Quotes: SmackDown!
February 3, 2000
Taped 2/1/00 from Detroit, Michigan – sold out
Cactuc Jack/Radicals interview (in-ring); D-X comes out. The entire women’s division attacks the stooges. Mark Henry/Mae Young vignette. WWF Intercontinental championship: Chris Jericho (C, w/ Chyna) vs. Gangrel (w/ Luna). Footage from Steve Austin interview, Halftime HeAT. Plug for Newsweek cover story on WWF. X-Pac (w/ Tori) vs. Dean Malenko. Henry/Young. X-Pac celebrates w/ D-X; Big Show receives match against Rock at No Way Out. WWF Women’s championship: Hermina (C) vs. Jacqueline. The Rock interview. Henry/Young. Kurt Angle interview (in-ring). Triple threat: Kurt Angle vs. Tazz vs. the Rock; Big Show interferes. New Age Outlaws vs. Eddie Guerrero/Perry Saturn. Head Cheese vs. Hardcore Holly/Crash Holly. Henry/Young. Rikishi Phatu (w/ Too Cool) vs. the Big Show; the Rock interferes. Highlights of recent “damn Dudley” antics. Henry/Young. Triple H (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. Chris Benoit.
“These idiots were thrown out of here Monday night! I can’t believe they’re back again! …the audacity.”
-- Lawler as Cactus Jack and the Radicals hit the ring
“These four great athletes are not after your blood! At least, not yet.”
-- Cactus Jack to Triple H, referring to the Radicals
CACTUS JACK (referring to the Radicals): “To fully understand what’s going through their minds right now, you have to know the mindset in Atlanta, Georgia, where they used to work!”
(BIG crowd heat)
LAWLER: “Yeah. I think failure has gone to their heads!”
“Will the Last WCW Employee Please Remember to Turn Off the Lights Before You Leave”
-- sign in the crowd
“No matter how good they were, no matter how good their matches were, they were not quite OLD enough for WCW!”
-- Cactus Jack (note Michael Cole laughing in the background and a couple of the Radicals applauding that)
“What the five of us are prepared to do is to turn SmackDown into a two-hour-long sitdown! We’ll pull up five chairs, and we’ll proceed to bore the living hell out of the American public!”
“You’ve ALREADY done that!”
-- Cactus Jack and Lawler
“The four of you may have been hotshots where you came from, but here in the World Wrestling Federation, you have to PROVE who you are; you have to earn your stripes!”
-- Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley to the Radicals, catching big heat
“Chris Benoit… the last time I saw you, you were the big fish in your small pond, standing in the middle of that ring, holding up a shiny belt, the standard-bearer. Well, tonight, if it comes to that, you, Chris Benoit, will get into the ring with the World Wrestling Federation’s standard-bearer!”
-- Triple H to Chris Benoit
“I know the way D-X works! They like to travel like a family. So just to make sure that everything is on the up-and-up and there is no outside interference, I’m going to be watching from backstage. And I’m going to have a two-by-four, and around that two-by-four… I will wrap about five pounds of grade-A, industrial-strength, razor-sharp barbed wire, and I am literally BEGGING you to give me a reason to come down here and use it!”
-- Cactus Jack to D-X
“He’s PSYCHOTIC, Michael!”
-- Lawler on Cactus Jack
“Shut up! Just shut up!”
-- Pat Patterson screaming at the entire women’s division backstage
“I want to be the women’s champion! And I can be; I can beat Harvey! I want to be the women’s champion!”
“Come on, you don’t need to be thinkin’ about fighting. You’re pregnant with our love child!”
-- Mae Young and Mark Henry
“I can feel the baby kicking!”
-- Mark Henry, hand on Mae Young’s stomach
“Look at Luna! She don’t want no part of Chyna!”
-- Lawler as Luna backs off a fallen Jericho when Chyna comes glaring over
“Later on SmackDown, the Big Show collides with Rikishi! Talk about beef in the ring…”
-- Michael Cole
“It doesn’t MATTER where Malenko’s from!”
-- Lawler (sounding like the Rock)
“I talked to the doctor, and he said when women go through pregnancies, they get hemharoids.”
“…He said what?”
“Hemharoids.”
“You mean hemorrhoids! Oh, honey, I already HAVE them!”
-- Mark Henry and Mae Young
“Look! Over the top goes Rocky, there I go, there it is! Feet ON the floor! Believe me, I went through hell and high water for that.”
