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 The box tells you that the visual wizards behind the Hellraiser series have also done the visuals for "Hellgate", and this should be a selling point since the visuals in the first two Hellraisers are very good. Unfortunately, "Hellgate" instead looks cheesy, cheesy enough to make some parts unintentionally hilarious. While an old man rummages through a cave, a very fake-looking bat harasses him until he whacks it with a shovel. The bat doesn't fall to the ground; instead, it makes a soft landing and dies. When the old man finds a crystal, it shoots a blue laser beam at the dead bat and revives it. The crystal does more than just that. It can make a goldfish mutate into a blue-eyed piranha puppet-thing which outgrows the fish bowl and suddenly explodes (it doesn't just pop, it explodes like a stick of dynamite). If that isn't enough, a Gomez Addams lookalike uses the crystal to resurrect a sea turtle. Not to be outstaged by a goldfish, the turtle makes loud, goose noises; bites "Gomez" in the face, and promptly explodes. Eventually, the Gomez lookalike masters the crystal and uses it to revive his lovely daughter who was abducted and accidentally killed by bikers. After this, the daughter is out to lure motorists to their doom, and "Hellgate" becomes something of an erotic thriller. However, the eroticism is ruined by bad acting, even worse dialogue, and some rather pointless sub-plots. The bottom line: Don't be fooled by the package. "Hellgate" is pretty mediocre, though the exploding goldfish and the turtle might merit a look (and a laugh). |
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QUARTER BY QUARTER ANALYSIS OF MOVIE
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OVERALL RATING
** NOTE: The more dots, the better the movie. A dozen dots is as good as they get, while one or no dots accounts for what can euphemistically be labeled "bottom-of-the-barrel entertainment." ** |
    
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The Worm-Hole Reviews are written by Matt Barnes.