Quotes: SmackDown!
January 20, 2000
Taped 1/18/00 from the Providence Civic Center in Providence, Rhode Island - sold out
Last program before the Royal Rumble PPV. Backstage, Triple H announces a match for X-Pac and gives the Outlaws the night off. The Rock, Big Show, Kane, and Triple H clash in a big interview to set another match and add Rumble hype. Recap of the bar-trashing the Acolytes did the last time they were in Providence. Winner gets slot #30 in the Rumble match: X-Pac vs. Test (C); New Age Outlaws interfere. X-Pac celebrates backstage; Al Snow and Steve Blackman discuss personality. Kurt Angle insults the crowd. Kurt Angle/the Bulldog vs. Steve Blackman/Al Snow (w/ Head). Matt Hardy (w/ Jeff Hardy and Terri) vs. D-Von Dudley (w/ Buh Buh Ray Dudley); turns into all four going at it; the Hardys put the Hardy Boyz through tables off the SmackDown stage. The New Age Outlaws visit the same local bar the Acolytes trashed last time through. Crash and Hardcore Holly get in a fight backstage. Too Cool/Rikishi Phatu vs. Chris Jericho (C)/Chyna (C, w/ Miss Kitty Kat [C])/Hardcore Holly. The Acolytes decide to visit the Outlaws at the bar. The Big Boss Man vs. Prince Albert. Rock interview. Viscera (w/ Tazz promo) vs. Crash Holly. Steve Austin update. Edge vs. Gangrel (w/ Luna); Edge is attacked by the entire women's locker room. The Acolytes get in a bar room brawl with the Outlaws and trash the bar again. Triple threat over-the-tope-rope lumberjack match: Kane (w/ Tori) vs. the Big Show vs. the Rock; clusterfrick breaks out. Triple H talks, Cactus Jack attacks.
(Backstage, Triple H and Stephanie are relaxing on a couch in their dressing room. Sitting near them on another couch are the Outlaws and X-Pac. Crowd heat begins as soon as the fans, watching on the OvalTron, spy their WWF champion)
TRIPLE H: "First of all, you guys, welcome to Providence."
MR. ASS: "And thanks for having us here."
X-PAC (rolling his eyes and sticking out his tongue): "I LOVE Providence..."
ROAD DOGG (sarcastically): "Yeah, thanks a lot!"
(Triple H clears his throat amid the chuckles and muttered insults to Providence)
TRIPLE H: "You guys... I mean, the Outlaws did a hell of a job Monday night; you guys single-handedly destroyed the Acolytes."
(Mr. Ass and Road Dogg smile abashedly)
X-PAC: "The Acolytes were toast!"
TRIPLE H: "That, my friends... that's an accomplishment, so--."
(Mr. Ass starts a golf clap)
OUTLAWS and X-PAC: "Night off! Yes!"
(The three laugh and begin celebrating)
X-PAC (excited): "Wait, what're we gonna do?"
TRIPLE H: "Hey, hold on, hold on... X-Pac, hey, hold on. THEY get the night off; YOU'VE gotta wrestle Test."
(pop from the crowd as the Outlaws both assume "whoops" expressions)
X-PAC (outraged and slightly whiny): "TEST?! C'mon, do I EVER get a night off?"
(The Outlaws appear to be laughing at X-Pac's consternation at this point)
TRIPLE H: "Wait a minute, though. Let me explain it. We pulled the names out of the hat today. The winner of that match is gonna be number thirty in the Rumble..."
(X-Pac's eyes go wide)
TRIPLE H: "...which means, when you beat him tonight..."
X-PAC: "Oooh!"
TRIPLE H: "...you are a shoo-in..."
X-PAC: "OOoh!"
TRIPLE H: "...to win the Royal Rumble."
(X-Pac begins a little celebration of his own)
ROAD DOGG (glancing at Triple H): "What about Cactus Jack?"
X-PAC (still celebrating): "YEEeah!"
MR. ASS (softly): "Yeah, what about Cactus Jack?"
TRIPLE H: "Cactus Jack is not here tonight, due to a supposed family illness..."
(Behind Triple H, Stephanie makes a face and rolls her eyes)
TRIPLE H: "...the whole world knows he's just scared to face me, so he's not showing up here."
X-PAC: "Right."
STEPHANIE: "Be that as it may, he's not here, but WE are. So let's make this a night to remember!"
