to her, however, she finished picking out her fruit and headed for the checkout counter. Blair's disappointment was tempered by the thought that he might see her again. It was a small store, mostly local residents came here.

He went about grabbing the chips and beer for his afternoon of rest and relaxation.

He barely noticed when the other man entered the store. Didn't notice that he went straight to the cashier. Didn't see him pull out the knife.

He did hear the cashier scream, and he dropped his basket and ducked down to avoid being seen, belatedly remembering the gun that Jim had insisted he wear, even when not on duty.

"Shut up! Shut up and give me the money! You too," he shouted at the blond customer. "Give me your purse and your watch."

Blair slowly crept around the aisles to put himself between the man and the door, hoping that everyone would just keep calm and not aggravate the situation. As he maneuvered for position, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911.

As soon as the operator picked up he began to whisper furiously. "This is Detective Blair Sandburg, I'm at L.J.'s Convenience Store at the corner of Prospect and Main. There is a robbery in progress, I need backup."

He tried to be as quiet as possible, but the man heard his whispers and panicked. He grabbed the costumer and put the knife to her throat. "Whoever you are, show yourself! Show yourself, or the pretty lady gets hurt!"

Blair reluctantly pulled his gun as he stepped out from the aisle closest to the door. "Just let her go, man. I'm a cop and their are others on their way. Just let her go, we can work this out." He took a couple of cautious steps toward the man but stopped when he pressed the knife deeper into the woman's throat.

"Yeah, right," the man said with a sneer. "Here's how this is gonna work. You put the gun down and the lady and I go for a little walk. Either that, or someoneís gonna get hurt." To emphasize his point he gave his hostage's arm a twist, hard enough to make her yelp.

Blair sized up the man in front of him. He was about six feet tall, but it was hard to judge his weight, he was thin, though. He wore a long trench coat and a knit cap on his head. Dark hair showed from beneath the cap, and the scraggly beginnings of a beard was on his face. The dark circles beneath his eyes showed that he hadnít slept in a long time. He was probably strung out on something, Blair thought.

"Look, man," he tried to reason, using what Jim referred to as his 'Guide voice', "The other's, they arenít gonna just let you walk out of here. This isn't gonna get you anywhere. Just let the girl go. You havenít done anything yet, let her go."

He hoped that he could calm the man down and get the girl to safely before the other officers showed up, the more people that were involved, the more likely that someone would screw up and someone would get hurt.

"No way, man, no way. It's my way or no way. You got thirty seconds before the lady gets bloody." He was getting frantic. They could all hear the sirens' approach.

"Oh, for crying out loud. Just shoot the damn bastard!" the hostage spoke for the first time.

Blair was surprised by the request, but not as surprised as the robber who froze at her words. Blair knew that he could easily miss. Very easily, he didnít have a lot of practice under his belt yet, and he still didn't feel comfortable with the thing.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now," he said, hoping he sounded convincing, it was the truth after all.

"Yeah, pretty lady, we wouldn't want him to miss me and hit you, now would we," laughed the man with the knife.

"Fine," she said sounding exasperated. "Ever seen 'Speed?' Shoot the hostage. C'mon, man." She had a tinge of anger in her voice that scared Blair, if she made a move, she could end up dead. He captor obviously heard it, too and came up with the same conclusion because he tightened his grip on her arm again and pressed the knife a little closer.

"Shut up, you stupid bitch! Just shut up!" He pulled the knife away from her throat for a second to wave it at Blair. "We are getting out of here, step aside. I said STEP ASIDE! No more talk about shooting people, or she dies." He put the knife back up to her neck and began to push her forward.

//Shit!// Blair thought, //Now what? I can't let him leave. But as long as he has her, there's nothing I can do. I wish Jim was here.//

"I can't let you go," he said, keeping his gun on the pair in front of him.

"So, what are you gonna do? Shoot us both? That'll look really good," the man sneered. "Cop shoots hostage. Front page headline. I can see it now."

"No, I'm not going to shoot her, but I'm not going to let you leave either," he wanted to look at the hostage to apologize, but he dared not look away from the man with the knife.

"I understand," she said, relaxing a little. "It was a dumb idea anyway. I'm sorry I mentioned it." As she relaxed her captor relaxed his grip on her arm, but not on the knife still held tightly to her throat. "On the other hand, you still need a clear shot."

With that she grabbed the hand holding the knife and rammed her elbow back into his side. She then tried to twist his arm to make him drop the knife, but he recovered quickly and lunged forward. Blair saw her stiffen as the knife entered her body a couple of inches above her navel. She stepped back, the knife still in his hand and turned slightly towards Blair.

"You can take your shot now," she said, then collapsed on the floor.

Blair and the robber both stared at her for a moment, neither believing what had just happened. Again the robber recovered first and bolted for the door. Without even thinking, Blair fired. He saw the man fall to the ground, his blood mixing with the puddle forming from the blond woman.

Blair blinked as he realized what he had done, then ran to the woman's side just as the squad cars began to pull up. Several officers ran in with their guns drawn, looking around.

"Call an ambulance!" Blair yelled as he tried to stop the blood welling up from around the knife wound. There was so much blood. "Hang on, hang on. Help is coming," He touched her face willing her to hang on just a little longer.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him. "Hey," she croaked, "did ya get 'im?"

"Yeah, I got him. Just hang on, an ambulance is on its way. You're gonna be okay."

"Natch," she coughed and winced, squirming a little. "I hate bullies," she coughed again, this time a little blood came up. "Crap, that hurts," she muttered.

"Don't talk, save your strength. The paramedics will be here in a minute. Just hang on." //Where are they?// He thought frantically. It felt like forever since the first officers had shown up.

