EPISODE TEN: Letters I’ve Written Never Meaning To Send ("Nights In White Satin", The Moody Blues.)

"I love you and I always will, and though you’re gone I’ll love you still…" Isaac rhymed aloud, sitting on his top bunk, writing that night, just after dinner. Isaac and Taylor were in their room. Isaac was trying to write a poem to express his feelings for Ashley, but nothing would come out right, everything just sounded so corny and insincere. He needed something powerful.

"What the heck are you doing?" Taylor watched as a piece of wadded up paper was dropped from Isaac’s top bunk.

"Writing."

"Love poems?"

"To Ashley, she’s leaving tonight," Isaac sighed.

"Yeah, Lauren told me."

"Forever, she’ll be gone forever, Tay," Isaac sighed miserably, "How can I spend forever without Ashley?" he questioned, "she’s my life!"

"Ike, you didn’t even date her, never had a relationship with her, how can you say that?"

"Taylor, you’ll understand when you fall in love…"

Taylor snorted, "way you’re acting lately, I don’t think I wanna be," he shrugged.

Isaac began writing again, "Ashley I love your smile, I love your voice, I love the way you make me melt with your words when you sing…" he crumpled the piece of paper up and threw it to the floor, "Argh, this is so hard…I’ve never had a problem expressing my feelings before," he sighed, "she makes me into someone else…." He sighed.

"Ike, you’re not in love, you’re obsessed," Taylor rolled his eyes.

"I do love her, with every breath I take…I wish she’d just give me a chance."

"Ike, she’s moving back to Scotland, she can’t give you a chance."

"She could pretend to be in love with me…and then never see me again," he shrugged. "Damn it, I hate this," he sighed.

Taylor got up, "well, I can’t take this anymore," he muttered, he got up and left the room without anymore words and he headed across the hall to Jessica’s bedroom. Lauren was hanging out in there, Jessica and Avery were staying at a friends so Taylor didn’t have to worry about disturbing them.

He knocked quickly, and Lauren’s reply of "come in" came through the door, he entered, and looked at her. She was stretched out on Jessica’s bed, comfortably flicking through a magazine, already in her flannel pyjamas. Taylor looked at her, "hey, wassup?" he asked.

"Just reading," she shrugged.

"Oh," he walked over and sat on the edge of Avery’s bed – which was four feet away from Jessica’s bed. Taylor looked at Lauren, her hair was in a sloppy ponytail, and she had fluffy tiger feet slippers on, she looked so comfortable, and seemed to belong right there. Taylor smiled for a moment, then sighed to himself. "Ike is depressed. He’s sitting there in our room writing love letters never meaning to send them…"
"Why?"

"Ash told him she was leaving."

"Oh," Lauren sighed. She’d gone over to Ashley’s house earlier to bid her goodbye before she left. Lauren had broke into tears, but now she was out of tears, and felt strangely cold because she’d lost a friend. Her best friend, and writing letters and keeping touch on the internet and phone just wouldn’t be as good as being with her, and spending time with her. Lauren felt so abandoned, her best friend and her co-songwriter – band member had gone. Lauren realised this was the end of her band dreams as well.

Taylor looked at her, "I’m sure she’ll keep in touch…"

"I know she will," Lauren sighed, "But its just…she won’t be here…" Lauren sighed and she put the magazine aside and sat up, pulling her knees to her chest. "Sometimes she feels like all I have," she confessed.

"Well, you have me now…"
"Yeah…" Lauren looked away from him.

"Did you call Jon and tell him it was over yet?"

"Yeah," Lauren looked away, "He called me a whore, and even admitted to it without me asking," she would have cried had she not been out of tears.

"You’re not a whore…" Taylor got up and sat beside her on Jessica’s bed. "You’re so much better than him, too good for anyone…"
"Then why doesn’t anyone want me?" she questioned.

"Because they don’t know a good thing when they see it?" Taylor asked, trying to give her hope. Feeling so vulnerable as she was, Taylor doubted he could ever tell her he was beginning to develop feelings for her. He couldn’t tell her how much he just wanted to hold her right now and tell her it would be okay, run his fingers through her hair and admit how he felt. But he couldn’t, not now, he knew it would be a while before he could ever admit to it.

Lauren turned to look at him, "Why the sad expression?" she questioned, "I’m the one who got hurt, not you."

"I know, I know," he sighed, putting up his hands as if to surrender, "just…I dunno, I feel so empty lately…"

Lauren was even surprised he was telling her that. She supposed their friendship was getting stronger every time he surprised her by telling her something about himself, or admitting his feelings about something.

"What do you mean you feel empty?"

"I don’t know…" he shrugged, he looked at the magazine she’d been reading, "What the hell is this?" he asked.

"It’s a magazine, Tay."

"A teeny-bopper magazine," Taylor made a disgusted face, he opened it and whined, "and it has me in it!!!"

"Hey, Tay," Lauren stated in a sassy way, smiling. "It’s these teeny-bopper magazines which are keeping your music going, you know, you’re making money from this," she held it up, "and if not for these magazines, your popularity would probably die and you wouldn’t sell records and you’d stop touring, stop being famous and you’d be stuck here with little insignificant me," she pointed out.

Taylor rolled his eyes.

Lauren felt the question arising in her throat, if not just out of curiosity for what Isaac had told her about Taylor, then it had to be for her own information. "Taylor, are you…" she trailed off.

"Am I what?" he asked, looking at her.

"Gay?" she asked quietly.

"GAY?!" he nearly outburst, then quietened his voice, "No…who told you?"

"Ike mentioned it," Lauren admitted, "I just…maybe, I dunno, I mean…"

"You don’t believe I am, do you?"

"Well, you gotta admit, it would explain the good fashion sense, the lisp, the never having a girlfriend."

"I do not have a lisp and my good fashion sense is just natural, I’m not gay and so what if I never had a girlfriend, its not like it’s a bad thing you know."
Lauren shrugged, "I know, but I was just wondering.

"I’m not gay," Taylor stated truthfully, "just terminally single…"
"I don’t know how," Lauren admitted.

"What do you mean?" Taylor asked.

"You’re good looking, you’re smart, you’re famous, you have the voice of an angel, I mean, who wouldn’t wanna go out with you? How can you label yourself terminally single?"

"The girls who wanna go out with me are the ones who wanna go out with me for the wrong reasons. I need someone who can see me for who I am?" he asked.

"Oh."

Taylor paused for a moment, "I know when we first met, you didn’t, but…do you see me for who I am now?" he asked casually.

"Well now I do, now that you’ve stopped being so much of an asshole…" she smirked.

"From you, I’ll take that as a compliment," he smiled. "Let’s play scrabble."