Quotes: Royal Rumble
January 23, 2000
Live from Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York - sold out
Kurt Angle vs. mystery opponent (Tazz's debut). INT- Terri/Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy. The Dudley Boyz vs. the Hardy Boyz (tag team table match); Buh Buh takes the Nestea Plunge from, and Jeff Hardy does a senton bomb from, the balcony. Backstage, medics check over Angle, who claims to remain undefeated. Miss Royal Rumble Swimsuit Competition; Mae Young gets naked. Jonathan Coachman reports from WWF New York. Hardcore Holly vs. Chyna vs. Chris Jericho (Intercontinental title change). INT- the Rock. New Age Outlaws vs. the Acolytes (Tag Team championship match), X-Pac comes out. Triple H/Cactus Jack video package. Triple H vs. Cactus Jack (WWF championship match, street fight rules); barbed wire, thumbtacks used; Rock/Stephanie McMahon each come out briefly. WWF New York report. Footage of the finish of the '95 Royal Rumble (controversial finish between Shawn Michaels and the British Bulldog). Royal Rumble match, Kaientai/Mean Street Posse do multiple run-ins. INT- the Rock, Big Show comes out.
TRIPLE H (voiceover): "They call you Cactus Jack..."
CACTUS JACK (voiceover): "They call you Triple H..."
TRIPLE H: "King of the death match!"
CACTUS JACK: "The WWF champion..."
TRIPLE H: "The myth that lost an ear in Munich."
CACTUS JACK: "The man that will go to any lengths to win..."
TRIPLE H: "Barbed wire scars... C-4 explosions... blood, sweat, and tears."
CACTUS JACK: "You've maimed, crippled, and injured men your entire career!"
TRIPLE H: "Some say you shoot from the hip--"
CACTUS JACK: "You WILL lose this street fight!"
TRIPLE H: "--I say, you just shoot your mouth off."
CACTUS JACK: "Some say, you can't be beat--"
TRIPLE H: "I am the Game!"
CACTUS JACK: "--I say, I've played this game before and won!"
TRIPLE H: "I am Triple H!"
CACTUS JACK: "I am Cactus Jack!"
TRIPLE H: "Some call me sick and sadistic..."
CACTUS JACK: "I am the sickest S.O.B. in the business!"
TRIPLE H: "I call myself the World Wrestling Federation champion."
CACTUS JACK: "There will be no laughter, no regret, no remorse!"
-- Triple H and Cactus Jack, narrating an impressive opening video package of the past triumphs of both men
"Will Book Matches for Food"
-- sign in the crowd
"WCW Sucks"
-- sign in the crowd (heh)
"Ray from Photo wants CPR from B.B."
-- sign in the crowd
"Jerichoholics Anonymous"
-- big sign in the crowd
"We Want Tazz"
-- one of MANY Tazz signs in the crowd
"I Wash With Ivory"
-- sign in the crowd
"The atmosphere is electrifying! The site couldn't be any bigger! We are in the sold-out Madison Square Garden, and we welcome you live to New York City, and the 2000 Royal Rumble!"
-- J.R. kicking us off
"Cactus Jack... he's vicious... he's mean... he's homicidal!"
-- Jerry "the King" Lawler on Cactus
"You know... I am very proud to be here tonight in Madison Square Garden!" (heat) "And, in a building this famous, it deserves to have a true champion performing in it." (heat) "And we all know that if we wait for Patrick Ewing and the New York Knicks to bring home a title, we'd probably be waiting forever." (big heat) "We would! We would; it's true! So tonight, even if it's just for one night, I have decided to be your champion." (heat) "Now, concerning this so-called "unnamed opponent..." Hold up a second, please. Now, I know you have to be pretty nervous, coming out here and facing an undefeated American hero." (heat) "So what I want you to do is take a nice, deep breath, let it out, and remember, this is something that you can probably tell your grandkids about someday! It is! So what I want you to do is, remember your three "I"s! Come on out here, and give it your all."
-- Kurt Angle
"We want Tazz! We want Tazz! We want Tazz!"
-- chant from the crowd during Kurt Angle's spiel
"J.R.! J.R., look! J.R.!"
-- Lawler, slightly panicky, as Tazz comes out to a huge pop
"ECW! ECW! ECW!"
-- chant from the crowd as Tazz drags Angle around by the hair at ringside
"I've never SEEN suplexes like this!"