"S'all righ'," she slurred. "Tommy wen' ahead. He's wait'n f'r me. Don' worry," she winced again and gave a little whimper. "Didn' know it'd hurt so much."

Then the paramedics were pulling him off of her, he hadn't even heard them pull up. He tried to fight them, to stay close but then another set of hands were pulling him, holding him back.

"Easy, Chief," a familiar voice said. "Let the paramedics work. Come on, let's go outside. Let them do their thing." Slowly the words made their way into his consciousness.

"Jim?" he asked in a daze. When had he gotten here?

"Yeah, Blair. It's me. Can you tell me what happened here?" Jim turned his partner so that he was looking right into his eyes. "What happened?"

"This guy came in to rob the place. He heard me calling for back up and took the lady hostage. I tried to talk to him, but he just wanted out. She tried to get away so I could get a shot, and he stabbed her. Then I shot him." Blair's eyes suddenly focused on his partner's. "I shot him, man. Did I kill him? Oh, man, what have I done? What have I done?" His knees started to buckle and only the quick reflexes of his partner kept him from hitting the pavement, hard.

"Easy, Chief, easy," Jim said and steered him to one of the waiting squad cars. "Have a seat and collect yourself. It's okay." He sat the younger man sideways in the back seat of the squad car, concern showing on his face.

"No, man. I have to know. Did I kill him?" His pleading blue eyes met the normally hard eyes of the veteran cop, eyes that were softened by the pain he saw in his friend.

"No, Blair. He's not dead. You hit him in the shoulder. They're taking him to the hospital right now." Blair closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"And the woman?" He dreaded the answer but he had to know.

"I don't know. They're taking her to the hospital, too. That's a good sign, right?" Jim didn't want to tell his partner that he had heard her heart stop beating right after he had dragged him away from her.

"Yeah, I guess," he sighed, and looked at his partner. "How'd you get here? I mean, how did you know?"

"I heard the sirens, and the shot. I knew it was you." Jim put a comforting hand on the smaller man's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he responded dully. "I just didn't expect this, you know. Go on a snack run, shoot a man." He shook his head and dropped his head into his hands. "God, what have I done?"

"Listen to me, Blair. Listen to me," Jim paused until Blair was looking him in the eye. "That man was robbing the place. He had a knife and was holding a woman hostage. You did the right thing. It's okay."

He held his partners' gaze for a long moment before Blair looked down.

"Okay," he mumbled. Then he stood, "I guess I should go to the station and fill out the paperwork."

"I'll go with you, Chief."

Blair smiled gratefully up at his partner. "Thanks, man."

When he turned in his paperwork to Captain Banks an hour later, he got the news he had been dreading since being pulled from the store.

The woman was dead.

"I'm sorry, Blair," Simon said. "They say she lost too much blood at the scene, she died en route to the hospital and they couldnít revive her."

Blair just stood there for a moment then, "Thanks, Simon," and walked out of the Captain's office, and back to his desk without looking left or right. He sat at his desk, staring off into space.

Simon stopped Jim as he went to check on his partner. "The kid is not taking this well." The silent 'What are you going to do about it?' read loud and clear in his eyes.

"I know that sir, I'm going to try to get him to talk about it when we get hom e."

"Right, well, I don't want to see either of you in here tomorrow. I'll set up an appointment for him to see the department shrink."

"Sir, don't you think its a bit premature to call in a shrink? He hasn't had time to process yet." Jim dreaded the idea of Blair having to talk to some stranger about something he didn't want to talk about. That's what he was for.

"It's procedure, Jim. You know that. Besides, we both know that this is going to hit him hard. He's gonna need all the help he can get." The tall Captain had grown quite fond of the young man in the years he had been partners with his best cop, first as an observer and now as his official partner. He didnít want to see him destroyed by this.

"Understood, sir," Jim said with a sigh, he knew his Captain was right. "I'd better go catch up with him. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how he's doing."

"Thanks, Jim," Simon said as he left the office. Then shook his head, //Poor kid,// he thought. //Hasn't had his shield a week and now this.// Then he sighed and got back to the piles of paperwork on his desk.

The silence was deafening during the drive back to the loft. Blair sat staring out of the window. Jim spent the ride home trying to come up with the right words to say to his distraught guide to make him feel better.

When they got there, Jim still had no idea what he should say, but before he had a chance to try, Blair announced, "I think I'm going to go straight to bed. Long day, you know?" Jim didn't even have time to comment that it was the middle of the afternoon before the doors closed and locked.

Over the next week, things failed to improve. In fact, they got worse. Whenever anyone tried to congratulate him on the bust, Blair would all but bite their heads off. He was even snapping at Simon. Definitely not the attitude of the normally exuberant ex- anthropology student.

By Friday, Jim had had just about enough. Blair's attitude was bordering on violent. He was punching the keys of his computer like they were the face of the robber. Allen Churning. He had been in and out of jail almost as much as he had been in and out of rehab. The fact that he had a history of violence made Sandburg all the more unpleasant.

"Why do they keep letting him out if they know he's so violent. He hardly spent a year for that battery charge last year, and the old man still walks with a limp. But here he is, back on the streets." He had snapped when heíd found out. "If he'd served his full jail time, this never would have happened."

"The system isn't perfect, Sandburg," was Jim's reply. "There are too many criminals, and not enough jail cells. Sometime one of them slips though the cracks."

"That's great, man. That's just great. Now he's up for murder, how long to you think he'll get this time? Six months?"

"That's not fair, Chief."

"Damn right, it's not fair." He'd stormed off at that point, and that was the end of that conversation.

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