PHANTASM II

202. Reggie gets his rifle and goes through the kitchen. He opens a cupboard and wrestles a-----------------0
dwarf! Dwarf does a flying splash on Reg and goes for the early pin. Reg gets out of it and
applies a bear hug on the dwarf. Reg bodyslams the dwarf on the kitchen tables and shoves
him off to the floor. Reg gets his gun. What's he going to do with it? Oh no, he pounds the dwarf
with it! Too bad this isn't an official match.

203. More dwarves run in and surround Reg. Reg snuffs the pilot lights and turns on the gas.-----------------0

204. Reg escapes through the laundry chute and grabs a bat. He swings and gets a homerun cut on----------1
the dwarf dragging Mike down the hall! Reg takes Mike and rounds first base. The dwarves are
really going to have to hustle if they're going to get him! Reg goes for second, then
third! He's not stopping! He jumps through the second-story window with Mike and he's...
OUT (of the house)!!

205. The Tall Man calmly turns around as the house explodes!-----------------------------------------------0

206. Liz reads more of the diary and has a vision of Gramps getting his lips sown together.-------------------0

207. Mike talks his way out of the nuthouse. Ha! Ha! Suckers!----------------------------------------------0

208. Mike unearths a few graves, including Grant's tomb. Reg doesn't approve of this and takes-------------0
Mike home.

209. In the 'Cuda, Reg tells Mike about the family baking a turkey. Mike forsees Reggie's-------------------0
house blowing up. House explodes! I hope they like that turkey well-done...

210. Mike and Reggie at the funeral.-------------------------------------------------------------------------0

211. Mike and Reg hit the road looking for the Tall Man. They break into a hardware store.------------------1
Oh no, it's "Tool Time." One shotgun isn't enough. We need...MORE POWER! So we'll fuse TWO
shotguns together! Ar,ar,ar!

212. Mike and Reg drive through a ransacked ghost town and visit a pillaged graveyard. They break----------0
in the mausoleum by cutting through the door with a chainsaw.

213. Mike goes into the embalming room and finds a NAKED girl, who may or may not actually be there.-----0
Reg calls Mike from downstairs.

214. Mike joins Reg downstairs and sees "Liz." I-can't-believe-it's-not-Liz suddenly has back problems-------0
and a monster breaks out of her skin! It gives them directions, but Reg freaks out and fries
the good samaritan! Ingrate.

215. Liz and Granny chat in the back of the hearse. Pallbearers carry the coffin inside the chapel.--------------0
Liz and her sister Jeri help carry Grandma into the chapel too.

216. Fr. Meyers deliever the eulogy. Liz and Jeri converse. Jeri leaves and Liz follows her into the--------------0
mausoleum. Jeri disappears, but Liz sees a dwarf and cuts her hand with her fingernails.

217. Mike and Reg wake up in a motel. Reggie suspects that Mike had a wet dream.---------------------------0

218. Granny mourns. Fr. Meyers drinks some alcohol. He ssshpeaksssh to God and sssshtabssshh Grandpa-----0
in the chessssht. Granny falls down (at least it isn't in the bathtub).

219. Liz explores the mausoleum and tries to sample the embalming fluid. Tall Man scares her away,-------------0
slurps a little embalming fluid and smirks. YUK!!

220. Fr. Meyers has some more alcohol and hears some scary noises. Poor me, POUR me another...------------0
Fr. Meyers opens the door window and sees Gramps! AAAHHHHH!

221. Liz kisses her grandmother goodnight. Granny hears noises and suddenly finds Gramps lying----------------1
in bed beside her! Gramps gives her the eye! I wonder what he wants. >:)

222. Reg and Mike on the road. Mike dreams about Alchemy, only to wake up finding her in the---------------0
back seat. Mike says he's got to pee. Yeah right...

223. Mike and Reg urinate in the bushes and talk about Alchemy. Reg says, "It gets hard on the road."-----------0
Huh huh huh. He said "hard on." They head for Perigord (France?)

224. Liz looks for Granny only to find out that she takes a lot of medication. Oh yeah, Grandma-----------------0
was kidnapped too.