-- Lawler as Tazz delivers suplex after suplex to Angle
"Tazz now... he's trying to choke out Angle!"
-- J.R. as the famous Tazmission is applied
"TAZZ is WAR"
-- sign in the crowd
"Well, perhaps Kurt Angle won't be the only superstar helped out of Madison Square Garden tonight!"
-- Michael Cole as he prepares to interview the Hardy Boyz
"Michael, we are gonna go out there and tear the roof off Madison Square Garden!"
"Terri, no! You think we're gonna let you go out there tonight? Do you realize how violent this is gonna be? No!"
"Everyone knows the Dudleys are extreme; everyone knows the Dudleys are the masters of putting people through tables. We weren't even supposed to BE in the WWF, but we are. And tonight, we're gonna put the Dudleys through tables, or we're gonna die trying."
-- Terri, Jeff Hardy, and Matt Hardy backstage, during their interview with Michael Cole
"King, would you like to read this? Earn your keep?"
-- J.R., passing off sponsor info to Lawler
"Condoms Prevent Dudleys"
-- sign in the crowd
"D-Von... can you b-b-believe how ass-backwards the people in New York City are?" (big heat) "You people actually cheer for those pretty-boy punks, the Hardy Boyz!" (pop) "But you have the nerve to boo a person, the greatest pitcher in the history of baseball, my new hero, John Rocker!"
-- Buh Buh Ray Dudley (referring to the baseball player who recently heaped insults upon NYC)
"What a chair shot! MY God!"
-- Lawler as Jeff Hardy lays a STIFF shot on Buh Buh Ray at ringside
"Who got the worst end of that; I'm not really sure!"
-- Lawler as a reeling Buh Buh Ray plants Jeff Hardy into a table
"Buh Buh's head has gone through two chairs... does that count for anything?"
"It counts for a hell of a headache on Monday morning!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Here comes D-Von... D-Von climbing the ladder as well..."
-- J.R. as D-Von and Matt Hardy scale a ringside ladder (just after J.R. finishes this, D-Von falls off the ladder and clobbers a fan at ringside)
"And both Hardys--"
"Ack!"
"--Matt and Jeff, are airborne!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Matt leaps off the top of a ladder and Jeff off the top turnbuckle to simultaneously drive a prone Buh Buh Ray through a table at ringside
"Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit! Ho-ly shit!"
-- chant from the crowd after the above spot
"I bet these guys did well with an erector set when they were little."
"There's gonna be some erection destruction here!"
-- Lawler and J.R. on the Dudleys
"Buh Buh's reeling; look out-- OH MY GOD! Buh Buh Dudley went through two tables to the concrete floor!"
-- J.R. as Buh Buh tumbles from the balcony through the tables
"Don't, Jeff; don't do it-- MY GOD! SENTON BOMB FROM THE BALCONY!"
-- J.R.
"For God's sake! The Hardys have survived... or have they?"
"Survived? They won! Look at this; he's broken in half, but they won!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"The Dudleys look like they've been in a gang fight!"
-- J.R.
"The Nestea Plunge by Buh Buh Ray!"
-- Lawler during the replay
"I'm undefeated, though; did I win?"
-- a dazed Angle backstage
"Give me that microphone, Howard Finkel, and get out of the ring! These girls aren't your type; they're not inflatable!"
-- Lawler, taking over as emcee for the Miss Royal Rumble competition
"This young lady is featured in this month's RAW magazine, in a centerfold wearing not much more than the staple!"
-- Lawler on Terri
"Oh, the King is LOVING this..."
-- J.R. as the Miss Royal Rumble contestants come to the ring (is it just me, or is Lawler's "Here, kitty kitty kitty" actually in the Kat's entrance music?)
"All right... now we're fixing to find out why those damn Hardy Boyz are so lucky!"
-- Lawler as it comes Terri's turn to disrobe (can you believe this woman has given birth to a BABY?!)
"Yes yes yes!"
-- Lawler jumping for joy (literally) as Terri flaunts her wares
"Somebody's gonna have to kickstart Fred's pacemaker there..."
-- Lawler, referring to judge Classy Freddie Blassie
"They may call me the Burger King, but she's got the double whoppers!"
-- Lawler on B.B.
"I guess size DOES matter!"
-- J.R. on B.B.
"Let me pop it; I LOVE to pop bubble wrap!"
-- Lawler on the Kat's bubble-wrap bikini
"Well, folks, there you have it! How do you score it at home?"
