Quotes: RAW is WAR
January 24, 2000
Live from the First Union Center in Philadelphia, PA - sold out
Hosted by Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Interview (in-ring)- Triple H/Stephanie McMahon/Big Show/the Rock. Hardcore Holly attacks Chyna backstage and Jericho rushes to her defense. Al Snow tries to find a suitable gimmick for Steve Blackman. Edge/Christian vs. Al Snow (w/ Head)/Steve Blackman; Edge gets hurt (work); Val Venis/B.B. come out. Chris Jericho vs. Hardcore Holly (Intercontinental title match), Chyna comes out. Interview- Hardy Boyz (w/ Terri)/Dudley Boyz. Too Cool vs. Crash Holly/Viscera. Kane/X-Pac relationship video review. Jonathan Coachman reports from WWF New York. Kane (w/ Tori) vs. X-Pac. New Age Outlaws vs. the Hardy Boyz (Tag Team title match), Dudley Boyz come out and put Terri through a table. Interview (in-ring)- Kurt Angle, Tazz comes out. Promo for WWF stars on the TV Guide covers for the week. Interview- the Rock. The Godfather/D'Lo Brown (w/ hos) vs. the Acolytes. WWF New York. Miss Royal Rumble winner crowning; cat fight ensues; Mark Henry comes out. Triple H and Big Show discuss strategy. Footage of Droz visiting the arena earlier in the day. Test vs. the Big Boss Man; Stevie Richards re-debuts. Report on Terri. The Rock/Rikishi Phatu vs. the Big Show/Triple H; Stephanie McMahon/New Age Outlaws/Cactus Jack come out.
"Coming off THE most physically intense and emotionally-draining Royal Rumble in WWF history, we welcome you to what is sure to be a momentous night of WWF RAW! Hello again, everybody; I'm Jim Ross, alongside Jerry "the King" Lawler. We are sold out in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and we welcome you!"
-- J.R., kicking us off as usual
"Too Many God Damn Signs"
-- sign in the crowd
"Look at him! Look at the Game! He's been through hell!"
-- Lawler as Triple H and Steph appear on the stage
"That was the most unbelievable, physically-intense WWF title match I personally have ever seen at the Royal Rumble between that man, Triple H, and the incomparable Cactus Jack!"
-- J.R. as Triple H makes his way down to the ring
"I bet the doctors STILL have not pulled all of the thumbtacks from the body of Cactus Jack!"
-- Lawler
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
-- chant from the crowd for Triple H
"Slut! Slut! Slut!"
-- chant from the crowd for Stephanie
"The World Wrestling Federation championship should never have to have been defended in such a demeaning manner, but Triple H being the true fighting champion that he is, sunk to Cactus Jack's lowest low and rose to the occasion to remain my champion, your champion, the Game, Triple H!"
"Stand up, J.R.! Standing ovation!"
-- Stephanie McMahon, plus a comment from an enthused Lawler
"Cactus Jack... I'm not out here to put you over; not by a long shot. But pal, you've gotta be the most sadistic freak I've ever stepped into the ring with in my life!"
-- Triple H
"Anaheim, California! April the second, ten weeks from now; WrestleMania 2000!"
"Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
"Yeah... the Rock. Versus the Game. One-on-one, for the greatest prize in the World Wrestling Federation that there is. Rock, you've got ten weeks. Get your ass in the best possible shape you can be in, because I will be at the top of my game, and we will battle, and I *will* leave Anaheim the man--"
"WeeEEEEEEeeelll..."
-- Triple H, chant from the crowd, and ultimately the Big Show's entrance music as he comes lumbering out
"I'm out here because a crime has been committed! Last night at the Royal Rumble, I was robbed! Listen, I'm a nice guy. I AM a nice guy, and I don't LIE! But last night at the Royal Rumble, yes, I did go over the top when I had Rocky on my shoulders. And everybody sitting in Madison Square Garden last night, and all the fans watching on pay-per-view, saw Rocky's feet hit the ground FIRST!"
-- the Big Show, doing a little whining and complaining
"If I can prove to you and to Stephanie, and to all of these fans, beyond a shadow of a doubt, true proof on film, that Rocky's feet did hit the ground first, you grant me a one-on-one match with the Rock, the People's champion! And the winner gets to go on to WrestleMania and face you."
-- the Big Show to Triple H
"Triple H, the Rock says this. Seeing as he just won the Royal Rumble, it officially makes your days as the WWF champion numbered! Translation: at WrestleMania, the Rock is just gonna kick your monkey ass!"