-- the Big Show, displaying videotape proof that the Rock hit first in the Rumble; D-X reacts in amazement
“He is the World Wrestling Federation Women’s champion… Harvey Whippleman!”
-- ring announcer (how many times do you hear THAT?)
“This is stupider than Andy Kaufman!”
-- Lawler as Women’s champ Harvey Whippleman hits the ring
“Why would a man want to be the women’s champion?”
”Well, he dressed in drag to win it on Monday night.”
“I can understand why he would want to dress in drag, but why would he want to be the women’s champion?”
-- Lawler and Michael Cole on Harvey Whippleman
“Cut the music! I’m Harvey Whippleman, the World Wrestling Federation ladies’ champion! The reason I’m the women’s champion; there’s not a woman in the World Wrestling Federation that can beat me! There’s not a woman in the WORLD that can beat me, ‘cause I’m all man! I’m fixin’ to show you what I can do, ugly!”
-- Harvey Whippleman (last part directed to Jacqueline, his opponent)
“Please don’t do that; don’t take off the shirt—oh, spear from Jacqueline!”
-- Michael Cole as Whippleman disrobes; the crowd pops for Jackie’s attack
“She broke that wimp Whippleman like a biscuit! He’s embarrassed every man in the world!”
-- Lawler after Jacqueline wins in about ten seconds
“On to tonight; on to the triple threat match; Kurt Angle and Tazz. Well, the Rock says this—going two-on-one with the Great One is gonna make both your candy asses famous! And Rock says this. Triple threat match, quadruple match. Three-on-one, four-on-one, eight-on-one, call 9-1-1, six one way, half a dozen the other—oh, right up your candy ass!”
-- the Rock going on a tear
“If there was ever a town that could relate to losing, it’s Detroit, Michigan! Whether it be jobs at the factories, or even the Stanley Cup playoffs last year, you people have had your share of setbacks and losses.”
-- Kurt Angle
“This guy, Tazz, is nothing more than a glorified street thug!”
-- Lawler
“One good thing—at least Saturn and Guerrero can tell their grandkids later on someday that they DID get to be in the same ring with the greatest tag team in the history of the WWF! They’ll be able to say they had a cup of coffee in the WWF!”
-- Lawler
“Why should Cactus Jack even care?”
“He’s friends of theirs!”
“Oh yeah, right! Cactus Jack doesn’t have any friends! When he dies, he’ll have to rent mourners!”
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
“I tell you what, guys… I feeling a little bit magnanimous tonight.”
“That’s a big word!”
“It IS a big word; I’ll tell you what it means later. I’m feeling a little bit sporting, so I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna give Benoit a match anyways. I’m gonna show that none of them can cut the mustard here!”
-- Triple H and D-X backstage
“Man! Al Snow and Steve Blackman, the Lethal Cheddar!”
-- Al Snow, after convincing Blackman to wear a cheese head
“Head Cheese! Head Cheese! Head Cheese!”
-- chant from the crowd
“Look at the emotion on the face of Blackman… ha!”
-- Lawler poking some fun at the Lethal Cheddar
“Oh my God; what is that? Is that a… a baked potato?”
-- Lawler on Rikishi’s rear end
“Reinforce the ring!”
-- Lawler, preparing for the upcoming match between Big Show and Rikishi
“Look at the size of that rump…”
“Rikishi a tremendous athlete; weighs well over four hundred pounds--"
“Three hundred and fifty of it is ass!”
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
“There he is, Michael! Chris Benoit in his first, and his last, ever, WWF match.”
-- Lawler as Benoit heads towards the ring
“She’s a crack whore! She’s a crack whore! She’s a crack whore!”
-- chant from the crowd, directed towards Stephanie
“I’ll give him a little credit, sure! I mean, you know, he’s… all right. He ain’t gonna work here!”
“All right? He’s one of the top superstars in the world, King!”
“Well, Stephanie said he was mediocre. He’s average.”
-- Lawler and Michael Cole on Chris Benoit
“TRIPLE H JUST TAPPED OUT OF THE CRIPPLER CROSSFACE!!”
“Will you calm down and shut UP?!”
-- Michael Cole and a distraught Lawler
“Get the brooms out, Michael! It’s a clean sweep! Oh yeah, get the resumes out ,boys!”
-- Lawler celebrating after Triple H gets the pinfall on Benoit
“King, Benoit had this match won! Triple H tapped out of the Crippler Crossface; you saw it plain as day!”
“I saw no such thing!”
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
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