This is an archive of previous quotes of the week. Check them out!
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"You think I'm a loser? Because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every day when I wake up in the morning, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no gas, no upholstery, and six more payments. I fight honking traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I wanted to. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never know the joy of driving through the city without a bag over my head. But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what they wanted to be, is out there, being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I didn't put a gun in my mouth years ago -- that little fact makes me a winner, baby!" ~Al Bundy "Facts are stupid things." --Ronald Reagan "SHARK ATTACK! SHARK ATTACK!! I want a shark attack. My mouth has been watering for the taste of Hulkamania. I can't wait to BITE all the little Hulkamaniacs! I am the biggest man-eater alive, and what are you going to do, Hogan, when the Shark attacks you?!" --The Shark (a.k.a. "Earthquake" from WWF) "Probably the saddest thing you will ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend." -- Jack Handey "Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time." --E.B. White "Freedom's never free."--Warrel Dane from Nevermore "'As for the male and female slaves whom you may have--you may acquire male and female slaves from the pagan nations that are around you. Then too, it is out of the sons of the sojourners who live as aliens among you that you may gain acquisition, and out of their families who are with you, whom they will have produced in your land; they also may become your possession. You may even bequeath them to your sons after you, to receive as a possession; you can use them as permanent slaves. But in respect to your countrymen, the sons of Israel, you shall not rule with severity over one another.'" --Leviticus 25:44-46 A DISCLAIMER: I have very mixed feelings about posting up this quote. While it is definitely thought-provocative, some people might question my motives for selecting a Bible quote which clearly sanctions slavery. Most people, including myself, know that slavery is wrong, but why does the Bible--a widely accepted guide to what is right and wrong--say it's fine as long as the slaves subscribe to a different religion? What's up with that? "Well, hello Mr. Fancypants. Look pal, I got news for you. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Sh!t, and Jack left town." --Ash from "Army of Darkness" "Snoopy poopy..." --Tracy Nelson from "The Night Caller" "Eat a bowl of f*ck! I am here to PARTEEEEEEEEEEE!!" --Stooge from "Night of the Demons" "Betray my beloved sister for a measly quarter? What do you think this is, some kind of depression or something?" --Billy from "Night of the Demons" "Hee Hee!! I am a ghost now. Just doin' [my] job Ma'am. Since you couldn't do yours and let me alone to suffer in the corn field. It was agony. Pure agony of the worst kind. You should have put me out of my misery, you hag. You make me so sick. Well ya used to. You can't anymore since I'M DEAD!!" --Ghost Deer "Talk hard!"--H.H.H. from "Pump Up The Volume" "We got bush." --Booger from "Revenge of the Nerds" |
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Why We Are The Very Definition Of Evil! Everything About Us, Within And Without, Reeks Of Heinous Deeds, Deceit And Treachery!
Even Our House Pets Are Rather Evil." ~Ilwrath from Star Control 2 "Meat tastes like murder, and murder tastes pretty f***ing good." --Denis Leary "You know one thing that will make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works on men.)" --Jack Handey "If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture." -- Jack Handey "Don't steal; the government hates competition." --Lord of Silla "Stupid bug! You go squish now!" --Homer Simpson "Attention! There's an officer on deck!" --Me yelling at the usher during the Angels game (also said by the corporal from "A Few Good Men," by the way) "I'm a star. I'm a big, bright, shining star." --Dirk Diggler from "Boogie Nights" "All good things to those who wait." --Hannibal Lecter from "Silence of the Lambs" "I'm alright. Fortunately the ground broke the fall." --Michael Keaton from "Night Shift" "There wouldn't be world hunger if you people would live where THE FOOD IS!! You live in a f***ing desert! Do you understand that? You live in a f***ing desert!...Nothing grows here! Nothing's going to grow here!" --Sam Kinison to the starving Third World countries, from the "Louder Than Hell" record. "'F*** you' that's my name! You know why, mister? Because you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight. I drove a $80,000 BMW. That's my name." --Alec Baldwin from "Glengarry Glen Ross" "You're a lot of woman, you know that? Hey, you want to make $14 the hard way?" --Rodney Dangerfield from "Caddyshack" "No, you may not have a doughnut! You will never have a doughnut again ever! You will never have another doughnut! Lover can have as many doughnuts as he wants. He can have a dozen doughnuts. He can have two dozen doughnuts. He can strap a fag-bag full of doughnuts around his waist when he goes to work. He can have giant doughnut strapped on top of the squad car, but you will never have another doughnut. You can't even say the word "doughnut," understand? The word "doughnut" is no longer in your vocabulary. If you meet a guy named Don, you must call him by his last name from now on. That's the way it works. No bagels, no life savers, nothing round with a hole in it. Nothing!" -- Sgt./President/King Cooper from "Who's the Man?" "My son's a homosexual, and I love him...I love my dead gay son!"--Kurt's father from "Heathers" "Your fly is open, and your Hostess Twinkie is hanging out." --Chaz from "April Fool's Day" "[Be] careful with Viagra---that kid from the Life cereal commercial blew up his schlong with that stuff! Or was it the guy from Three Dog Night? Ah, who cares...LOL" --MadVendor |