-- the Rock
"Seven feet, five hundred pounds... of whining, bitching, moaning--" (imitates the Big Show's protests and cries in a high-pitched voice) "'Oh, the Rock's feet touched the ground first!' Well the Rock says, it doesn't MATTER if the Rock's feet touched the ground first! The Rock says this-- it doesn't matter if the Rock's feet touched the ground; it doesn't matter WHERE the Rock's feet touched! The ground, the mat, or straight up your big fat candy ass!"
"Oh my God... this is not good. Calm down, Rock!"
-- the Rock to the Big Show, plus a comment from Lawler
"This ain't the NFL! There is no instant replay. The only thing that matters, right now, is the Rock has won the Royal Rumble, the Rock is going to WrestleMania, and the Rock stands before you, AND you, and even YOU, the People's champion."
-- the Rock
"Stephanie's a ho! Stephanie's a ho! Stephanie's a ho!"
-- chant from the crowd
"I've got to tell you, if it wasn't for Chyna, you'd be the undisputed Intercontinental champion! I'D do something about it; I'D go in there, but... I don't know, maybe you ain't got the sack..."
-- Crash Holly, ribbing on his cousin as the stand outside the women's locker room
"You pervert! You're that desperate that you've got to go in there? Let me explain something to you; it's called respect. You are gonna have it for me, and you are gonna have it for the other women in there."
-- Chyna, chewing Hardcore Holly out outside of the women's locker room
"COME ON, Holly!"
-- Jericho attacking Hardcore Holly after Holly punched Chyna
"Oh, cousin, that-- that didn't quite work out that well, but... it kinda worked out; I mean..."
-- Crash Holly laughing at Hardcore after Jericho beat him up (Hardcore then attacks Crash)
(Backstage, Al Snow and Steve Blackman are having a discussion)
AL SNOW: "I told you last week, we are a perfect unit! Now we've got to take it to the next level. We need a team name, and YOU need a little kicker, and I've been doing some thinking."
(Al rummages in a nearby bag and draws out a black cape)
SNOW: "Look... right now-- stick with me on this, okay? Just work with me." (puts the cape on Steve Blackman, who looks puzzled) "What we do is, we put the cape on you, right? It'll be perfect! You've already got the personality of a dead guy. This'll be terrific."
BLACKMAN (looking down at himself): "What the hell... is this?"
(Al Snow brings up a black wig)
SNOW: "What we do is, we put that on your head, okay?"
(Snow affixes the wig as Blackman stares at him)
SNOW: "Then you..."
(Snow finds a pair of plastic vampire fangs, which he puts into his mouth. He begins making growling noises. Blackman, annoyed, rips the wig off and throws it on the ground, then begins struggling out of the cape)
SNOW (concerned): "What? It's like Count Dracula!" (motions back and forth between himself and Blackman) "Head Count!"
BLACKMAN (staring openly at Al): "What... is WRONG with you?"
SNOW: "Okay. I take it from your reaction that you don't like it. I've got something better."
(Snow brings up a huge hunk of shrink-wrapped cheese and gives it to Blackman)
SNOW: "You carry cheese to the ring; I carry Head. Head Cheese, Head Cheese. What do you think?"
BLACKMAN (exasperated): "Hold it, hold it."
SNOW: "What?"
BLACKMAN: "Look, if you think I'm going out there and having people calling me Head Cheese, you're completely nuts."
SNOW: "We'll be over in Wisconsin!"
BLACKMAN (dropping the cheese hunk): "I don't give a damn about Wisconsin! Look, it's real simple here. You're Al Snow, and I'm Steve Blackman, the lethal weapon."
(Blackman stares as Al's eyes flutter closed and he starts to snore. Suddenly, he jerks awake)
SNOW: "Oh, I'm sorry; were you saying something? I fell asleep at the name for that team."
(Blackman glares at him)
SNOW: "Okay, I've got one more, I've got one more." (Al pulls out Hungry Hungry Hippos and taps the box) "What do you think? Head Games! Head Games!"
(Blackman heaves a long-suffering sigh and walks away)
SNOW (yelling after him): "That's NOT a no!"
"And he's got Head! So what do you think Blackman's going to have? I hope it's the cheese; I like Head Cheese!"
-- Lawler as Al Snow and Head go to the ring
"Blackman's got the personality of lint!"
-- Lawler
(Al Snow tags in Steve Blackman to face Edge)
LAWLER: "Listen; I actually hear a little "Head Cheese" chant trying to get started here!"
J.R.: "I haven't heard that."
LAWLER: "Listen!"
CROWD: "Head Cheese! Head Cheese! Head Cheese!"
LAWLER (laughing): "Head Cheese!"
J.R.: "You're encouraging people! That's not going to make Blackman very happy at all!"
LAWLER: "I *LIKE* Head Cheese!"
J.R.: "Why would you want to make Blackman mad? He's a little psychotic, you know! He has five or six years of his life that are unaccounted for!"
