Quotes: RAW is WAR
January 17, 2000
Live from the New Haven Coliseum, New Haven, CT - sold out
Brief tribute to MLK Jr. and a promise of updates on the ailing Steve Austin's condition. Recap of last week's Cactus Jack/Triple H antics. Cactus Jack chats in-ring for a while; Triple H comes out, D-X comes out, they fight; the Acolytes, the Rock, the Big Show also involved. WWF Hardcore Championship: the Big Boss Man (C) vs. Test (w/ Tazz promo); Prince Albert runs in. Triple H makes D-X a few matches backstage. The Godfather/D'Lo Brown (w/ hos) vs. Edge/Christian; some conflict arises between the Suicide Blondes. The Big Boss Man beats up Prince Albert and throws him into Tori's locker room. Kurt Angle vs. Steve Blackman; the Bulldog interferes. Big Show interview backstage. In-ring interview, conducted by Lawler, dealing with the Miss Royal Rumble competition; all the participants are there. Triple H/X-Pac (w/ Stephanie on color) vs. the Acolytes; New Age Outlaws interfere. Report on Steve Austin from Michael Cole. Rock interview backstage. Jeff Hardy (w/ Matt Hardy and Terri) vs. Buh Buh Ray Dudley (w/ D-Von Dudley); painful wipeout ending on the Hardys. WWF Intercontinental Championship: Rikishi Phatu (w/ Too Cool) vs. Chris Jericho (C); Chyna (C), Miss Kitty Kat (C), Hardcore Holly, Crash Holly, Too Cool interfere; dancin' follows. Kane (w/ Tori) vs. Prince Albert. Cactus Jack talks with the Rock and Big Show backstage. New Age Outlaws vs. the Rock/Big Show.
"Today, here in the United States, we celebrate the life of an extraordinary man who had a dream... a dream of unity, a dream of peace. Long live the dream."
-- Vince McMahon narrating a brief tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr. at the show's opening
"What will the body count be tonight on RAW, as we count down to this Sunday's Royal Rumble on pay-per-view? Hello again, everybody; I'm Jim Ross, alongside Jerry "the King" Lawler! We are at ringside in the sold-out New Haven Coliseum, and we are ready for another wild ride, live here tonight on RAW!"
-- J.R. kicking us off
"Big Show Has a Small Jabroni"
-- sign in the crowd
"Cactus Jack is God"
-- sign in the crowd
"*I* Am God"
-- sign in the crowd
"Bang bang! Ack!"
-- Lawler as Cactus Jack comes out to the stage
"First off, I believe congratulations are in order for Triple H, because he did something I believed could not be done. You see, he made Mankind mad. And the question is, Triple H, why? He was friendly... he was funny... he was downright huggable, but you should have known, somewhere deep down in his twisted soul, there was a sick S.O.B. waiting to be woken up!"
-- Cactus Jack
"When you cracked me over the head with that ring bell, remember it well; remember it well! And when I felt that warm blood trickle down my face, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it JUST a little bit!"
-- Cactus Jack
"Mick Foley, Cactus Jack, Mankind-- they took a hell of a beating for a hell of a long time, and there is no way that a normal man should still be walking around after the punishment that's been dished out, and therein lies the secret, because I sure as hell am not a normal man!"
"Well, you can say THAT again."
-- Cactus Jack and Lawler
"I don't regret a single night in the ten dollar motels. I do not regret a single freezing night in the back of a '78 Ford Fairmont. I do not regret my wounds sticking to the sheets. I do not regret the ear that was cut off from my head and thrown out in the garbage can. Because it's all those things, Triple H, that made me what I am, and what I am is one bad son of a BITCH!"
-- Cactus Jack
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
-- crowd chant to the annoyed Triple H
"Wait a minute; they're not calling him the Game..."
-- Lawler on the crowd chant
"As sadistic as you can be at the Rumble, I will reach down to a place that I have never been in my life, and be THAT much more sadistic, be THAT much more twisted, be THAT MUCH MORE EVIL than you could EVER imagine you could be in your life!... The difference between you and me is, when I get to that level-- when I get that sadistic, when I get that sick, when I get that twisted, I will love every damn SECOND of it!"