TRIPLE H: "I'm digging that. I'm digging that in the most!"
"We are just seventy-two hours, three days away from the Royal Rumble, live exclusively on pay-per-view! And as Triple H said, King, SmackDown will be a night to remember!"
"Oh, I can't wait!"
-- Michael Cole and Jerry "the King" Lawler, kicking us off
"W-H-I-T-E T-R-A-S-H"
-- giant sign in the crowd
"Rock My World"
-- sign in the crowd
"Nice Nose Test!"
-- sign in the crowd
(Dressed in winter gear and looking like a gangbanger, the Big Show enters the ring to heat)
LAWLER: "Listen to these people boo the Big Show!"
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
MICHAEL COLE: "The chants of "Rocky" filling the Providence Civic Center; the boos for the Big Show."
BIG SHOW: "So I guess the first thing I should do, is I probably should come out here and apologize."
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "Apologize? For what?"
BIG SHOW: "I should apologize for not being what you want! I should apologize for not being something I can't be."
(more heat)
LAWLER: "What's he talking about?"
BIG SHOW: "I should apologize for something I never will be."
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
LAWLER: "Listen to THIS!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Why are these fans doing this, King? They are all over the Big Show!"
BIG SHOW (eying the crowd): "Folks, I'm here to tell you-- I'll never be the Rock."
(mixed crowd reaction of "thank God" and "no kidding")
BIG SHOW: "You know... you people sit there and you boo me... you BOO me!"
(big crowd heat as cameras focus on a sign-- "How do you spell Big Show? JABRONI!!")
LAWLER: "They've done that, all right... they're still doing it!"
BIG SHOW: "Yet I take the time away from my family, when I'm eating dinner, to sign your autographs, to shake your hands, to kiss your babies! And you boo me!"
(crowd heat)
LAWLER (referring to the crowd): "Bunch of ingrates."
BIG SHOW: "Well, let me tell you-- I know why each and every one of you boos me, doesn't like me. And why everybody in that locker room back there doesn't like me!"
(big reaction from the crowd, mixed again)
BIG SHOW (enthusiastically): "You wanna know WHY nobody likes me?!"
LAWLER: "Why's that?"
BIG SHOW: "Because all of you can never be seven-foot-two, five hundred pounds!"
(crowd heat)
LAWLER: "He's got a good point there, Michael."
(cameras focus on a "Big Show" sign with Show crossed out and "Jabroni" written in)
BIG SHOW: "It drives you absolutely NUTS, knowing that I can stand in this ring and be the most dominating force that has ever walked IN to the WWF! And all you can do is sit back with a sour-grapes attitude and watch, and boo, 'cause it's not you."
LAWLER: "That's true. Truth hurts sometimes; lotta jealousy in the locker room."
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
(Big Show observes the crowd patiently)
LAWLER: "Still chanting for the Rock!"
BIG SHOW: "If you guys chant "Rocky" all the time, you're part of that illusion, too. Of course, you think Rocky's gonna win Royal Rumble, don't you?"
(huge pop as cameras focus on a chick with a sign that says, "Let Me Smack the Rock's Bottom")
BIG SHOW: "Well, I've got a big news flash for ya. For him to win the Royal Rumble..." (shifts into evil voice) "...he's gotta get past ME!"
(big heat)
LAWLER: "That's a tall order, right there!"
BIG SHOW (still in evil voice): "There is nobody here in the WWF that is gonna stop me at Royal Rumble! *I* am seven-foot-two; *I* am five hundred pounds! I will throw each and every one of them over the top rope! I will be the one to win! *I* will go on to WrestleMania, and I will get back MY WWF title!"
(crowd heat)
MICHAEL COLE (impressed): "The Big Show a man on a mission!"
LAWLER: "A man of his word, too."
BIG SHOW: "Now, as far as Rocky goes... I don't like Rocky. No, let me get that straight. I HATE ROCKY!"
(crowd heat)
MICHAEL COLE: "Whoa."
LAWLER: "He hates the Rock!"
BIG SHOW: "So I'm gonna get this over real fast; I'm gonna settle all my scores, I think, right here tonight. So if we can get Rocky to bring his eyebrow-raising, narrow, pea-headed self down here..."
(crowd begins to pop)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh."