-- J.R. as the Miss Royal Rumble contestants wait for the judge's decision
"Maybe she went to the AARP happy hour..."
-- J.R. speculating on the reasons behind Mae Young's striptease
"Wait a minute, Mae, NO NO NO--"
-- Lawler as Mae Young unzips; at ringside, Moolah is covering her eyes while Freddie Blassie cheers Mae on
"I'm gonna have bad dreams tonight, I think..."
-- a horrified J.R. at ringside
"Guys, I am indeed here at the WWF entertainment complex..."
-- Jonathan Coachman in an on-the-spot interview at WWF New York; he's trying to hold a smile even though he is being absolutely mobbed (note the one guy who leaps in front of Coachman and another who gives the finger throughout the entire latter part of the interview)
"Why don't you be chivalrous for once in your life and let ME wear the belt?"
"Chivalrous? What do you think this is, medieval times?"
-- Chyna and Chris Jericho bickering backstage
"All right, New York City! Welcome to Madison... Square... Jericho! And after tonight, when I become the true, undisputed Intercontinental champion, the Jerichoholics of the Big Apple will throw a celebration party that will make the millennium bash in Times Square look like my sister's seventh birthday party! It'll be a celebration so huge, so grandiose, so spectacular, that it will never, EEEEEEEEVER, be forgotten again!"
-- Chris Jericho
"Let me tell you something, J.R., I apologize. My mind is just-- I mean, I've seen Frankenstein movies, horror movies, Dracula-- I've never seen anything like Mae Young!"
-- a recovering Lawler
"There are two WWF superstars who the Rock has a concern with; there are two who might give the Rock problems. Number one is gonna be Crash Holly." (crowd pops) "Number two is going to be--" (the Rock pauses and tips his head) "--Headbanger Mosh." (big crowd pop) "And the Rock says, if he can get by THOSE two, then he MIGHT have a shot at winning the Royal Rumble."
-- the Rock
"Rock, with all due respect, shouldn't you be a little more concerned with, say, the Big Show?"
"Well, the Rock says this-- YOU should be concerned with fixing yourself a nice tall glass of shut up juice!"
-- Michael Cole and the Rock
"The Rock says this-- Big Show, do you actually THINK that you're going to win the Royal Rumble? Do you actually THINK that you're gonna take the Great One and throw him over the top rope? Do you ac-tu-al-ly THINK that you're going on to WrestleMania and becoming the WWF champion? Well, the Rock says this-- he wipes a monkey's ASS with what you think!"
-- the Rock
"Whether you like him or not, J.R., you've got to admit, he IS the Game!"
"Well, you're right about that. And I DON'T like him. But he is an amazing, amazing competitor, is the World Wrestling Federation champion."
"Did your arm ever heal back exactly right?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Triple H comes to the ring
LAWLER: "I'm gonna tell you something, J.R. You've just got to keep this in mind; this is not really fair. I mean, the Game didn't really want this match; he was forced into it!"
J.R.: "What do you mean by that?"
LAWLER: "Well, the whole WWF was held hostage! I mean, first of all he had to reinstate Mick Foley..."
J.R.: "Well, you're right about that."
LAWLER: "...and then he was forced to accept this match with... well, he thought it was Mankind; it turned out to be THIS idiot."
J.R.: "It's about time he was forced to accept the challenge of someone that earned it; that deserves the opportunity of this magnitude!"
LAWLER: "Oh, you're just a Foley fan."
J.R.: "You're right about that!"
CROWD: "Cac-tus Jack! Cac-tus Jack! Cac-tus Jack!"
"It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull; you KNOW he's going to come, Triple H!"
-- Lawler as Triple H encourages Cactus Jack close for a nasty chairshot
"Cactus Jack and Triple H in a sea of humanity here!"
"Humanity? This is New York City, J.R.!"
"What's your point?"
"Humanity?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the WWF title match spills into the crowd
"Trash can right to the skull... and your WWF champion, King, is in a very, very bad way!"
"Well, I guess so; it's not his kind of match! And now, when he's in trouble, when a true athlete's in trouble, all of a sudden he's *MY* champion."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Now Mankind bouncing Triple H's head right off the steel..."
"It's Cactus Jack!"
"Cactus Jack; I'm sorry..."
"If it was that idiot Mankind, Triple H would have already beaten him long ago."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"You pussies!"
