Quotes: RAW is WAR
January 31, 2000
Live from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
WWF Tag Team championship: New Age Outlaws (C) vs. Al Snow (w/ Head)/Steve Blackman. Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero/Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko (the Radicals) appear in the crowd and interfere, beating up the Outlaws before heading backstage. Radicals vignette backstage w/ their WWF representative, Cactus Jack. Kurt Angle promo (from stage). All three WWF Super Bowl commercials are shown. Big Show tries to show proof that he actually won the Royal Rumble, but Triple H demands video footage. Christian (w/ Edge) vs. D-Von Dudley (w/ Buh Buh Ray Dudley); Hardy Boyz run in. Handicap match: the Big Show vs. Too Cool. Rock interview. The Rock vs. Kurt Angle. After being approached by the Posse and the Dudleys, the Acolytes form the APA (Acolyte Protection Agency). Plug for Newsweek w/ WWF on cover. X-Pac (w/ Tori) vs. Chris Jericho (w/ Chyna). WWF Women’s championship: Lumberjill Snow Bunny match, the Kat (C) vs. Hermina (Harvey Whippleman); brawl breaks out. WWF NY. Handicap match: the Holly cousins vs. Viscera. WWF NY. Clips of interview with Steve Austin from Halftime Heat. Matt Hardy (w/ Jeff Hardy) vs. Buh Buh Ray Dudley (w/ D-Von Dudley and the APA); Edge/Christian run in. WWF championship: Triple H (C, w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. Kane; Radicals and Cactus Jack come out when Kane no-shows.
“We Want the Crippler”
-- sign in the crowd
“Rikishi’s Dance Coach” (w/ arrow pointing down at signholder)
-- sign in the crowd
“I Luv U Mae”
-- sign in the crowd
“Oh, You Didn’t Know?” “You Are Heels”
-- pair of signs at ringside
“Y’know, Sir William, these belts give us a certain style! All the while, sportin’ a smile, and kickin’ that shiz-up dog-gy-style!”
-- the Road Dogg, pre-match jawing (he’s a poet and we didn’t know it)
“Are ya down with that, King?”
“Of course!”
-- J.R. and Lawler on the entrance spiel of the NAO
(Backstage, Al Snow and Steve Blackman are preparing to head to the ring. Head looks on from a nearby perch.)
STEVE BLACKMAN: “All right, listen up. Now, I’m sick of all these names. Head Count, Snow Bunnies, and especially Head Cheese.”
(Hands clasped, Al listens with a look of much concern)
BLACKMAN: “Look, we have a chance to win the tag team titles tonight, so let’s concentrate and go out there and kick some Outlaw ass.”
AL SNOW: “All right, but… I’ve got one more. Snow Storm! Straight and to the point. What do you think?”
BLACKMAN (stretching): “Whatever.”
SNOW: “Okay, perfect! You’re going to need this…”
(Al brings out a child-sized, cartoon-covered umbrella and hands it to Blackman, who stares)
SNOW (digging around): “Take that, and…”
(Al drops a yellow raincoat over Blackman’s head)
SNOW: “You’d better bundle up, ‘cause here comes the Snow Storm!”
(Blackman rips off the slicker and throws the umbrella down, before turning to Al with a look of venom)
BLACKMAN: “Knock it off! I’m serious!”
(Blackman stalks off towards the ring. Al stares after him for a moment, then grabs something behind Head)
SNOW (holding up a big jockstrap): “You’re not open to Snow Balls? Steve? Steve?”
“When you’ve got somebody like Steve Blackman as your partner, you’ve GOT to have a gimmick to get over. I mean, let’s face it!”
-- Lawler as Blackman and Snow hit the ring
“Wait a minute… wait a minute… hey, wait a minute!”
“Look at this!”
“My God, that’s… that’s Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero; Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko!”
“What are they doing here tonight?”
“What the HELL is going on here?”
-- J.R. and Lawler as the WCW foursome come to sit at ringside
“Two Words For Ya… New Material”
-- sign at ringside
“I cannot believe this! Perry Saturn, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, and Dean Malenko, sitting at ringside on WWF RAW!”