BIG SHOW: "I will SHINE his pretty little head right up, take my finger, push his eyebrow up, grab him by the neck, turn him sideways, and I'm gonna STICK HIM STRAIGHT UP THE PEOPLE'S A--"
MUSIC: "IF YA SMELLLL..."
(crowd explodes)
LAWLER: "Whuh-oh."
MICHAEL COLE: "The Big Show called the Rock out, and the Rock's gonna respond as we kick off SmackDown!"
LAWLER: "This could get real ugly, fast!"
(The Rock comes out on the stage, mic in hand, and observes the Big Show)
MICHAEL COLE: "King, here's the man who guaranteed he was gonna win the Royal Rumble this coming Sunday on pay-per-view! That he was gonna throw twenty-nine other jabronis over the top rope! The Rock!"
LAWLER: "Well, Rock started this, and I gotta tell ya, I don't see any way that the Rock, as great as he is, is gonna be able to get past the Big Show at Royal Rumble!"
BIG SHOW: "Hey, Rocky! You hear all these people chanting for you? You're the People's champion? Well, let me tell you something, buddy! You can HAVE the damn people!"
LAWLER: "Uh-oh!"
(crowd heaps heat upon the Big Show)
LAWLER (to the Big Show): "Don't worry, he's got them!"
(The Rock silently observes the Big Show)
MICHAEL COLE: "The intensity on the Rock's face!"
(The Rock slowly lifts his microphone to his lips)
THE ROCK: "Finally, the Rock, HAS COME BACK to Providence!"
(huge pop)
THE ROCK: "Let the Rock understand this, Big Show. You are seven-two, five hundred pounds?" (in the ring, Big Show nods) "Former WWF champion. One of the most physically impressive specimens the WWF has ever seen; you grab the microphone, look everybody in the eye, and you say this?" (Rock shifts into little-girl voice) "Why are you booing me? Don't you boo me!"
(crowd pops huge)
THE ROCK (to Big Show in normal voice, and barely able to be heard over the crowd): "Oh, shut your mouth!"
(Big Show rips off his hat and roars, stomping and shaking the ring ropes)
LAWLER (watching Big Show): "Uh-oh... uh-oh!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Big Show is hot!"
LAWLER: "The Rock's digging himself a deeper hole than he's already in!"
(The Rock glares at Big Show, who is still stomping around)
LAWLER: "The Rock may not make it out of here if he's not careful."
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
LAWLER: "Listening to these people can get you hurt!"
THE ROCK: "You see, so the Rock says, there's a little lesson to be learned here. And that lesson is this. Big Show, you see, when you insult the Rock; when you insult the Great One; when you insult the People's champion, you insult the people!"
(huge pop)
LAWLER: "I don't think the Big Show cares!"
THE ROCK: "Now, seeing as you've insulted the people, you've left the Rock with not one BUT TWO choices. The first choice, is the Rock can go in the back, take off his five hundred dollar shirt, wait 'til Sunday, and eliminate your big candy ass to win the Royal Rumble."
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "That's one choice."
(cameras show the Big Show muttering at the Rock from inside the ring)
THE ROCK: "And then there's the second choice."
(crowd pops)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh."
THE ROCK: "And seeing as we ARE here on the Rock's show, SmackDown..."
(crowd pops)
THE ROCK: "...the Rock figured he'd just..."
(The Rock begins walking down the ramp; the crowd goes nuts as the Big Show steps back from the ropes, muttering at the Rock to bring it)
MICHAEL COLE: "Oh boy..."
LAWLER: "Oh, no... you don't..."
THE ROCK: "...walk down the People's ramp, just like this..." (crowd pops)
LAWLER (panicked): "The five hundred dollar shirt and all? He's gonna--"
THE ROCK: "...stop in the middle, just like this... inhale the electricity from the MILLIONS..."
CROWD: "...AND MILLIONS..."
THE ROCK: "...of Rock's fans, keep walking... just like this... come up in the middle of the People's ring, and kick your candy ass all over Providence!"
(crowd pops again as the Rock makes it to ringside, glaring up at the Big Show, who taunts him freely)
LAWLER: "Oh my God, Michael..."
(unexpectedly, the majority of the lights go out and those that stay on shift to red as a huge explosion of pyrotechnics goes off on stage; Michael Cole freaks as Kane's entrance theme begins)
MICHAEL COLE: "What the hell is THIS, King?"