-- Triple H
"I'll tell ya what-- let's invite a few more guests to the party!"
"What? Oh, we're gonna have a party!"
"Oh, this is no party!"
-- Triple H, Lawler, and J.R. as Triple H calls out the rest of D-X
"D-X! Run away, run away!"
-- Lawler as a clusterfrick develops in-ring
"Look at the Rock! He STILL doesn't know what happened!"
-- Lawler as the Rock goes staggering up the ramp
"Rock My World"
-- sign in the crowd
"The world is about to change! Survive... who can stop the path of rage?"
-- Tazz's promo (I think the end is right... although it might be "you can't stop" instead of "who can stop". Listen to it and let me know what you think)
"The Boss Man using that weapon to snap the light out... I guess he doesn't want to be held accountable for what he's going to do to Test!"
-- J.R. as the Boss Man breaks the light out in a hallway
"Somebody's sitting on the throne in there!"
-- Lawler as the hardcore fight spills into some public restrooms
"It was two, Boss Man; two!"
-- referee Mike Chioda, skipping backwards away from a mad Boss Man after a kickout
"Test just drove that nightstick deep into the heart of the Boss Man... and we've got a new hardcore champion!"
-- J.R. as Test uses the nightstick to assist a flying elbow
"Hey, wait a minute! C'mon, man; the Acolytes AGAIN?!"
"X-Pac! Hey!"
"Why don't you just throw Big Show in there too?"
"X-Pac!"
"WHAT?!"
-- X-Pac getting annoyed with Stephanie backstage
"Hey, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, punk! What happened tonight was, Prince Albert stuck his nose in my business. And nobody, BUT nobody, does that! So I'm telling you one thing-- I vow to get revenge on Albert tonight!"
-- the Big Boss Man backstage, giving little respect to Coachman
"I gotta agree with X-Pac... why does HE always put up against the Acolytes?"
-- Lawler
(Edge and Christian come sliding into the ring)
J.R.: "Edge and Christian, the young brothers from Toronto, to take on the Godfather and D'Lo Brown. Of course, we found out last week that Edge is engaged to Val Venis's sister, Alanna!"
(Edge leaps up on the ropes and flicks his tongue, snake-style, at the crowd)
LAWLER (observing): "I think I see why!"
"You can hear the screams of the female patrons here when Edge got the tag..."
-- J.R. commenting on the sudden audience squeals
"There's no greater fan of the Godfather's ladies than me... and I've got the bill to prove it!"
-- Lawler
"And one of the Godfather's ladies up on the apron..."
"Hey!"
"...concerned about the Godfather--"
"Look out!"
"Oh, that young lady just got nailed, inadvertently..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as a ho on the apron gets knocked to the floor accidentally by Christian
"Great dropkick by Christian, and-- Edge around to check on the fallen lady..."
-- J.R. as Christian goes for a tag but finds his partner gone
"D'Lo Brown just pinned Christian; Edge was outside checking on the ladies!"
-- J.R.; why is EDGE looking pissed when it was his fault?
"I know what to do! You call an ambulance; I'll loosen her clothing!"
-- Lawler on the fallen ho
"Hey, turn that music off! To show that me and D'Lite here ain't no playa haters, and I'm in a chronically good mood... man, y'all still get the hos, all night, to do WHATEVER you want, ALL NIGHT LONG!"
-- the Godfather as one of the hos reaches over and pinched Edge's ass
"Hey, Edge is engaged! I don't think he's eligible anymore!"
"He's engaged for the night, all right!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the hos whisk a protesting Edge away, leaving a pissed-off Christian in the ring
"How dare you! Get outta here!"
-- Tori after the Big Boss Man throws Prince Albert into her locker room
"Kurt Angle is a Commie"
-- sign in the crowd
"Now... I have been told that tonight, tonight I have a mystery opponent. Now, I'm not sure who it is, but I am confident-- as an Olympic hero-- that I will come out on top, because I know each and every wrestler backstage like the back of my hand. So I know, that with my three "I"s-- that's right, intensity, integrity, and intelligence-- I will come out on top."