-- somebody near the entranceway yelling at Triple H and Cactus Jack (during this segment, right after Cactus flattens the garbage can, you can see Triple H checking out the bloody gash on his leg, the ref checking to see if he's okay, and Triple H nodding vigorously to continue)
"Look at that sign-- "Cactus Jack, the King of Hardcore." Hard to refer to him as the king of anything, but if it would be anything that he's the king of it WOULD be hardcore!"
-- Lawler
"Is that-- that looks like barbed wire!"
"It's a two-by-four wrapped in barbed wire! Refer-EE!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Cactus Jack whips out a toy from underneath the ring
"There's gotta be large parts of Cactus Jack's epidermis on that barbed wire!"
-- J.R., getting graphic, after Triple H wallops Cactus with the two-by-four
"Hit him in the face!"
-- Lawler yelling advice to Triple H, who has managed to snag the two-by-four
"Cactus Jack is confronting the referee; he wants his-- he wants to know where that two-by-four, and where the barbed wire is!"
"Wait a minute, the referee stooged it off! He told him where it is!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the ref gives up the location of the weapon
"Oh! He hit him in the face!"
"My God! My God, Cactus just hit Triple H right in the face with barbed wire! With barbed wire! To another human being's face!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Oh, look at that; he's ripped to shreds! How did he-- how did he kick out of that? He's truly-- oh my gosh..."
"Triple H has been busted open from ear to ear..."
"Busted open? He's punctured! He's ripped from that barbed wire!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as a bleeding Triple H sits up
"Triple H is bleeding like a horse!"
-- J.R.
"Good God ALMIGHTY! For the love of GOD!"
-- J.R. (this is how you can tell a match is really getting good)
"I don't care how tough you are... if you can't stand, you're going to have a hell of a time winning a fight! Even for Cactus Jack! And that's what Triple H is doing now."
"Yeah, but how is Triple H able to stand? He's lost so much blood, I don't... where's he getting the strength?"
"Well, he's a stud; no doubt about it!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as a blood-covered Triple H attacks the knee of Cactus Jack
"He just threw his entire body weight into the testicles of the Game!"
-- Lawler on Cactus Jack
"Pound him! POUND HIM LIKE A RAILROAD SPIKE!"
-- Lawler getting into it, screaming encouragement at Triple H
"Oh God!"
"Oh my God!"
"It's thumbtacks! It's hundreds, it's thousands, of thumbtacks!"
"Oh no!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Cactus Jack pours a sackful of thumbtacks out on the mat
"OH MY GOD! Oh my God! Cactus Jack is a human pincushion!"
-- J.R. as Cactus falls into the tacks; Lawler is moaning in sympathy beside him
"Have you ever in your life... seen anything like that, J.R.?"
"I have never witnessed a championship match anywhere, at any time, in twenty-five years, like we have just witnessed here tonight! How much more could either of these two competitors have given us tonight? Triple H has lost so much blood, King, he's barely able to stand!"
"Look at this... the thumbtacks have been driven right into the skull of Cactus Jack!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Triple H collapses at ringside and a thumbtacked Cactus lays prone
"Get those handcuffs back out! Cuff him! Where's that policeman when you need him?"
-- Lawler as Cactus drags Triple H (on a stretcher at this point) back to the ring
"Cactus Jack has left the WWF champion a bloody, quivering mass, in what has to be the damnedest WWF title match that any of us have ever witnessed!" -- J.R.
"Look at this, J.R.! I mean, it's unbelievable! There's blood everywhere; our table is, is history... I've never seen anything like that!"
-- Lawler gesturing to the dented, blood-smeared announce table as the ring crew desperately tries to clear the ring of thumbtacks to allow the Royal Rumble to begin
"Linda, I'm interested to know how you, Vince, and Shane are feeling about the whole McMahon-Helmsley era and, more specifically, the actions of your daughter the last couple of months."
"Jonathan, I can't really speak to Stephanie, I just can't have any comment about that. But let me tell you, I'm the CEO of the World Wrestling Federation, and even though Triple H is still champion, you can rest assured that things in the World Wrestling Federation are gonna be handled the McMahon way."
-- Coachman and Linda McMahon at WWF NY
"That's not really very lucky, you know, J.R.?"
-- Lawler as Rumble entrant #1, D'Lo Brown, enters
"What poor schmuck is this? WHAT?! It's Grand Master Sexay... I thought he was luckier than this!"
