Quotes: SmackDown!
January 27, 2000
Taped 1-26-00 (delayed due to snow) at the Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, MD - sold out
Hosted by Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Al Snow continues to help Steve Blackman search for a personality. Mr. Ass vs. Al Snow. Stephanie McMahon and Triple H make plans and converse with the Big Show. Plug for TV Guides featuring WWF stars. Interview (in-ring): Cactus Jack/Stephanie McMahon. Hardcore and Crash Holly talk. Edge/Christian vs. the Dudley Boyz; the Dudleys put Edge and Christian through a table. Triple H comforts Stephanie as Kane demands a match. Viscera vs. Hardcore Holly; Crash Holly comes out. Kane (w/ Tori) vs. the Big Show; D-X comes out, Tori turns on Kane. The Godfather/D'Lo Brown (w/ hos) vs. Too Cool. Mark Henry/Mae Young come out. The Mean Street Posse and Tazz clash backstage. Gangrel (w/ Luna) vs. Test (Hardcore championship match). Mean Street Posse vs. Tazz; Kurt Angle comes out. Chris Jericho (w/ Chyna) vs. Crash Holly (w/ Hardcore Holly) (Intercontinental championship match). The Rock vs. Rikishi Phatu; Big Show/Triple H/Too Cool come out.
Note to readers-- due to technical difficulties, I missed the middle portion of this particular episode. I don't have the Kane vs. X-Pac match where Tori turns on Kane, and I don't have the beginning of the match with the Godfather. As soon as I get a complete copy, I will add in those quotes. Thanks!
"Three days ago on RAW, two strange alliances were formed! Triple H and the Big Show and Rikishi and the Rock! Are these two forces on a collision course tonight on SmackDown?"
"Welcome to the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, Maryland!"
"I'm Michael Cole with Jerry "the King" Lawler at ringside!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler, kicking us off
"Blizzard of Jericho"
-- sign in the crowd
"B.A. Billy Gunn out here by himself to kick off SmackDown; his partner, the Road Dogg from the New Age Outlaws, is sick with the flu."
"Oh, he's WAY under the weather. I felt really bad... maybe I should give him some antibiotics!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Mr. Ass shakes his rear at the crowd
"Now... Al Snow, if you think you've got a shot in hell of beating Mr. Ass, well, we still have two words for ya!"
"Suck it!"
-- Mr. Ass and the crowd
"Steve! Steve, did you hear the news? After I beat Billy Gunn tonight, we get a tag team title shot on Monday! What do you think?"
"Well, I'm glad to see you're finally concentrating on business."
"I *always* do!"
"No. Your last brainstorm had fifteen thousand idiots last Monday calling me Head Cheese!"
"Look... I know you didn't like the Head Cheese idea; that's why I've got a better one." (plunks a pair of rabbit ears on Blackman) "What do you think? Huh? Snow Bunnies! Better hop back, here come the Snow Bunnies!"
-- Al Snow and Steve Blackman
"Maybe Al Snow, with Head, could put an evening gown on Blackman. They could go as Head Dress!"
-- Lawler
"Billy Gunn was disqualified, which means Al Snow won the match! That means Al Snow and Blackman get a tag team title shot against the New Age Outlaws, live Monday on RAW!"
"Hey, wait a minute!"
-- Michael Cole and an offended Lawler
"These are pretty fuzzy."
"They're REALLY fuzzy!"
"Well, you can definitely tell who's me and who's Rocky!"
-- Triple H, Stephanie, and the Big Show as Show attempts to show proof of whose feet touched the ground first in the Rumble
"Why don't you go get yourself suited up there, Jumbo. You're going to be in action tonight."
-- Triple H to the Big Show
"He's armed for bear!"
-- Michael Cole as Cactus Jack heads to the ring, wielding a lead pipe
"Now, I may be Cactus Jack but I am no idiot! You see, there's about eight guys backstage who hate my guts, so I did not come out alone."
-- a grinning Cactus Jack, shaking his weaponry at the camera
"It doesn't really matter whether you win or lose, it's how you maim the Game!"
-- Cactus Jack
"You see, Triple H, you made some predictions, and they only halfway came true! You said my blood was going to stain New York City! Well, there *was* blood, and it *did* stain New York, but it sure as hell wasn't mine!"