-- Kurt Angle
"Oh, THAT's the surprise, huh? You dirty S.O.--"
"Hey, easy, easy with that McMahon temper of yours!"
-- an annoyed Stephanie backstage, with Triple H
"Angle sucks! Angle sucks! Angle sucks!"
"Hey, wait a minute-- Angle does not suck! What is wrong with these people?"
-- chant from the crowd, plus a comment from Lawler
"What the hell is going on?"
-- J.R. as the Bulldog interferes
"I hope the fans understand that what I did to Rocky was personal. I've worked very, very hard to have a good rapport with the fans. I hope I've earned their respect because I, most definitely, respect them, and I hope they understand that this thing between me and the Rock is purely personal."
-- the Big Show (it's too late-- attacking the Rock made him a heel period)
"Whoa; hel-LO..."
"Oh baby... OH baby... OH BABY!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as cameras capture Miss Kitty Kat lotioning up backstage
"Jerry, I'm happy to say that whatever makes every fan sitting in this arena and every fan sitting at home happy; what I say is, less is more!"
-- Terri on the Miss Royal Rumble swimsuit competition; to a nice pop
"Kat, I just want to know about your strategy for the swimsuit competition!"
"Strategy? What sort of strategy do I need, King? Have you forgotten Armageddon?"
-- Lawler and Miss Kitty Kat
"I'm quite sure the fans are ready to see a much BIGGER show..."
-- B.B., to a nice pop
"Jerry, YOU are a pervert!"
"Yeah? And your point is?"
-- Ivory and Lawler
"You're ALL perverts! You're all just a bunch of perverts!"
-- Ivory to the crowd, who pops big in response
"King, you better look out! The ladies are getting a little bit rambunctious here!"
-- J.R. as a catfight breaks out
"Wait, wait! Let them work this out on their own; they're doing fine!"
-- Lawler trying to turn away the officials, who arrive to break up the fight
"Buyer beware as it relates to this matchup..."
-- J.R., putting forth a nudity warning as far as the PPV is concerned
"I think, somehow, I've lost control here..."
-- Lawler
"It's about time that everybody can see what... gets their money's worth! And now, to my fans... to my fans, I'm going to let you see MY puppies!"
-- Mae Young getting naked in front of a screaming Lawler; Mark Henry and company rush out to cover her up
"No! Those are basset hounds!"
-- Lawler on Mae Young's puppies
"Woo, I heard *that* slap!"
-- Stephanie trying to be cool on color
"It doesn't matter how you get it done, J.R.; the point is, getting it DONE."
-- Stephanie as the Outlaws interfere
"After an emotional, stress-filled couple of months for all of us here in the World Wrestling Federation, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and his many fans, Austin underwent successful surgery today at Methodist Hospital in San Antonio to relieve chronic pain in his neck, his arms, and his legs. The procedure was performed by Dr. Lloyd Youngblood, who says everything went about as well as could be expected."
-- Michael Cole
"Good afternoon. Stone Cold Steve Austin had his surgery this morning; I'm happy to report to you that everything went very smoothly. He's, as you well know, a very healthy young man; he's well-muscled and has very solid bone. The basic problem that Steve had was some bone spurs in his neck that were pressing on the spinal cord, and these were causing him some problems, both in terms of pain and, beginning to have some early signs of some neurologic problems. It took a little bit longer to do the operation on Steve than it does on most people; he's built a little more strongly and solidly than most patients we operate on. Instead of an hour, an hour and a half, it took two and a half to three hours for the surgery, but he was very stable throughout and we were able to accomplish the goals and objectives that we had set out to obtain."
-- Dr. Youngblood, Austin's surgeon, during a press conference
"THAT is laying them out! And I'll tell you what, as far as Steve Austin goes, I'm glad his surgery went well, but if he sets foot back in the WWF, he's gonna suffer the same fate the Acolytes just did!"
-- Triple H to the rest of D-X backstage
(Backstage, Kevin Kelly [w/ funky hairdo] has caught up to the Rock for an interview)
KEVIN KELLY: "Six days before the Royal Rumble match, live this Sunday on pay-per-view; tonight, a little later on here on RAW, it's going to be the Outlaws against you, Rock, and the Big Show in a ta--"
(Rock's hand goes up, silencing Kelly)
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
THE ROCK: "Finally, the Rock, HAS COME BACK to New Haven..."