-- Lawler as his son is revealed to be Rumble entrant #2
"Some say he got a bad break at birth, but that's only a rumor!"
-- J.R., responding to Lawler's comment
"Boy, that was close..."
-- Lawler after D'Lo nearly drops Grand Master on his head during a running powerbomb attempt
"Is that, like, a tribute to Mae Young?"
"I don't know... were hers furry?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Headbanger Mosh comes out with bright green furry cones on his chest
"Don't forget, J.R., this is every man for himself! No friends out here tonight! 'Course, if you were in the Rumble, you wouldn't have to worry; you don't have any friends anyway!"
-- Lawler
"Oh, Rikishi! The fans on their feet!"
"Oh, baby..."
He's well over four hundred pounds..."
"Say it, J.R.! Business is about to pick up, isn't it!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Rumble entrant #5, Rikishi Phatu, comes out to take care of business
"Over four hundred pounds? I guess! He qualifies for group insurance all by himself!"
-- Lawler on Rikishi
"I don't know if Grand Master Sexay is trying to convince himself or Rikishi..."
-- J.R. as Grand Master, finding himself the only one left in the ring with Rikishi, tries to convince his dancing buddy not to attack
"Look at this arena! Madison Square Garden... get a shot of THIS! Look at these people!"
-- Lawler as Grand Master, Scotty Too Hotty (the next entrant), and Rikishi decide to dance for the moment, rather than fight
"I don't think they WANT to see a fight; they want to see them get down! Look at this! This is the ROYAL RUMBLE!"
-- Lawler as Too Cool and Rikishi begin dancing to a BIG pop
"What if you matched up HIS ass and Mae Young's breasts?"
-- Lawler, quivering at the thought, at ringside
"You know what? We've talked about your Kanes, and we've talked about your Big Shows... we've talked about the Rock, but I'm wondering, who can eliminate Rikishi? Do you think ANYBODY can?"
"I tell you what, I don't think one man's gonna do it..."
"It would take a CRANE to pick him up and throw him over the top rope!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Whoever survives out of THESE two is my pick to win the Rumble."
-- Lawler as Rikishi Phatu and Viscera square off in the ring
"You're right! Big Boss Man IS smart!"
-- Lawler as the Boss Man refuses to get in the ring
"I remember one year when you were surveillancing the outside of the ring and lasted for half an hour in the Royal Rumble!"
"Yeah?"
"So what's my point, right?"
"What do you mean, 'surveillance?'"
"You were undercover... under the ring, under the apron..."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Boss Man continues stalking around at ringside
"And here comes Test!"
-- J.R. as Test enters (did my ears deceive me, or did Test get a big-ass POP when he came out?)
"Bulldog, pound-for-pound, one of the strongest in the WWF, but Rikishi is a LOAD!"
"You got THAT right."
-- J.R. and a snickering Lawler as the Bulldog tries to put Rikishi over the top rope
"Look at Rikishi! His rear end has gone dead weight!"
-- J.R. as Rikishi does his best to keep from going over the top
"Hey, wait-- what the hell? They're back again!"
-- J.R. as Kaientai rushes the ring again
"Kaientai just won't take no for an answer! They are not in the Rumble!"
"Well, they HAVE been, twice already!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Taka went to the 203 area code on that one..."
-- J.R. as the replay of Taka landing face-first at ringside is shown
"Can you show us that poor Chinese guy, Taka Michinoku--"
"He's not Chinese, he's Japanese."
"Well, can we see him get thrown out by Boss Man one more time? That was entertaining!"
-- Lawler and J.R., as the folks backstage willingly cue up the clip
"What? What the-- my God, it's-- what the hell is Bob Backlund doing here?"
"Bob Backlund?"
"I thought he was running for Congress!"
"He is!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as former WWF champ Bob Backlund comes out as a Rumble entrant
"It took six men to eliminate Rikishi!"
"I TOLD you he wasn't going to win it."
"Right. It was down to-- your picks were Rikishi and Viscera. Remember that?"
"Who you picking, Bob Backlund?"
"Hey, anybody can win this thing!"
"He's running for office."
"In Connecticut."
"All YOU ever run for is dinner."
"What's wrong with that?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Rikishi gets eliminated
"Do they have any tanning beds in Connecticut?"
-- Lawler commenting on the lily-white skin of Backlund
"Here comes Crash Holly! Now, I'll tell ya what, stranger things could happen..."