-- Cactus Jack
"Triple H, I busted you wide open, and I made your face a crimson mask! And it was you, not me, that was flirting with unconsciousness! And when it was all said and done, the bottom line is, you looked like you just survived a trip through hell... and I looked like I just had a pretty good time."
-- Cactus Jack
"Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley on her way to the ring... and what is she doing coming out by herself, King?"
-- Michael Cole as Steph answers the challenge of Cactus Jack
"Slut! Slut! Slut!"
-- chant from the crowd
"You really are pathetic, aren't you? Trying to salvage your reputation after my husband, Triple H, beat you at your own game! And Triple H, he wanted to come out here! But we thought about it, and... why? He already proved that he is just as crazy, just as sadistic, and just as tough as Cactus Jack."
-- a smug Stephanie
"She's a crack whore! She's a crack whore! She's a crack whore!"
-- chant from the crowd
"I'll admit, your husband is a hell of a man. And taking a look at you, well, I've got to admit, you look like a hell of a woman! But I'm afraid there's not going to be an heir to the McMahon-Helmsley dynasty! You see, I'm not a doctor, but it seems like it would be a physical impossibility for you to produce an heir, seeing as how your husband has absolutely no testicles!"
"OH!"
-- Cactus Jack and Michael Cole after Stephanie slaps the hell out of Cactus
"My instinct right now, to be absolutely honest with you, is to slap the taste right out of your mouth! But instead, Steph, we're going to play a little game. It's called, "slap me again and find out what happens." Are you ready to play the game? Come on, Steph! I'm not asking you to slap me, Stephanie, I'm telling you! Lay it in, and find out what happens to YOU!"
-- Cactus Jack; Stephanie is frightened and manages to escape as the crowd pops big
"Terri, we hope you're feeling better and, Matt and Jeff, you're by her side and that's where you need to be."
"Tonight, we hope you're watching, because we're going to defeat the Hardys."
-- Christian and Edge in a pre-taped interview
"Tonight on SmackDown, Edge and Christian hope to avenge the attack on Terri at the hands of D-Von and Buh Buh Ray, just three days ago!"
-- Michael Cole as Edge (what the HELL is up with that awful hat?) and Christian hit the ring
"Terri, miraculously, suffered no broken bones, but she did suffer head, neck, and back trauma... Terri is an emotional wreck; she is emotionally distraught, she suffered whiplash-- I can tell you this, King, she ain't gonna be back anytime soon."
"Well, I'm worried she may *never* be back."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler, updating us on Terri's condition
"Did you see the look on Buh Buh Ray's face Monday night after he powerbombed poor Terri through that table?"
"Yeah... I mean, I don't know how to describe it. It was like, euphoric, or... almost orgasmic! He was out there, brother."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"He needs a stewardess to go with on a trip like that!"
-- Lawler as Christian suffers a huge back body drop at the hands of Buh Buh Ray
"I'm gonna tell you something... you may get the victory, occasionally, over the Dudleys, but you pay a hellacious price afterwards!"
-- Lawler as the Dudleys bludgeon Edge and Christian after the bell
"Can you imagine if Terri is watching this from her hospital bed? The thoughts which must be going through her mind?!"
-- Michael Cole as Buh Buh Ray dumps Edge on a table outside the ring
"And there's the look again!"
"D-Von, what the hell are you doing?"
"Get down, D-Von, get down!"
"Look at Edge..."
"Edge is bleeding from the mouth; Christian's out cold!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as D-Von leaps upon the announce table after Buh Buh powerbombs Christian through Edge and a table from the ring apron
"What were you thinking about? You can't just go out there and start slapping guys around!"
-- Triple H to Stephanie
"I want X-Pac, and I want him tonight!"
-- Kane growling at Triple H
"Well, Too Cool thought they had a victory in hand until five-hundred-pound Viscera sat on the head of Grand Master Sexay!"
-- Lawler recapping the events of RAW
"Now the Hollies are double-teaming Viscera! Hardcore and Crash... well, I guess family ties are stronger than tag team ties!"
-- Michael Cole
Kane/Big Show match quotes will go here...
"Look at Scotty's hair! Eat your heart out, Don King!"