225. Perigord is in shambles. Alchemy offers Mike and Reg to stay at her uncle's place.-------------------------1
Reggie gets horny.

226. Liz is in the graveyard. Uh oh, looks like the necrophiliacs had their way with "Alex Murphy."--------------0

227. Alchemy, Reg and Mike try to get inside a house. Fortunately, Reggie has the key to----------------------0
the city--a chainsaw! Meanwhile, Liz desparately looks for a way in the mausoleum
(the front door was open).

228. Reg and Mike boobytrap the house and leave to find Liz.-------------------------------------------------0

229. Liz watches an undertaker embalm a corpse!-------------------------------------------------------------0

230. Mike and Reg arrive at the graveyard and watch a gravedigger unearth a coffin.---------------------------0

231. Liz follows a gravedigger carting a coffin. Boy, that cameraman must have been staring at-----------------0
Liz's ass. Fr. Meyers approaches an altar with a black box. He opens the box and touches a sphere
inside of it. Tall Man shows up and telekinetically hangs Fr. Meyers with a cross necklace!
Tall Man then lets him go. Spheres emerge from the box!

232. Liz explores the mausoleum some more. Fr. Meyers grabs her and reveals the Tall Man's evil plans.-------1
Uh oh, Silver Sphere #1 shows up. Silver Sphere #1 vs. Fr. Meyers. The silver sphere cuts off
its opponent's ear. (Is Iron Mike Tyson the sphere by any chance?) Silver sphere sweeps
around to headbutt Meyers and draw his blood to finish him off! It's been all silver
sphere in this match. Your winner: Silver Sphere #1!

233. Liz sidesteps the fallen priest and walks right into the Tall Man! Tall Man vs. Liz. Tall Man----------------1
gropes Liz and launches her straight into a wall. Liz is in serious trouble. What is this?! The
Tall Man is LEAVING?! Your winner: Liz, by countout!

234. Oh no. Grandma has become a "heel" (bad guy) and attacks Liz. Granny ear-drags Liz. Liz gets----------0
away and smashes an urn on her turncoat grandmother, knocking her out cold! Oh well, Granny
got what she earned (ugh).

235. Liz finds Mike in the graveyard, and they smooch until Reggie shows up. They go back to---------------0
Alchemy's uncle's house.

236. Mike blowtorches the fireplace. Yessh! Where's Fire Marshall Bill when you need him? Liz-------------0
discusses the things that she has seen. Mike and Liz go to bed, so do Reg and Alchemy. :)

237. In bed, Liz gives Mike some cloyingly sweet telepathy. "Stick me, Mikey!"------------------------------0
(Just kidding about the last part).

238. Reg and Alchemy kiss in another bedroom. Alchemy says that she loves Reggie's head------------------0
(which one is that?) Alchemy rides Reggie's loins like a jockey! Looks like she plans to ride
him for at least 8 furlongs. Something explodes in another room, and they stop having sex. Gee, and
I thought sex BEGINS once the fireworks go off!

239. Reg puts on his pants and joins Mike to check out the explosion.----------------------------------------0

240. Liz looks out the windows, and the Tall Man grabs her through one of them! He throws her in the-------0
hearse and drives away.

241. Mike and Reg follow the hearse for, yup, a car chase between a hearse and a 'Cuda. Naturally,---------0
the 'Cuda has no trouble catching up. Unfortunately, the hearse sideswipes it into a boulder
and wrecks it!

242. Mike helps Reg get out of the overturned 'Cuda before the gasoline leak causes it to explode.------------0

243. Undertaker carts Liz into the crematorium. Meanwhile, Mike & Reg head for the mausoleum.------------0
Undertaker turns on the crematory oven.

244. Reg drills the door to break an entry inside the mausoleum. Mike & Reg check out the-------------------0
embalming room. Meanwhile, Undertaker hammers some bone fragments and sieves the ashes.
Mike listens to the wall while Reggie finds some acid and pours it into the embalming fluid! Mike
and Reg look at an exotic keyhole. They leave the room and split up.