"Somewhere along the line, maybe during those four or five years, he had a charisma bypass!"
-- Lawler on Steve Blackman
"Blackman just dropped Christian face-first across the steps of the ring!"
-- J.R. (this move looked like it HURT)
"Blackman is not very gimmick-friendly, in my view..."
-- J.R.
"That almost took Edge's head off!"
-- J.R. as Al Snow performs a guillotine legdrop or something like that from the top rope
"There's the bell; what--"
"I need some help! Send the EMTs; send them down!"
-- Lawler and the ref as the match unexpectedly is ended when Edge fails to get up from Al Snow's legdrop (check out how quickly the crowd gets to their feet)
"What's she DOING?"
"Does he NEED mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?"
"Well, she thinks he does!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as B.B. performs CPR, to the delight of the crowd (the tension left as soon as she came jiggling down to the ring)
"Look at this; this is not a wrestling match, I guarantee ya! These guys are just flat-out fighting; they're slugging it out!"
-- Lawler as Jericho and Holly rip at each other
"Oooh, Holly and Jericho exchanging those knife-edge chops!"
-- J.R. as the battle continues
"Son of a bitch!"
"Whoa, man!"
-- Jericho and Lawler as Jericho begins trading stiff slaps across the face with Hardcore Holly
"These guys are slapping the taste out of each other's mouths!"
-- Lawler
"Jericho tied up in the ropes; Jericho can't defend himself here..."
-- J.R. as Holly takes advantage of Y2J's predicament to beat on his opponent, leaving himself open to a Chyna sneak attack from behind
"Chyna just pedigreed Hardcore Holly on the steel chair! Asai moonsault by Jericho! And Jericho is still the undisputed Intercontinental champion!"
-- J.R.
"Wait a minute! Chyna raising Jericho's hand; presenting him the Intercontinental championship belt! What's THIS all about here?"
-- J.R. as another fledgling alliance forms
"Last night was brutal, but now it's time to forget about the pain and think about the titles."
-- Jeff Hardy, woodenly, during an interview with Michael Cole
"Hardy Boyz! You know what you punks did to me and my brother? You kept us up all night last night, thinking about what you did to us at the Royal Rumble. You've done something that nobody else has done before, and that's beat us at our own game by putting people through tables, such as the Dudley Boyz. And as far as I'm concerned, you have taken the Dudley Boyz to the extreme!"
-- D-Von Dudley, busting in on the Hardy Boyz interview
"We'd like to shake your hand, and show you the proper respect."
"Respect back."
-- Buh Buh Ray Dudley and Matt Hardy, as they grip hands (their partners do as well); only problem is, when the Hardys try to pull away, the Dudleys jerk them violently back
"Remember this, punks... if, by some reason, you DO beat the Outlaws tonight for those WWF tag team titles... the Dudley Boyz get the first shot at them."
-- Buh Buh Ray, as the Hardys glare hatefully at the Dudleys
"Wait a minute; what's he doing, J.R.? He's coming out by himself? He doesn't have a partner?"
"He mentioned earlier that he might get his own partner."
"Who's it gonna be, that scale?"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Crash Holly comes out to face Too Cool
"This ain't cousin Hardcore."
-- J.R. as Crash's partner, Viscera, comes lumbering out
"Boy, if Viscera hit the mark there, there'd be nothing but a greasy spot left!"
-- J.R. as Viscera tries a squish-move on Grand Master
"I think that's why Hardcore doesn't have much hope for Crash."
-- Lawler as Crash Holly tries to go to the top rope but falls off; the crowd gets a good hoot out of it
"Can you imagine what's going through Kane's mind? He must be, like us, wondering what took place during the Christmas holidays behind closed doors--"
"No, no, no. First of all, he's not like us, J.R. Not at all. He's weird. But yeah, you're right-- he DOES wonder what went on behind closed doors because Kane's insanely jealous! I mean, he finally got a hot number like Tori to go for him!"
-- J.R. and Lawler, referencing the time Tori was forced to spend with X-Pac
"Oh, he got a camera man!"
"X-Pac just knocked a camera man down as he was thrown over the top rope by Kane!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as we are treated to a very cool image of X-Pac flying right towards us, then landing on us; we see the camera man's white tennis shoes as he focuses over himself on X-Pac, who is trying to figure out which way is up
"What is Tori doing in the middle of the ring?"
"She went there for safety, to distance herself from X-Pac!"
"Let's you and I go there."
-- Lawler and J.R. as Kane and X-Pac brawl at ringside
"Good God almighty! X-Pac just forced himself on that young woman!"
-- J.R. as X-Pac plants a kiss on Tori
"X-Pac may have just signed his professional death certificate!"
"It may have been worth it!"