(big pop)
THE ROCK: "But before the Rock talks about that; before the Rock talks about anything else, the Brahma Bull has got to talk about... the Rattlesnake."
(big pop)
THE ROCK: "Stone Cold Steve Austin, you and the Rock; we've been through it all! And it the Rock was there with you in Texas right now, he'd pick up a beer can, give you a toast, and give you an "Oh, hell yeah" and congratulations on a very successful neck surgery."
(big pop as cameras focus on a rattlesnake foam figure in the crowd)
J.R. (watching from ringside): "A lot of respect there."
THE ROCK: "Which essentially, Stone Cold, means three things... is number one, you can go hunting again. Number two is you can go fishing again, and number three, you can bring your ass right back where it belongs, in the WWF!"
(big pop)
J.R.: "Amen on that!"
KELLY: "Rock, despite the good news on Stone Cold Steve Austin, the issue with the Big Show prevails. I'm wondering if, at this time, maybe you wanted to retract your statement--" (the Rock spins on Kelly and stares at him) "--where you called the Big Show a jabroni."
LAWLER: "Uh-oh."
THE ROCK (subdued): "Yes... the Rock DOES want to retract his statement. The Big Show is not a jabroni."
(the crowd rumbles, mystified)
LAWLER (also watching from ringside): "Wow."
KELLY: "Well, I know that--"
THE ROCK: "But what the Big Show IS, is a seven-foot, five-hundred-pound, steaming, stinking, steaming stinking pile of grade-A monkey crap!"
(big pop)
J.R.: "Wow..."
LAWLER: "What?!"
J.R.: "And they're going to be partners tonight!"
LAWLER: "That's worse than a jabroni!"
THE ROCK: "And the Rock says this, Big Show-- did the Rock call you a jabroni? Your damn right he did; he called twenty others a jabroni as well! Shut your mouth and look at the Rock; READ the Rock's lips, jabroni, J-A-B-R-O-N-I-X-Y-Z-N-B-C-- oh, it doesn't MATTER how you spell jabroni!"
(big pop)
LAWLER: "I never knew how to spell jabroni!"
THE ROCK: "The Rock says this-- Big Show, come Royal Rumble, the Rock's Rumble, the Rock guaran-damn-tees to take his hand and one... by one.... by damn one, over the top rope, the Rock guaran-damn-teeing winning the Royal Rumble, the Rock, going to WrestleMania, and walking out of WrestleMania the People's champion." (pop) "And, on top of that, the Rock, walking out of WrestleMania without a shadow of a doubt THE BEST DAMN WWF champion there ever was!"
(pop)
THE ROCK: "But first things first. Big Show, tonight. Once again, the Rock, making your monkey-ass famous; once again, you teaming up with the Rock; once again, you the Rock's tag team partner. Make no mistake about it, the Rock does not need you as a tag team partner; the Rock does not WANT you as a tag team partner. But the Rock says this-- you run your mouth about how it's personal between you and the Great One. Well, the Rock says, if you want to do something personal for the Rock, the Rock wants you to do something special. He wants you to stand out on that apron..." (pop) "...and the Rock wants you to do the one impressive thing that you do!"
(The Rock pantomimes a chokeslam motion, complete with sound effects, to a big pop)
LAWLER: "Oh, no..."
THE ROCK: "Jabroni... if ya SMEEEEEEELALALALAAALALAOW! What the Rock..."
(The Rock looks up, grabs the mic, and shoves Kevin Kelly out of the frame)
THE ROCK (flashing the People's eyebrow to another big pop): "...is cookin'."
"Pay your bills with attitude!"
-- Lawler plugging checks with the WWF superstars on them
"Here comes Buh Buh Ray Dudley, sprinting to the ring..."
-- J.R. (I didn't know Buh Buh could sprint!)
"The Hardys are the epitome of extreme athleticism!"
-- Lawler
"Did he just take his shirt off?"
"I think she did."