“You’re about to have a stroke over it, J.R.! Are they not welcome here?”
“I’m not saying they’re not welcome, as far as I’m concerned… they don’t work here!”
“Well, I know that… we’ve got about nineteen thousand people that don’t work here sitting out in the stands!
-- J.R. and Lawler
“Al Snow… he’s crazy as a bed bug or a pet coon…”
-- J.R.
“Waitaminute, J.R.! You said these guys don’t work here!”
-- Lawler as the Radicals come in and beat up the Outlaws to a huge pop
“Security! Security!”
-- Lawler shrieking as the Radicals head backstage
“What’s it like to look out there and actually see people in the audience?”
-- Cactus Jack to the Radicals backstage
“These people should be down on their hands and knees WORSHIPPING this guy!”
-- Lawler as the crowd heaps heat upon Kurt Angle
ANGLE (striking a Rock-like pose): “Finally, your Olympic hero has come back to Pittsburgh!”
(major heat)
LAWLER: “What?! Did you hear THAT?”
J.R.: “And listen to the boos from Angle’s hometown fans!”
LAWLER: “That was a knock-off on the Rock!”
ANGLE: “And as you all know, I am still undefeated here in the World Wrestling Federation!”
(Angle lifts his hands to receive accolades, but gets booed stronger)
LAWLER: “In MY opinion he is!”
(faint “asshole” chant begins)
J.R.: “Well, he certainly has not ever been pinned here.”
ANGLE: “And tonight, I will face… the Rock!”
(crowd pops)
ANGLE: “Thank you, thank you.”
LAWLER: “People’s champion against the Olympic champion, J.R.! That’s a matchup!”
ANGLE: “And as history has taught us from our previous encounter, the People’s champion is no match for the Olympic champion!”
LAWLER: “Well, there you go.”
CROWD: “Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!”
J.R.: “We’ll find that out live here tonight… the Olympian and the Rock, one-on-one.”
ANGLE: “And since this town has very little to cheer about… I am officially naming myself your new hometown hero!”
(Angle expects more accolades but again receives heat)
LAWLER (wryly): “That’s mighty big of him.”
ANGLE: “And we all know it isn’t Mario Lemieux anymore! That’s right! But, if he had a little more courage, maybe he would still be playing hockey today, and he would be able to save the Penguins!”
(heat)
J.R.: “Can you believe what this… the AUDACITY of this young man. Knocking Mario Lemieux’s courage!”
(as the crowd boos, cameras catch a sign reading “Kordell Luvs Kurt Angle”)
LAWLER (seeing the sign): “Uh oh!”
ANGLE: “But do not worry! Where Mario left off… where Mario left off, I will gladly take over. And to start, tonight ,your Olympic hero will defeat the Rock for the SECOND time, right here in this ring, in front of his hometown fans!”
“It’s a Snow Bunny pit!”
-- Lawler
“This seems like YOUR problem more than mine. Beat their ass! Who cares?”
-- Triple H advising the Outlaws on their Radical problem
“What’s with your hair, Gomez?”
-- Triple H to Big Show on the Show’s new haircut
“I’ll bring you your video proof, and if you don’t give me what I want Thursday, I’m gonna take it right out of your face. Do you understand me?”
“Oh, I understand you.”
“Oooohhhh, you’ve got a problem?”
“Well, at least I’ve got a tall problem, all right? What have YOU got?”
-- Big Show to Triple H, Triple H’s retort, Mr. Ass leering at Triple H, and the champ with a subtle jab at the Radicals
“What’d you call the Dudleys?”
“The damn Dudleys. And I hope they get their asses kicked right here tonight…”
“J.R., calm DOWN!”
-- Lawler and J.R.
“Listen to all these teeny-boppers going crazy for Edge and Christian!”
-- Lawler on the female shrieks from the crowd after Christian gets the pinfall
“Who put those tables under there?”
