Better Than Chocolate

BETTER THAN CHOCOLATE (1999)

D: Anne Wheeler. W: Peggy Thompson. Wendy Crewson, Karyn Dwyer, Christina Cox, Peter Outerbridge, Tony Nappo, Marya Delver, Kevin Mundy. (Trimark)

The DVD version of Better Than Chocolate features audio commentary by director Anne Wheeler. While I haven't heard the commentary, as that would involve sitting through Better Than Chocolate again, I'm perfectly happy making up my own. Here, for your enjoyment, is my review of the latest crummy queersploitation epic, and like most others, it brings up really important issues without the least bit of analysis or, indeed, entertainment value.
For more of this sort of tripe, feel free to watch Get Real or Flawless. Then watch a Bruce LaBruce movie to wash out the bad taste in your mouth with a healthy dose of talented cynicism.
And support your local queer filmmakers--they do that hard political thinking for you!

(The film begins, but the audio is low. Eventually, two louder voices kick in.)
ANNE WHEELER: Hi, I’m Anne Wheeler, the director of Better than Chocolate.
PEGGY THOMPSON: And I’m Peggy Thompson, the writer of Better than Chocolate.
WHEELER: And we’re both real happy to be doing this audio commentary. Aren’t you happy, Peggy?
THOMPSON: Oh, sure.
WHEELER: Yeah, because I think this is a pretty important film. It was for me, anyway. Oh, look, there’s our lead actress.
THOMPSON: She’s a lesbian. Well, the character is.
WHEELER: Yes, but you’ll notice she doesn’t have really short hair.
THOMPSON: We were making a statement about that.
WHEELER: Right, because not all lesbians have really short hair.
THOMPSON: She's got other interests, too. For example, umm..
WHEELER: She's a good enough actress to form a personality on her own. I tried writing in character development for the leads, but that stuff is so hard! Besides, this movie is about issues, not personality.
THOMPSON: Yes, this is an important film. She works in a bookstore, and it’s run by another lesbian.
WHEELER: Who, um, does have really short hair.
THOMPSON: Right, but that’s… um, that’s not important. See, all these different types of people work in the bookstore. There’s the hip, perky bisexual girl, the butch lesbian, the transgendered character, and the main character.
WHEELER: Who is a lesbian.
THOMPSON: Right. See, she’s meeting a girl right now. They’re lesbians.
WHEELER: Now, I got the idea for this coffee shop owner by watching Do The Right Thing.
THOMPSON: He’s Italian.
WHEELER: Yes, and he’s a bit homophobic.
THOMPSON: Yes, but not as homophobic as those skinheads!
WHEELER: Well, I included the skinheads in order to make the point that skinheads were bad.
THOMPSON: And that’s a very important point.
WHEELER: Okay, now she’s meeting her love interest. Oh, wait, they met. They’re making out now.
THOMPSON: Yeah, they kinda go at it pretty quick.
WHEELER: Well, it’s just so I could show a positive portrayal of lesbian sexuality.
THOMPSON: You know, those two didn’t really talk to each other much on the set.
WHEELER: No?
THOMPSON: No. In fact, I don’t think they really liked each other.
WHEELER: Well, you don’t notice that on screen. Much. Well, okay, so you notice it, but look, now they’re painting each other’s bodies. That’s a positive portrayal of lesbian sexuality.
THOMPSON: And hot!
WHEELER: Yeah, almost as hot as Bound.
THOMPSON: You know, that was directed by two straight boys. And starred two straight women.
WHEELER: Oh, right, anyway. Okay, now here comes the censorship sub-plot. Now, I feel that censorship is a very important issue.
THOMPSON: Right, especially for lesbians.
WHEELER: Now, I had them ban “Little Red Riding Hood.” This is based on an actual story I read somewhere.
THOMPSON: Cool!
WHEELER: Okay, and now the lead’s mother is coming to town. The girl is still kind of closeted, and the mother is finding some dildos around the house.
THOMSPON: That’s funny! And so lesbian-centric!
WHEELER: What’s interesting is that I’ve never really had any formal screenwriting experience. This, in fact, is composed of several different scripts from a whole bunch of ideas I had.
THOMPSON: It doesn’t show.
WHEELER: Now the girl’s brother is hooking up with the perky bisexual girl.
THOMPSON: That was an interesting sub-plot.
WHEELER: Yes, it’s interesting when they.. um, we never really filmed much with that sub-plot, did we?
THOMPSON: I guess I forgot!
WHEELER: It happens. That’s okay, we still got the point across.
THOMPSON: Which was?
WHEELER: Oh, something about the acceptance of bisexuals, I guess. I wasn’t really very interested in that story, I just had two extraneous characters to dispose of.
THOMPSON: Okay, here comes the big finale with the skinheads and the lead making a powerful stance against censorship.
WHEELER: It’s really all our important issues rolled into one climax.
THOMSPON: Except that stuff about bisexuals.
WHEELER: Yeah. You see how I even tie in the Italian guy? We can all just get along!
THOMPSON: Even the transsexual! Peter Outerbridge did such a great job.
WHEELER: Yes. He should be in bigger films.
THOMPSON: You know, some reviewers called our movie “preachy” with “one-note characterizations.”
WHEELER: What do they know? We had issues to deal with!
THOMPSON: Important ones!
WHEELER: We made a very important film! The Canadian government financed us!
THOMPSON: Kind of ironic, really, since we dis their censorship laws.
WHEELER: We’re artists! Lesbian artists, at that!
THOMPSON: And we were trying to say something with this picture. Something very important, right?
WHEELER: Right.
THOMPSON: Which was?
WHEELER: Well, um.. that we’re lesbians, I guess.
THOMSPON: And that skinheads are bad. Thanks and good night!