-- J.R. watching X-Pac retreat from Kane, and Lawler watching Tori
"Outlaws on their way to the ring... X-Pac on his way out of town!"
-- J.R.
"Bring Back Vinnie Mac"
-- sign in the crowd
"Well, they told the Hardys, if they need any help, all they have to do is ask! I think they're just waiting for the Hardys to ask!"
-- Lawler as the Dudleys set up a table at ringside and sit down on it to watch the match
"ECW! ECW! ECW!"
-- chant from the crowd upon seeing the table
"...fat bastard!"
-- Mr. Ass, trash-talking Buh Buh Ray
"The Hardys are cooking! Senton bomb; can he hit it? It's over! God almighty, it's over!"
-- J.R. as the Hardys are on the verge of winning the titles, but the Dudleys interfere unexpectedly
"Those damn Dudley brothers! Those damn Dudleys!"
-- J.R. as the Dudleys perform 3-Ds on both Hardys
"The hell you doin'?"
"What the hell are YOU doin'?!"
"What are ya gonna do; ya gonna punch her in the face?"
"You damn right!"
"Why would you punch her in the face... when you could put her through a table?"
"...Testify!"
-- Buh Buh Ray and D-Von
"TERRI'S BEEN BROKEN IN HALF!"
-- J.R. screaming himself hoarse as the Dudleys put Terri through a table in the ring
"This is the most heinous thing I have ever seen perpetrated here in the WWF! Those damn Dudleys just powerbombed Terri through a table!"
-- J.R.
"You know... that kind of stuff should not happen; that's bad. But let me tell you something that's REALLY bad!"
-- Kurt Angle, heading to the ring as Terri is being taken off
"Last night at the Royal Rumble, your Olympic hero experienced something that he had never in his life experienced before. No, it was not defeat; not by any means! It was something much worse. It has to do with honor."
-- Kurt Angle, whining about his loss to Tazz
"Welcome Home Tazz!"
-- sign in the crowd
"We both know that that was an illegal hold, and--"
-- Kurt Angle; at this point, Tazz rushes him, puts the "illegal choke" Tazmission on him, and chokes him out again to a big pop
"ECW! ECW! ECW!"
-- chant from the crowd as Tazz leaves Angle lying again
"Listen, the Rock says this! You wanna know who the Rock's tag team partner is; well, you're looking at him! That's exactly who the Rock's tag team partner is! The Rock is gonna go right out there and beat both their jabroni candy asses by himself!"
"Michael Cole thinks he's Jim Gray all of a sudden..."
"I knew it! Can't find a partner!"
-- the Rock, plus comments from J.R. and Lawler
"I don't think you're wired for those hos."
"What?"
"You're a one-ten; I think they're two-twenties!"
-- J.R. and Lawler on the Godfather's ladies
"Bradshaw being admonished by referee Tim White..."
"THAT'll do some good."
-- J.R. and a sarcastic Lawler
"Let's welcome Luna! ...Hello, Luna. You stay over there."
-- Lawler, getting a little nervous when Miss Royal Rumble participant Luna comes snarling his way
"Mae, I just wanted to say... at least these flowers aren't wilted like those puppies you showed us last night!"
-- Lawler
"We want puppies! We want puppies! We want puppies!"
-- chant from the crowd
"I hope Mae doesn't get fired up and want to show us those shar-pei puppies again! I don't think my heart could stand it!"
-- J.R.
"I know what you people want to see now!"
"Oh Lord, Mae..."
"You want to see... my PUPPIES!"
-- Mae Young and J.R.
"I'm blind from seeing the old fart's puppies"
-- sign in the crowd
"M-A-E Y-O-U-N-G-!"
-- message written on the bare chests of nine brave men in the audience
"Mae Young: Playmate of the Year, 2000 B.C."
-- pair of signs in the crowd
"That's Stevie Richards, King! He's trying to gain some sort of identity!"
-- J.R. as Test beats up Stevie Richards, who is dressed up like Test and interfered in his match; he gets an okay pop
"The Rock's got a partner! The Rock's got a partner; it's Rikishi! I'm shocked! I think the ROCK is obviously shocked!"
-- J.R. as Rikishi Phatu heads to the ring
"Look at the record books! The bottom line is, the Rock got the official victory! The Big Show's got a grievance; he's got a bitch!"
-- J.R.
"Triple H lost several quarts of blood last night!"
"I don't know about QUARTS, but he lost a lot of blood."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Rikishi gets the tag in!"
-- J.R. as Rikishi gets a big pop
"It's Cactus Jack! Cactus Jack with a two-by-four!"
-- J.R. as Cactus runs (well, hobbles) down to the ring to even the odds up for the Rock and Rikishi against D-X and the Big Show
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