"Even the ROCK picked Crash Holly!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Crash Holly comes strutting out
"Crash Holly"
-- sign in the crowd
"C'mon, J.R.; give it up for Boss Man!"
-- Lawler, trying to get J.R. to cheer for his latest pick
"You're right. I'm wrong."
"...Let me get my tape recorder out..."
-- J.R. and Lawler arguing over who has been in the ring the longest
"Your ass better CALL somebody!"
-- the crowd, getting into the Road Dogg's entrance
"He got hit in the south side of the dogg pound..."
-- J.R. after Road Dogg takes a hit below the belt
"We want puppies! We want puppies! We want puppies!"
-- chant from the crowd; this was odd because there were no women out at the time, but it turns out the chant was caused by a lady in the crowd preparing to disrobe
"Look at the Road Dogg's position... almost in a fetal position under the turnbuckles, holding on like he was hanging out an airplane door."
"He's laying there like a slug; his best natural defense! That's a smart tactics, actually."
"Going into the fetal position?"
"Well, as long as these other guys don't see you and you can just sorta hide under there."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Al Snow, unbalanced in more ways than one, on the top rope..."
-- J.R. as Al Snow nearly goes over
"I bet Prince Albert was smiling when he saw that match between Triple H and Cactus Jack, and they landed on those thumbtacks... that was a lot of piercings!"
-- Lawler
"Have you seen Albert's tongue? It's pierced; have you seen that?"
"I have not looked at his tongue or any other parts of his anatomy that closely, quite frankly."
"He told me that piercing didn't hurt, but then he showed me one that did!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Can you imagine if Mae Young had those--"
"Oh, God..."
"--puppies' noses pierced?"
"That's a visual I don't need right now!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"You know, if these cousins were smart-- Hardcore and Crash-- they would work together here and eliminate everybody, use a little teamwork; then when it just got down to the two of them, they could find out who is the toughest cousin."
"I don't think Crash is a valedictorian."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Boss Man has finally found the Road Dogg, and..."
"Road Dogg is still in the fetal position-- there he goes again!"
"Road Dogg right back on the bottom rope, with a death grip..."
-- J.R. and Lawler, chuckling as Road Dogg crawls back to his corner
"Couldn't Hardcore afford a full-sized cousin?"
"They say they're over four hundred pounds each, you know."
"That's condensed weight."
-- Lawler and J.R. on Crash Holly
"I love the strategy of the Road Dogg!"
-- Lawler as the D-O-double-G curls up again
"That's my new pick, J.R.! The Godfather! There's the winner of the Royal Rumble!"
"And Kane just eliminated Prince Albert! Prince Albert out, thanks to Kane!"
"Hooooooo train!"
-- Lawler and J.R.; J.R. is attempting to call the match as Lawler is enamored by the ladies
"Wait a minute!"
"Wait a minute, it's--"
"Look who's back in here!"
"For the love of Pete!"
"Love of Pete?"
"Funaki is back again!"
"Funaki, the little Chinese guy!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Well, Funaki's been eliminated, for about the eighth time tonight..."
-- J.R.
"Can we see Taka get eliminated one more time?"
-- Lawler, and the replay pops up again, much to his delight
"Oh, I love this! Watch the face, watch his head and his face-- boink."
"Taka's head snapped back there, and he's on his way to the hospital, as we mentioned earlier."
"Do they have some good Chinese hospitals here in New York?"
"Will you stop that?"
-- Lawler and J.R., watching the Taka elimination replay again
"Mr. Ass just eliminated the Road Dogg!"
"It's every man for himself!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Road Dogg gets thrown out (Mr. Ass is eliminated seconds later, and Kane beats them up all the way to the back)
"Oh my GOD! The Rock just put X-Pac in orbit!"
-- J.R. as X-Pac takes a hell of a bump over the top rope
"How did he even get back into the ring after that? He was eliminated with an exclamation point!"
-- Lawler, marveling as X-Pac illegally re-enters the match
"Oh, the Big Show's over! The Rock-- the Rock has won the Rumble!"
"WHAT?!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the Rock wins in a cool spot
"The Rock guaranteed a victory at the Royal Rumble!"
"He guaran-damn-teed it!"
"And the Rock has kept his word!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"29 Jabronis and then the Great One"
-- sign in the crowd
"Seeing as the Rock just won the Royal Rumble right here in New York City..." (big pop) "...the Rock can finally say, finally, the Rock, is going to WrestleMania!"
-- the Rock, post-match
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