-- Lawler as Buh Buh Ray pulls a pair of tables out from underneath the ring
“We’re the Mean Street Posse! I don’t know if you’ve heard about us down there, but we’re not to be… messed with! So, I don’t know if you guys got this, but… don’t mess with us!”
-- the Mean Street Posse, shortly before getting beaten up by the Radicals
“The Rock has but one thing to say to you.” (sing-song voice) “SOME-body got a HAIR-cut…”
-- the Rock to Big Show
“Go back to SuperCuts and get your five dollars back, jabroni!”
-- the Rock to Big Show
“Tazz Will Kill Everyone”
-- sign in the crowd
“What is wrong with you people? What is wrong with you? I was BORN in this town! I was born five blocks from here in Mercy Hospital!”
“It doesn’t MATTER where you were born!”
-- Kurt Angle and the Rock, taking turns on the mic mid-match
“You’ve gotta help us! Fifteen guys just beat us up!”
-- Pete Gas, referring to the Radicals and begging the Acolytes for protection
“Why America’s hooked on wrestling… more specifically, why they’re hooked on the WWF.”
-- J.R. on the Newsweek cover story on professional wrestling
“X-Pac, I am thrilled that you were able to hook up with Tori! I mean, for the first time in your entire life, you finally got to kiss a girl!”
-- Chris Jericho
“Tori’s a whore! Tori’s a whore! Tori’s a whore!”
-- chant from the crowd
“If it’s the women’s title, it’s gotta feature the Kat, right?”
“Exactly.”
“And you know what the Kat doesn’t wear, don’t you?”
“Mmm… you tell me.”
“No, you tell me! What does she not wear?”
“You know her better than me; I don’t know!”
“What’s she say?”
“It’s rumors; no underwear.”
“I’m not wearing any underwear, either!”
“Well, that’s… a LOT more information than I needed to know…”
-- Lawler and J.R.
“X-Pac may have the morals of an alley cat, but he is an amazing performer!”
-- J.R.
“Tori’s got the Intercontinental title belt! Oh, she just rapped Jericho in the back of the head with the Intercontinental title belt! …what a bitch.”
-- J.R.
“Sex! Yes!”
-- Lawler, looking forward to the Snow Bunny match
“We ain’t got no money on us… but we’ll write you a check!”
“A check?!”
“Okay, but listen. If that check bounces, so do you.”
-- Buh Buh Ray Dudley, Bradshaw, and Faarooq backstage
“She’s pure as the driven snow, too, but… sometimes she drifts.”
-- Lawler on the Kat
“Oh ,look at the little bunny tail!”
“Yeah, a little fuzzy tail on her.”
“I love the little tail!”
“I know you do, buddy.”
-- Lawler and J.R. on the Kat
“That is one of the UGLIEST women, between me and you…”
“Who, Luna?!”
“No, this challenger!”
-- J.R. and Lawler on Hermina
“Speaking of women, J.R., you were down talking with Stone Cold Steve Austin in San Antonio, weren’t you?”
-- Lawler
“You’re gonna have to be careful with all this name-calling! Elroy Jetson, the damn Dudleys--"
“Well, the damn Dudleys ARE the damn Dudleys… Crash Holly trying to make a dent in Viscera--”
“And what’d you call Tori earlier?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Started with a B! Started with a B!”
-- Lawler and J.R. during the Viscera/Holly match
“It’s almost like a sexual experience for this goof!”
-- J.R. on Buh Buh Ray’s habit of putting people through tables
“Terri, if you’re listening, I can come down there, and… I’m not milk, but I can do your body good!”
-- Lawler
“We’ve been thinking long and hard all night…”
“Be careful; there’s smoke coming out of your ears.”
-- Triple H and Eddie Guerrero
“Where is he? C’mon, where’s the big red retard?”
“Oh, come on…”
“Oh, excuse me! Well, you’ve talked about the damn Dudleys all night!”
-- Lawler and J.R.
“Slut! Slut! Slut!”
-- chant from the crowd, to Stephanie
“The Game is beside himself!”
-- J.R. after the Radicals beat Triple H up
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