LAWLER (panicked): "I don't know!"
(Kane comes stalking out onto the stage. Tori is next to him in a black dress, looking less offensive than usual; she carries a microphone. Big Show and the Rock both watch, mystified)
MICHAEL COLE: "It-- it's Kane! The big red machine and his girlfriend, Tori!"
LAWLER: "My gosh, look at Tori! Does SHE look hot!"
(Kane stops on the stage, twitching, as Tori steps in front of him)
TORI: "Well, well, well. Egos are certainly running amok here on SmackDown! HUGE egos."
LAWLER: "You got THAT right."
TORI: "You know, it's funny... you two seem to think that you're the only ones capable of winning this year's Royal Rumble." (chuckles) "Well, hello! Hate to rain on your parade, boys, but there are twenty-eight others who think that they are capable of winning. I'm here to inform you, there can be only one winner! And he is the big... red... machine!"
(Kane steps forward, tightening his glove, as the crowd mulls this over)
LAWLER: "Whoa!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Well, Kane IS in the Royal Rumble match Sunday... one of the thirty superstars--"
LAWLER: "Hey, wait a minute! What's he doing? Is he gonna come DOWN there?"
(Kane is walking down the ramp with Tori)
MICHAEL COLE: "And here they come; wait a minute! Kane's on his way down the ramp; the Rock's outside the ring and Big Show's IN the ring!"
LAWLER: "I think Kane wants to prove a point here."
(Triple H's entrance theme begins suddenly, and the crowd... pops? Well, it's mixed to start and then goes to pure heat)
LAWLER: "The Game! He's gonna come out here!"
MICHAEL COLE: "The music of the WWF champion!"
(Triple H comes out, mic in hand, with Steph looking slutty in tight black beside him)
MICHAEL COLE: "It's Triple H, and his wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley! And what an explosive situation we have on our hands! Triple H, the Rock, Big Show, Kane! All out here in the arena at the same time, King!"
LAWLER: "This is what the Royal Rumble is all about; it's gonna decide who's gonna get a shot at the Game and the WWF championship!"
MICHAEL COLE: "OR Cactus Jack."
LAWLER: "Oh, yeah."
MICHAEL COLE: "They meet for the championship on pay-per-view Sunday; Triple H, Cactus Jack in a street fight!"
(Kane and Tori are at the bottom of the ramp; Big Show leans on the ropes and the Rock paces at ringside as the crowd gives much heat to the Helmsleys)
TRIPLE H: "You know, if there's one thing I hate, it's a bunch of egomaniacs. You guys stand out here putting yourselves over, talking a bunch of crap about how I'm gonna beat YOU and I'm gonna throw you over the top rope, and I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that..."
CROWD: "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
LAWLER: "I don't get these people; they're showing absolutely no respect for anybody except... except the Rock."
TRIPLE H: "...when the fact of the matter is, you all are going Sunday to the Royal Rumble with the sole purpose of winning so you can get the chance to step into the ring at WrestleMania with the Game!"
LAWLER: "See? I told ya, Michael!"
MICHAEL COLE: "No, that's ASSUMING if he defeats Cactus Jack at the Rumble!"
TRIPLE H: "So that you can get a shot at the World Wrestling Federation championship! Well, I've got news for you. The winner of the Royal Rumble..."
CROWD: "Cac-tus Jack! Cac-tus Jack! Cac-tus Jack!"
(Triple H appears unnerved by this)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh... a Cactus Jack chant!"
(At ringside, the Rock scowls and eyes the crowd briefly)
MICHAEL COLE: "We heard a little earlier on, Triple H saying that Cactus Jack is NOT here."
TRIPLE H (composing himself): "For the winner of the Royal Rumble, April 2 in Anaheim, it's gonna be a whole lot of long night, and it's gonna be one big disappointment, because I go to WrestleMania the World Wrestling Federation champ..."
(down at ringside, Tori shakes her head in annoyance)
TRIPLE H: "...and I leave WrestleMania, the Game, and I leave WrestleMania the World Wrestling Federation champion!"
(big heat)
LAWLER: "Plain and simple."
TRIPLE H: "But, since you all seem so eager to fight... since the competitive juices seem to be floating through the air tonight, I think Steph and I can accommodate you."
LAWLER (suspicious): "What?"
