|
Paper thin characters, predictable plot, cartoon violence,
and bad acting. OK, so EVERY Arnie movie could be described
like that. Somehow though, they used to be much more fun. Collateral
Damage (the film whose release date was famously delayed to
avoid comparisons with September 11) unfortunately does not
represent a revival in the fortunes of the big Austrian (who's
last two efforts 'End of Days' and 'The 6th Day' have been box
office flops). In fact, you'd be on safe ground in describing
this as the lamest Schwarzenegger movie ever.
Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Gordon Brewer, a chunky Los
Angeles firefighter who has the perfect life with his loving
wife and young son. His life is turned upside down one day when
a Colombian terrorist, 'The Wolf' (played by New Zealander Cliff
Curtis) sets off a bomb that kills nine people, including Brewer's
family. Official efforts to catch the perpertrator get caught
up on diplomatic red tape, so Brewer (who conveniently saw the
Wolf's face at the crime scene) sets off into the Colombian
jungle to seek his revenge (as you do). Along the way he meets
a variety of characters who either help or hinder him in his
quest and the whole thing ends in a 'twist' which although well
intentioned, is easily spotted by anyone who hasn't fallen asleep
during the first hour (which is easier said than done).
Eagle eyed readers will note that this plot sounds kind of
like that of my alltime favourite Arnie movie 'Commando'. So
what makes Collateral Damage so limp compared to his previous
efforts? Lets look at the key elements:
Character motivation: In Commando, Arnold is on a mission to
SAVE his daughter Alyssa Milano who has been kidnapped. Here
his kid is already dead so he is simply on a revenge mission
(which, although macho, seems a little extreme).
Arnie's invincibility: In Commando (and Predator), Arnie is
an elite special forces soldier so it makes sense that he is
able to take on whole armies singlehandedly. In this film, he
is just an average schmo, so credibility is stretched way beyond
belief when he tramps into the heart of guerilla jungle territory
(without even the benefit of camouflage paint).
Terrible scripts: In Commado (and Predator, Conan, and the
Terminator), Arnie has flimsy scripts, but at least he gets
to make some corny and memorable one liners. Here, the script
is just as dumb as ever, but without any great quotes.
Bad Guys: For Arnie's ultra-violence to even begin to be justified,
you have to have a villain who is pure evil with no redeeming
qualities (like Bennett in Commando). For some reason, The Wolf
is given a wife, a son, and a justifiable cause - so we don't
cheer quite as much when he gets his dues.
Cliches: This one has them all, from the 'bad guys who are
terrible shots', to the 'bad guy who you think is dead but really
isn't', and the all time classic 'hero plunges over massive
waterfall to a certain death then after a dramatic pause, clambers
up onto a handily placed rock to recover'.
Quite simply, Collateral Damage should not just have been delayed
after September 11, it should have been permanently destroyed.
If you really want to see Schwarzenegger kicking some ass, go
rent 'Commando' instead.
|