"Do you think Terri will follow suit?"
-- Lawler and J.R. on Jeff Hardy
"Uh oh... he's gonna do something CRAZY!"
-- Lawler as Jeff Hardy goes to the top rope for a moonsault
"ECW! ECW! ECW!"
-- crowd chant after the Dudleys deliver death drops to both of the Hardy Boyz
"They're bringing CHAIRS into the ring!"
"I think that's a table."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Oh my God, no, you're kidding me!"
"No, don't do that-- DON'T DO THAT! My God! Three hundred and twenty-five pound Buh Buh Ray Dudley just--"
"Terri, there went your tag team!"
"He just superbombed Matt Hardy right through Matt's brother Jeff and that table!"
-- Lawler and J.R., in what must be the setup for the tag team table match between these four at the Rumble
"That's it for the Hardys! Nice knowing ya!"
-- Lawler as Buh Buh Ray looks around with a sadistic expression-- return to ECW roots, perhaps?
"I can figure out why Hardcore Holly and Chyna are upset! Look at this guy; look at Rikishi! He could completely squash Jericho, and take the Intercontinental title, and then Chyna and Hardcore are out of luck!"
-- Lawler as Rikishi Phatu hits the ring
"You heard what Chyna said-- Chris Jericho's got an ego the size of Rikishi's butt! It's that big!"
"That's an immense ego."
-- Lawler and J.R. as Jericho comes out to the stage
"Welcome to RAW is Jericho! And for you two Intercontinental wanna-bes backstage who are wondering why I would come to defend this championship tonight, well, the reason is you IDIOTS, that's what honorable and legendary champions do... and in my eyes, and in the eyes of all the Jerichoholics, *I* am the undisputed Intercontinental champion. And as for you, Raka-sichi Phatu, what you don't know is that *I* am a dancing machine, and I'll be happy to teach you a couple of my patented moves, like the Great Caesar's Ghost, or the Electric Banana, but for now I'm gonna have to destroy you, Ayatollah style!"
-- Chris Jericho (check out his mic-- it reads "RAW is Jericho" instead of "RAW is WAR")
"His rear end kinda looks like the moon from about three miles out..."
-- Lawler on Rikishi's butt
"Mideon = Ratings"
-- sign in the crowd
"Ra-kishi! Ra-kishi! Ra-kishi!"
-- crowd chant
"Bustin' a move's okay; I just hope he doesn't play the trouser trumpet! We'd all be knocked out!"
-- Lawler as Too Cool and Rikishi Phatu get ready to dance
"Well, I'm not president of the Prince Albert fan club, but quite frankly, he got set up."
-- J.R. after Kane squishes Prince Albert
"Kane... Kane! Obviously, you like to be dominated by a woman. And so do I."
"What?"
"...the hell'd he mean by that?"
-- Prince Al, Lawler, and J.R.
"New Haven..." (big pop) "...your money is what you've been saving, and the Outlaws are what you've been craving..." (some female shrieks; if you listen hard you can hear me screaming too, even though I was down in Kentucky at the time watching on TV) "...so on that, I say, welcome to the dogghouse!" (barks from the crowd) "Where you know, those New Age Outlaws always like-- oh, well, you know, like dogs do it. Let's see if we can't make a little noise up in this BEE-ATCH!"
-- Road Dogg
"Wait a minute, guys... you're on the same team!"
-- Lawler as the Rock and the Big Show attack each other instead of the Outlaws
"Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
-- crowd chant as Road Dogg and the Rock go at it
"Big Show sucks! Big Show sucks! Big Show sucks!"
-- big chant from the crowd (hear that, WWF? He's a heel)
"Who do you think's enjoying this more? Triple H, Stephanie, X-Pac... or the Big Show?"
-- Lawler as the Rock continues struggling against both Outlaws, while Big Show remains outside
"KISS MY ASS!"
-- Big Show responding to the crowd
"Hey, look! Was that a tag? He tagged him in the head!"
-- Lawler as Big Show punches the Rock
"Your own partner! Rock, what have you DONE?!"
-- Lawler after the Rock cracks Big Show with a chair, sacrificing the match to get his revenge
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