Quotes: RAW August 2, 1999
"Without Vincent K. McMahon, there would be no Stone Cold Steve Austin! There would be no Rock!"
"There would be no J.R., either."
"There would be no Undertaker, no Big Show, no Triple H, no Chyna, no Kane, no X-P-A-C, no Road Dogg, no Mr. Ass, and the list continues to go on and on. Hell, without Vincent K. McMahon, there would not even be Ted Turner's "Dubbaya-See-Dubbaya Wrasslin!" Nor their entire roster, many of which Vince created a long, long time ago."
-- Shane McMahon telling it like it is (comment from Lawler in there, too)
"Gangrel looks like a casualty of war here..."
-- J.R. after Gangrel's face is cut by a chair shot from Edge
"Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this: if the Rock hits you, he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours, jabroni!"
-- the Rock
"You're not even listening to me, are you; do you hear me at all?"
-- a frustrated Road Dogg trying to talk with Kane backstage
"That bloodbath is symbolic in the gothic world, J.R.; do you have any idea what it means?"
"I really don't, King."
"Well, I'll tell you this... tonight RAW is brought to you by.. (etc.)"
-- Lawler and J.R., with Lawler making less sense than usual
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
"I appreciate the compliment; however, I'm not deserving, quite yet, of that accolade."
-- the crowd and Shane McMahon
"It's Al Snow and his dog Pepper... or is it Pepper and his friend Al Snow? Who's in charge there, anyway?"
-- Lawler
THE ROCK: "If you smeeeell what the Rock is cooking!"
LAWLER: "Well, I smell something, but I still think it might be Rock's big cellulite ass!"
J.R.: "Oh, please."
LAWLER: "Did you see it?"
(cameras switch backstage, where Mark Henry is warily eyeing a plate of health food before him)
LAWLER: "Speaking of cellulite..."
"Used to be Ken Shamrock was the world's most dangerous man, but now he's the world's most dangerous speed bump!"
-- Lawler
"You either nut up or shut up!"
"Is he-- is he coming DOWN here?"
"Holly must have lost his mind..."
-- Hardcore Holly, Lawler, and J.R. as Holly challenges the Acolytes
"Show it!"
-- Lawler encouraging Bad Ass Billy Gunn to drop his shorts
"Speaking of dogs, some might say I'm dumber than one coming down here! Well, I ain't too lean, I wear neon green, and at my side I got that big red machine!"
-- the Road Dogg to the Undertaker and the Big Show
"The rattlesnake is rattled!"
-- Lawler on Austin's decision to make his title defense no-holds-barred
"A man of unbelievable physical attributes, extreme mental accumen, a superior mental intellect, a man of unquestionable character, and a man that possesses balls the size of grapefruits!"
-- Shane McMahon on his father
"If I were you, Stone Cold, I would exit stage left!"
-- Lawler to Austin as UT and TBS come out
"Here comes Gangrel; again, we know of all the bad blood, no pun intended, that exists between Gangrel and Edge..."
-- J.R.
"What about Triple H? You didn't even mention Triple H!"
"I've tried to forget him since last Monday night, but yes, the #1 contender is expected to be here as well."
"How could you forget him; he's the one that knocked your lights out!"
"Thanks for helping."
"If he'd have hit you one more time, J.R., I'd have been all over him."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Oh! Get out of the way, referee!"
Lawler to the referee in the IC vs. Euro title match
"What's going to happen now that the head of the corporation has been severed?"
"Good question... what IS going to happen?"
"You better shut up; look at him looking at you!"
-- Shane, J.R., and Lawler as Shane glares at J.R.
"All right, Hardcore! Which one of us do you want to hand you your ass?"
-- Bradshaw to Hardcore Holly
"Get the car, Steve; get the car!"
-- Lawler advising Blackman after he is attacked by Shamrock
"At Summerslam, it's Mr. Ass, the premiere, the primo, the perfect ass, versus the People's Ass!"
-- Bad Ass Billy Gunn, referring to the Rock
"Gangrel can get gothic on you very, very quickly, and aggressively."
"I like that, get gothic on you... get gothic on him, Gangrel!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Those puppies right there... look at their pink little noses!"
-- Lawler referring to Debra's puppies
"Bob... what are you DOING?!"
-- the Big Show to Hardcore Holly, after Holly takes out the Acolytes with a baseball bat
"This is SUPPOSED to be the Undertaker's title match!"
-- Lawler lamenting as the ring fills up
"Let me make it perfectly clear to you, Test-- you STAY AWAY from my sister!"
-- Shane McMahon
"We're going to see Rock naked? Is it on the Titan-- OH MY GOSH!!"
"Oh, Lord..."
"It IS the Rock's ass!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Bad Ass Billy Gunn puts video of a 300-plus-pounder's naked rear end on the Titantron and claims it to be the Rock
(if you happen to have this one on tape, watch Chyna's reaction when the video goes on the screen!)
"If you tell the Rock to haul ass, he has to make two trips!"
-- Lawler, still referring to the Titantron footage
"One thing you don't want to do, folks, is let Steve Blackman be the designated driver!"
-- J.R., referring to Blackman running Shamrock over last week
"We're standing, you're standing-- fight ain't over!"
-- Bradshaw to the Undertaker and the Big Show
"Bloodbath, bloodbath, bloodbath! Hey, get the blood!"
"Shut up, Lawler!"
-- Lawler and Gangrel during Gangrel's bloodbath match
"Hey Jeff, so much for being the greatest Intercontinental champion of all time!"
-- Terry Taylor to Jeff Jarrett
"The entire world knows that that's not the great one. But the Rock says, he's going to let the cat out of the bag, and he's going to let the truth be told; for that is video footage, not of the Rock, but of your fat ass mama!"
"I can't believe he's talking about your mother that way..."
-- the Rock to Bad Ass Billy Gunn, plus an in-ring comment Chyna makes to BABG
"I didn't know Ken was standing behind that car when I backed up!"
"See there? See?"
"I don't need a car to kick that sorry bastard's ass!"
-- Blackman and Lawler
"Holly is about as limp as a dishrag here at the hands of the Acolytes."
-- J.R.
"Look at Paul Bearer's face... looks like a well-kept grave!"
-- Lawler
"...It's going to keep going until it's just me and you. After that, Shane-o, all the problems are going to be gone, because Stephanie is going to be an only child!"
-- Test to Shane McMahon
"He is a freak of nature!"
"A WHAT?!"
"He's a--"
"Oh, I'm telling!"
"Look at him; he's--"
"I'm telling!"
"Seven feet two..."
"I am gonna TELL HIM, that you called him a freak!"
-- J.R. and Lawler on the Big Show
"Gangrel just got that chair wrapped around his face!"
"I see blood, all right!"
-- J.R. and Lawler after Edge clobbers Gangrel with a steel chair
"Holly thinks he's a big shot; *I* think he's delirious!"
-- J.R.
"You can kiss my royal ass!"
-- Bad Ass Billy Gunn
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