While the late Roger Vadim may have been best known for directing Barbarella and ruining various euro-anthologies (Spirits of the Dead, Seven Deadly Sins, etc.), my favorite of his works is this underrated dark high school comedy.  Sure, Barbarella is fun, and the original And God Created Woman has its moments, but Pretty Maids All in a Row is a little-seen classic.  Oddly enough, it’s written by Gene Roddenbery (between the “Star Trek” series and movies) and features “Trek” star James Doohan, but those expecting bland space adventure had best look elsewhere.

Rock Hudson stars as “Tiger” McDrew, a high school football coach and guidance counselor who happens to be making it with a healthy percentage of the female students.  While not permitted by school regulations anyway, the problem is made worse by McDrew’s wife and daughter, whom are blissfully oblivious to the man of the house’s infidelities.  Things get even more complicated when the girls start turning up dead.  McDrew is an obvious suspect, but an inconceivable one, because he’s a veritable hero of the community and, well, he’s Rock Hudson.

    McDrew takes a liking to young virgin Ponce De Leon (played superbly by John David Carson, the son of “Kit” Carson) who walks around with a constant erection in his pants.  The elder coach tries to convince a substitute teacher (Angie Dickinson) to become his “friend” under the idea that he’s completely impotent, and Dickinson, who, like the rest of the girls in school, has the hots for McDrew, agrees.

    Meanwhile, the bodies continue to stack up, and a pre-Kojak Telly Savalas is on the case.  His first suspect doesn’t pan out, and he’s forced to deal with an incompetent police chief (Keenan Wynn) and a useless principal (Roddy McDowall) who keeps going on about how the victims were terrific little cheerleaders.”

    This could have all been played with either a terribly dark tone or a light, flippant grin, but Vadim and Roddenberry wisely chose to take the middle ground, letting the characters be likable and interesting, yet allowing the naturally bleak plot shine through.  It’s frequently very funny, tossing clever dialogue that would pre-date Heathers’ by twenty years (“We never practice on the day of a murder”) and you can’t help thinking that the ending, where the killer is caught due to the fact that they tape everything, oddly coincides with a similar end of Richard Nixon some three years later.  And if that’s not enough, there’s ample female flesh on display, mostly in the company of Hudson, in an irony typical of his 60’s films.

    It’s a funny, mostly clever work that deserves to be more noted that it is, despite an awful theme song by The Osmonds (nnngh), and it wasn’t released to video until 1995, and then, with little fanfare.  It is a bit of an odd film, while satirical in tone it isn’t really pointing fingers in any clear direction, but it’s still a fascinating little morality play that works because, no matter how much of a lecher Hudson seems to be, you can’t help but like him.  So why no clips of this is Rock Hudson’s Home Movies?