WASHINGTON (PNN) At 12.04 EST, a squadron of Canada Geese evaded U.S. air defences across the Regina/Vermont border. According to early reports, at least seven geese pooped on the White House lawn, then hissed at the Press Corps for biased reporting. The Presidents’ daily voodoo ceremonies were disrupted as Hazmat teams moved in to contain the damage.

President Bush issued a stern warning to Canada: "I have in my possession a voodoo doll of Jean Lafitte, the Leader of Canada. I’ve ordered a box of pins. And America will not hesitate to use it."

Prime Minister Jean Chretien of Canada denied that he was Lafitte "Hey, I got no pirate ship. Paul Martin got them. I mean his son got them.

“That’s kinda creepy” says Attila Buchanan, Chairman of The Couchpotato Warriors of America. "But Thank God we have a President who has the guts to lead us into the Valley of Darkness... a Superbowl of Carnage 24/7! Woohee!”

Operation Thirst For Freedom

Secretary of State Colin Powell, said “Although we are currently engaged on many fronts: Afghanistan, Iraq, North Korea and Hollywood. Our International Quagmire quota has not been reached. Our IQ definitely must be raised.”

At the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced “ The President has authorized the use of force against Canada. Operation Thirst For Freedom is now underway. Our motto is “ Canadian Water for the Canadian People.” Jean Lafitte must be prevented from drinking it all or flushing it down the toilet. “

In a joint press conference from the Caligula Room of The White House, British Prime Minister Tony Blair offered full support to the War against Canada. “ When a monster is out of control, it is best to attach yourself to that monster rather than be in its path. That is what I have done!:” Bush whacked a loaf of french bread over Blair’s head for speaking so candidly.

Muck with the Canucks!

In an address to the nation, broadcast subliminally on more than 40 celebrity noses (including Oprahs’) President Bush declared "Canadians live under a regime of niceness imposed by Jean Lafitte, an outlaw buccaneer and health care tyrant. He rides on his little pirate ship in West Edmonton Mall, terrorizing his people with dwindling public health care. Dwindling yes, but still public. Values which are inconsistent with our way of life."

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• World Despots & Tyrants to U.S. : "We want tenure!" Threaten Walkout Action!

"Jean Lafitte is in the possession of Weapons of Yucky Shoegoo, notably Canada Geese and he has used it against his own people. They have defouled the lawns of freedom loving people around the world. And this must not stand !”

President Bush levitated himself above the Press Corps and proclaimed: “I am your Lord of Vengeance! Evil does as Evil dooby doos!” The Press Corps answered with the chant “Your will be done on earth as it is in Washington! "

Suddenly the President began to wobble and collapsed flat on his face. Secret Service Agents rushed in to pry two embedded reporters off his back. Apparently, the extra weight caused his Peter Pan harness to snap. The reporters were whisked away and charged with Obstruction of a Presidental Levitation. Unfazed by the mishap, President Bush concluded with a dazzling display of self righteous smirks and free potato salad.