TRIPLE H: "You see, because... in that very ring... the three of you will compete tonight in the first-ever triple threat--"
(Stephanie whispers something in Triple H's ear)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh... it's fixing to get better!"
TRIPLE H (grinning at Steph): "Very good. Over-the-top-rope..."
(Stephanie whispers something else in Triple H's ear)
MICHAEL COLE: "They're making it up as they go, King!"
LAWLER: "Yeah, that's great!"
CROWD: "Slut! Slut! Slut!"
LAWLER: "Uh-oh..."
(Stephanie looks terribly offended)
LAWLER: "What are they-- this-- oh my God, Michael; listen to this! No class whatsoever!"
TRIPLE H (to the crowd): "Don't talk about Tori like that!"
(Tori glares in annoyance as Stephanie grins triumphantly)
LAWLER (chuckling): "That's right!"
TRIPLE H: "Lumberjack match. So what that will mean, for you slow people..."
LAWLER (confused): "A what?!"
TRIPLE H: "A triple threat, over-the-top-rope, lumberjack match!"
LAWLER: "I've never seen one-- I've never HEARD of one of those!"
MICHAEL COLE: "First ever!"
TRIPLE H: "And, that means that, like the Royal Rumble, twenty-seven other men will walk to that ring, and they will surround it. The three of you will enter the ring. The object-- to throw your opponent over the top rope. The winner will be the last one standing in that ring."
LAWLER: "The Royal Rumble!"
TRIPLE H: "The only difference between this and the Royal Rumble-- the winner doesn't get a first-class ticket to WrestleMania to get his ass kicked by me."
LAWLER (in a flash of psychic inspiration): "It's gonna be TONIGHT?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Tonight!"
THE ROCK: "Triple H, the Rock says this-- you can throw every type of match at the Rock, over the top, lumberjack, up your candy ass, falls-count-anywhere, it doesn't matter!"
(As the Rock speaks, the Big Show climbs out of the ring and goes to stand behind the Great One)
LAWLER: "Uh-oh..."
(the crowd begins to sound the alarm, trying to warn the Rock)
THE ROCK: "The Rock says this-- one way or another, come hell or high water, the Rock will kick YOUR candy ass, the big red retard's candy ass--"
(The Big Show attacks the Rock, Kane dives in, and seconds later the Rock has left both of his opponents lying courtesy of a pair of wicked chairshots)
"Do you remember the last time we were in Providence? I don't think this town has really gotten over it yet!"
-- Lawler, recalling the bar-trashing habits of the Acolytes
"I find it awfully suspicious that THESE two names were drawn out of a hat at random; X-Pac Triple H's best buddy, and Test Triple H's arch enemy, so to speak... former fiancee of Triple H's wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley."
-- Michael Cole
"All right! That was a SHOCKER!"
-- Lawler after interference from the Outlaws lets X-Pac win his match
"You guys aren't steering me wrong after all, I guess, huh?"
-- X-Pac to Triple H and Stephanie, sounding surprised, after his victory over Test
"You know what the only bad thing about this is, though? You're number thirty now; you're a shoo-in to win the Rumble... which means it's me and you at WrestleMania."
-- Triple H to X-Pac
"...dealing with split personalities? Well let me tell you something. You screw THIS up tonight, you try to hit me with that Head, it's gonna be YOUR skull that I split."
-- Steve Blackman to Al Snow and Head, backstage
"I think we're a perfect pair; we're a match made in heaven! My last partner, Mick Foley, had three personalities! You don't have ANY personality!"
-- Al Snow to Steve Blackman
"It has been brought to my attention that Sunday night, the Royal Rumble at Madison Square Garden, your Olympic hero has just been informed that he has an unnamed opponent in his match. Supposedly, with a man who is going to break my notorious undefeated streak. Now, my concern does not lie with this quote-unquote unnamed man, but that this country would be completely devastated if my streak come to an end."
-- Kurt Angle
"Oh, I love to see Terri run like that..."
-- Lawler as Terri jogs down to the ring
"These Dudley Boyz aren't right..."
"They're idiots!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Dudleys go nuts and attack the ref, as well as snapping chairs over the heads of the Hardys
"Take them up!"
-- Buh Buh Ray to D-Von, pointing towards the stage
<>
"King, something looked like it snapped inside Buh Buh Ray Dudley on RAW Monday night; we've never seen that look in his eyes!"