-- Lawler on Scotty Too Hotty
"Hey, you know what, man? We can fight anytime! If partyin' is what ya'll want, then partyin' is what we're gonna do!"
-- the Godfather as he, D'Lo, and Too Cool give up their match to dance
"King, sit down! He doesn't want you!"
-- Michael Cole to Lawler as the hos hit the ring
"We have an announcement. Mae, you tell them."
"What? You passed away?"
-- Mark Henry, on the stage with Mae, and a hopeful Lawler
"I'm PREGNANT!"
-- Mae Young (check out the absolutely PRICELESS expressions on the faces of Too Cool)
"What will the KID look like?"
-- Lawler
(Backstage, the Mean Street Posse cracks up as they watch the replay of Mae Young's big announcement)
PETE GAS: "Oh my God..."
RODNEY: "That's disgusting!"
PETE GAS: "Do you realize what that baby's going to look like?"
(The Posse continues to laugh. Nearby, Tazz has stopped to watch the monitor briefly; he shakes his head and begins walking by. The Posse sees him)
JOEY ABS (to Tazz): "Hey, hotshot! What are you doing?"
(Tazz turns, glaring at them)
RODNEY: "Who are you?"
PETE GAS: "His name's Tizz or something! Tizz or Tezz..."
JOEY ABS (to Rodney): "What's this guy's name?"
RODNEY: "I don't know. Whatever!"
JOEY ABS: "Napoleon, that's a good one!"
(They continue to chuckle as Tazz begins to grin slightly)
RODNEY: "Listen here, tough guy! What, are we starting a short man's division in the WWF?"
TAZZ: "No, no, you got it wrong! It's a REAL man's division."
(The Posse just laughs and pokes each other)
TAZZ: "Well, maybe you guys ought to be a part of this "short" real man's division."
(The Posse gets excited by this)
PETE GAS: "Oh, you're saying you WANT one of us? Oh, yeah! Which one? Choose one!"
TAZZ: "No, not one. All three!"
(The Posse fall over each other laughing as Tazz stalks away)
"You know, maybe the Posse should learn to keep its mouth shut sometimes. They've challenged Tazz!"
"That's not fair! Three members of the Posse against Tazz? That's unfair odds! The Posse needs to go out and get about three more guys!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!"
-- Lawler as Test, in the loading dock, uses a piano to beat up Gangrel
"Tazz is a human fireplug!"
-- Michael Cole
"He almost took Rodney's head off with that clothesline!"
-- Michael Cole as Tazz attacks
"That may be the smartest thing Pete Gas ever did in his life!"
-- Lawler as Gas quickly taps to the Tazmission
"You know, cousin, now that we're back together, I hope you're not going to be jealous of me tonight."
"Why would *I* be jealous?"
"'Cause tonight, cuz, I'm going to do what you couldn't do. *I'm* going to win the Intercontinental championship."
-- Crash and Hardcore Holly
"Chyna's got a bazooka, King! Chyna is armed and dangerous!"
-- Michael Cole as Chyna brings out a new fireworks shooter, to the delight of the crowd
"Welcome to Baltimore... is... Jericho! And Hardcore, I don't blame you for being jealous of your cousin! I mean, I'd be jealous, too, if my cousin was Saturday morning cartoon superstar Elroy Jetson!"
-- Chris Jericho on Crash Holly, to a huge pop
"But with all due respect to you, Elroy, and to George and Astro as well, tonight I am going to give you a horrible, savage beating, that you will never..."
"EEEeeeever..."
"...forget!"
-- Chris Jericho to Crash, with some help from the crowd
"Y-2-J! Y-2-J! Y-2-J!"
-- chant from the crowd
"Look at this, Michael! My God! Is that a closeup of your face?"
-- Lawler as cameras zoom in on Rikishi's butt backstage
"Triple H and Stephanie want to make sure no other alliance, no other union becomes as powerful as the McMahon-Helmsley era!"
-- Michael Cole as Rikishi and the Rock are forced to square off
"Rock bottom-- wait a minute!"
"He couldn't do it! The weight was too much; I think the Rock's leg gave out!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as both men go down
"You think they've got a room big enough for Rikishi in the SmackDown hotel?"
-- Lawler
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