TRANSFORMERS:
THE MOVIE
D: Nelson
Shin. Orson Welles, Peter Cullen, Judd Nelson, Eric Idle, Leonard
Limoy, Robert Stack, Casey Kasem, Scatman Crothers, David Mendenhall, John
Moschitta Jr., Clive Revill, Lionel Stander
IN THE SUMMER OF 1986, I was 11 years old. As a sixth grader,
I probably should have been too old to be playing with Transformers, but
I'd been into them since I bought my first figure at 9. That figure
was Huffer, and in my own extended storyline that connected all of my action
figures (including Go-Bots, Change-a-Bots and all the other dimestore 2/$5
crap I'd managed to accumulate), I'd explained the loss of his lead and
legs as the result of a nuclear blast, and his head was safely kept in
electronic storage for advice.
So despite
the hot summer of film that 1986 was (including Aliens and Howard
the Duck), I was most excited about Transformers: The Movie.
My best friend Gilbert and I saw it opening week (it wasn't around for
much longer than that) with his father, and it blew me away. I left
the theater convinced I'd seen the greatest movie ever made.
I was wrong, of course. I wouldn't see the greatest movie ever
made until eleven years later, when Species II would wow the nation
with its dazzling display of intelligent science fiction and superior storytelling.
At the time, however, T:TM was the shit, a word I remember gasping
when I heard it come from the lips of Spike. An animated character,
a respected one on a daily show no less, had sworn! My brain
was blown.
Not to mention all the plot twists that had already convinced me that
this was no ordinary kid's flick. Not only did they kill off several
Transformers, but they destroyed Optimus Prime, re-formed Megatron with
the voice of Mr. Spock, blew away Starscream, introduced Spike's son and
set the entire next season 20 years in the future! Years later, X-Files:
Fight the Future pulled a similar trick, except that nothing happened
in the movie and the series pretty much went on unchanged.
While it was released on video later that year, and while it still
maintained a mystical allure for Gilbert and I, the FHE release was a different
cut. The PG rating was gone, and Spike's explitive was no longer
audible. Curiously, Ultra Magnus' exclamation "Open, dammit, open!"
was still there. Go figure.
In the years that passed, Transformers: The Movie slowly became
an almost mystical film for a generation of fanboys. FHE stopped
making the tape after the trend had worn thin, and while a cheap, EP-mode
AVID release in the late 80's made it a little more accessable, the film
remained a tough find. The movie began to get better and better in
most nostalgic minds as they hopelessly began to search out a video store
that still had a copy for rent. The SP mode version became a Holy
Grail of video collectors--both valued and rare.
When we got the red clamshell-cased Rhino cassette at work, I was excited.
For the first time in years, I'd no longer have to look at customers sympathetically
when they asked about it and shrug, "No, it's unavailable." When
I was the PG rating on the cover sleeve, I immediately ran to the back
room to process the tape. My childhood had returned.
Tragically, the Rhino release is not the PG-rated theatrical cut, but
the same version that FHE put out in '87. Still, it's great that
it is available again, and the clamshell box looks great. Of course,
the movie itself...
The movie is weird.
I pick on Pokemon: The First Movie because its incestuous continuity
makes it virtually impossible to follow without a degree in Pokemonology,
but Transformers: The Movie is the same way. It's hard to
imagine Orson Welles, Robert Stack or Eric Idle even trying to figure out
what the hell their dialogue was supposed to mean. Hell, I'd be willing
to bet that Peter Cullen (voice of Optimus Prime) even had problems.
The animation is pretty standard, though it is slightly better than
the TV series and the artwork itself is quite good. But what kind
of kid's movie kills off the most beloved character of all--in the first
half-hour? All the lousy 80's metal in the world (and T:TM
does its share in trying to get all of it, believe me) can't disguise the
fact that the movie is a pretty morbid affair, violent, cynical and morose,
the kind that would probably give a littler kid nightmares.
Okay, so the dialogue sucks, the plot is confusing, the characters
are hard to tell apart if you're not involved with the series. Say
what you will, T:TM is still the best movie ever made from a toy-centric
cartoon. After all, I don't see anyone clammoring for a re-release
of Go-Bots: Battle of the Rock Lords.
Links:
Transformers:
The Movie is an amazing page filled with more than you'd ever want
to know.
Rhino - Where
you can buy the video.