-- Michael Cole as Buh Buh Ray sets up a pair of tables below the stage and D-Von drags Matt Hardy to the top
"Terri is PLEADING with D-Von and Buh Buh Ray; oh, he's not gonna do this! He's NOT gonna do this!"
-- Michael Cole as Terri drops to her knees on the ramp and D-Von grins at her; beyond him, Buh Buh Ray is setting Matt up for a powerbomb off the stage
"NO! He's NOT gonna do this!"
"I'm tellin' ya, these Hardys are CRAZY!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Matt Hardy does a legdrop off the stage and onto D-Von, putting him through a table; look at D-Von twitch afterward!
"Terri loves it!"
-- Lawler as Terri does the guns-to-the-head motion on the stage
"Who would have ever thought the Hardy Boyz would have left the Dudleys laying?"
-- Michael Cole as the cameras zoom in on Buh Buh Ray's bloody face
"You want some of me, huh? You want a piece of me? I'll take you on tonight! Come on!"
-- Crash Holly yelling at Viscera backstage
"My my my! What a motley-looking crew this is! This reminds me of the cantina scene from Star Wars... I mean, you've got a couple of Vanilla Ice wanna-bes, you've got a freak of nature and her Mini Me little buddy, you got a bleach-blonde buffoon, and you got a really fat guy in a diaper... this is disgusting!"
-- Chris Jericho, insulting Too Cool, Chyna, Miss Kitty Kat, Hardcore Holly, and Rikishi Phatu to a good pop
"C'mon, Scott Taylor!"
-- Jericho yelling at Scotty Too Hotty
"Uh-oh... Scotty's in trouble now; he's lost his hat!"
-- Lawler
"Kat, do something!"
-- Lawler as Rikishi drags Chyna to the corner for a butt drop, to a BIG pop from the crowd
"How about I take you for a drink?"
-- a chuckling Bradshaw after observing the Outlaws on TV at the bar
"Is it Cactus Jack's that si-- well, we KNOW he's sick..."
-- Lawler on Cactus Jack's absence
"What we have here is a very interesting situation. On the one hand, we've got a huge, statuesque retard, who you can't understand a single damn word he's saying, and on the other hand, you have Kane..."
-- the Rock on his opponents in the triple threat match
"I've got an eerie feeling... "the mood is about to change?"
-- Michael Cole on the Tazz promo
"Right now we're looking at a guy who could easily be the winner of the Royal Rumble... who's gonna throw HIM over the top rope?"
-- Lawler on Viscera
"And his opponent, from Mobile, Alabama..."
"Oh, boy..."
-- the ring announcer and Lawler as little Crash Holly comes out to fight Viscera
"If this had been the Royal Rumble, Crash would have lasted about one second."
-- Lawler
"WHAT A MOVE by Crash Holly!"
"Did you see THAT?!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Crash uses the ropes for height to pull off a swinging neckbreaker on Viscera
"Christian was thrown into one of the Godfather's ladies... she took quite a tumble down to the floor, and Edge being the nice guy that he was, he deserted his brother Christian to go around and check on the lady!"
-- Lawler recapping the mess on RAW
"She's got a killer body!"
-- Lawler on Luna
"I wonder what his fiancee thinks about Edge possibly being a judge in the swimsuit competition."
"Well, she's probably got a sense of humor."
"I HOPE Alanna has a good sense of humor!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Edge hits the ring for his match against Gangrel
"MAE YOUNG IS KISSING EDGE!"
-- Michael Cole as Mae Young tries to influence Edge's decision in the swimsuit competition
"I think she slipped him the tongue!"
-- Lawler
"Edge is engaged, and Mae Young is after him!"
"She's gonna molest him!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Man, my dog would KILL me if I didn't get an autograph for him!"
-- Bradshaw, spotting the Road Dogg in the bar and acting thrilled
"It's Billy Gunn!"
-- Faarooq spotting Mr. Ass, and speaking in a hysterical awed voice
"When you stand next to Kane--if you've got the guts to stand next to Kane-- he's huge! But he STILL looks small next to the Big Show!"
-- Lawler
"Rock's eliminated from the match, but he's had enough of the Big Show running his mouth!"
-- Michael Cole as the Rock rushes back into the ring
"What I will do, guaranteed, is turn you into the world's largest pincushion!"
-- Cactus Jack to Triple H
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