245. Liz vs. the Undertaker. 'Taker tries to put Liz inside the oven. Liz rolls away. 'Taker---------------------0
grabs Liz by the ears (what is it with the ears?) and shakes her violently. Liz grabs a shovel
and whacks him in the pisser and then the kisser! Liz sends 'Taker into the oven and watches him
burn. Your winner: Liz.

246. Reggie goes downstairs. A gravedigger is silently watching him descend the stairway.--------------------0

247. Liz is in the hall. Silver Sphere #2 attacks her, but Mike makes the save. Another------------------------0
undertaker shows up and knocks down Mike and tries to chop Liz with an axe. As they struggle,
the Silver Sphere flies at the undertaker and embeds itself in his hand. Uh oh. Here
comes the Gold Sphere. Undertaker hacks off his hand to free himself. Mike and Liz make
a break for it. Gold Sphere makes a left turn. Mike and Liz slam the door in front of
the Gold Sphere!

248. Reg vs. Gravedigger. 'Digger strangles Reg. Reg reaches for the drill in his tool belt and------------------0
drills into 'Digger's arm pit! Reg fetches his chainsaw, and 'Digger responds by getting an even
bigger chainsaw!

249. Gold Sphere breaks through the door and scans the room for Mike and Liz. Gold Sphere zaps a--------0
rat! Mike & Liz run like hell into the coffin room.

250. Liz vs. Undertaker II. 'Taker grabs Liz and tries to hack her with an axe. Gold Sphere-------------------1
makes its entrance. What's it going to do? Oh my! It sends 'Taker into the wall and bores
its way through his back! Wow, it lifts up the Undertaker from the inside! What tremendous power!
Needless to say, it kills him. Could it be? Does the Gold Sphere have a heart of gold? Whether it
has a heart or not, it's stuck in the 'Taker's mouth! Your winner: Liz. Wow, 3-0 tonight!

251. Reg and 'Digger continue to fight in their chainsaw death match. Reg drops his chainsaw-----------------0
and dodges 'Digger. Reggie tries to run, but 'Digger grabs his ankle and smacks him upside the
head. Reg grabs his chainsaw on the floor and does his rendition of the "Running Man," by neutering
'Digger with the chainsaw! Your winner: Reggie! Oh uh. The dwarves run in, but Reggie
fends them off with his 4-barrel shotgun.

252. Alchemy gets stranded. Meanwhile, Mike frees the severed hand, "Thing," from the door.---------------0

253. Alchemy hotwires the hearse.--------------------------------------------------------------------------0

254. Mike uses the captured sphere to open the door to the portal room. Reg looks inside a barrel-----------0
and sees a dwarf.

255. Tall Man bitchslaps Reg before he can torch the place. Tall Man grabs Mike and Liz.-------------------0
Tall Man throws Mike into the portal. Reggie crawls toward the portal to save Mike, but both of them
get sucked in. Tall Man plants Liz on the table.

256. View of the dwarf dimension! As Reg pulls Mike to the exit, a dwarf gets out of the barrel and----------0
creeps toward Mike & Reggie.

257. Tall Man goes through his tools. Meanwhile, Mike gets back through the portal and pulls Reggie--------0
back with him before the dwarf can get him.

258. Before the Tall Man can embalm Liz, Mike sends the captured sphere at the Tall Man. Sphere drains---0
the embalming fluid out of the Tall Man's head, but Tall Man retaliates by crushing it like aluminum
foil. Tall Man grabs Mike again and tries to skewer him with the claw sprouting out of his wound!

259. Liz stabs the Tall Man with the embalming needle while Reggie turns the machine on, filling the----------1
Tall Man with acid-contaminated fluid! Tall Man melts and his eyeballs explode!

260. Reggie sets the place on fire as they escape.------------------------------------------------------------0

261. Mike, Reg, Liz and Alchemy celebrate in the hearse until Alchemy pulls out a chunk of her hair and-----0
throws Reg out of the car. Mike and Liz try to assure each other that it's only a dream, but the
Tall Man says "No! It's not!" Dwarves pull Mike and Liz out of the hearse. A lot of great matches.
Phantasm II was a good show. THE END.

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