Quotes: Summerslam August 22, 1999
"It's all about impact, Harold, impact!"
"It's Howard."
"Whatever!"
-- Chris Jericho and Howard Finkel backstage
"Nice tie; thirteen cents. Don't look at the tie; look at the ROCK!"
-- The Rock to Michael Cole during an interview
"Do I put this on?"
"I guess, if you're going to do commentary. I don't know if it'll fit over your weave or not... you got more extensions than AT&T!"
-- Road Dogg and Jerry "the King" Lawler as RD joined JR and the King to offer commentary on the Hardcore title match
"I believe in X-Pac; I believe in Sean Waltman!"
"Yeah, and I bet you believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny too."
-- Jim Ross and Lawler
"There's a lot of media saying that I'm a disgrace for being here. But I'll tell you this-- I'm proud I'm a wrestler, I'm proud I was a wrestler, and I'm proud to be here tonight!"
-- Jesse "The Body" Ventura
"Oh, I thought maybe there was a guillotine or something up there."
-- Lawler on the weapons available in the Lion's Den match
"I'll never forgive X-Pac for making that idiot Kane a human being!"
-- Lawler
"What these people don't realize is that you're probably dyslexic, and when you say "Suck it," you're really trying to say, "It sucks," because one thing is for sure-- D-Generation X sure sucks, and the Road Dogg most definitely sucks!"
-- Jericho getting under RD's skin
"Why would Stone Cold walk away from Jesse Ventura?"
"Because he's Stone Cold."
-- Lawler and JR
"This is suicide!"
"Shane!!"
"Son of a-- Jesus!"
"Ack!"
"God Almighty!"
-- JR and Lawler on Shane's flying elbow drop from the top rope that puts Test through the Spanish announcer's table
"There's a lot of sexual energy going on over there between Mankind and Chyna!"
-- Lawler
"Motherf-- (you can fill in the rest)"
-- what the Rock appeared to be saying after getting slammed into a corner by BA Billy Gunn
"They're fighting like hell, King; I'm glad I ain't in this one!"
-- Road Dogg on the Hardcore title match
"Another arrogant cover!"
"That's twice you've said that."
-- JR and Lawler on the Acolytes
"Looks like they've brought in another camera to try and document this."
"I feel like I'm watching that Blair Witch movie!"
-- JR and Lawler on the shaky picture delivered from a running cameraman during the Hardcore title match
"Blackman sucks! Blackman sucks!"
-- crowd chant during the Lion's Den match
"Ow!"
"I'm sorry."
-- Tori and Ivory during their title match (that's what it sounded like, anyway)
JERICHO: "Look at the boring list of matches featuring a bunch of useless performers, the worst of which is standing in the ring right now! I mean, Road Dogg, don't you get it? Don't you understand? Nobody cares about you! Listen to this embarrassingly silent reaction that these people are giving you right now!"
(the crowd cheers and the Road Dogg grins up at Jericho)
JERICHO: (taking credit for the applause) "Thank you, thank you."
"Can I tell you one thing? Nobody gives a damn about where he played college football, or what football team he played for! All they care about is what he can do here in the WWF!"
-- Lawler to JR on Droz
"Nice pajamas."
-- Lawler on the Road Dogg's ring attire
"That's for your old man, you little bastard!"
-- Ventura after throwing Shane McMahon out of the ring
"Look, it's the Posse! What's... what's left of the Posse."
-- Lawler
"JR, you and King call it from back there! The rovin' Road Dogg's gonna get in on some of this!"
-- Road Dogg chasing after Snow and Bossman
"We may need an air traffic controller!"
-- JR on the Hardy Boyz/Edge & Christian matchup
"The Body is ejecting Chyna from ringside!"
-- JR as Jesse lays down some authority during the main event
"You're scared, great! You can stay back here, then! But remember-- Head would've went with me to the ring!"
-- Al Snow to Pepper backstage
"What a back body drop! Shane McMahon was in another time zone there!"
-- JR on the Test vs. Shane fight
"What is it about the Rock? What is it about the Rock that makes these fans go nuts? They love him!"
"Well, King, if you knew your damn role you'd know the answer to that question!"
-- Lawler and JR
"Asshole! Asshole!"
-- HUGE chants from the crowd for Jarrett
"There's the cover... and Ventura's not going to count it! Jesse says, "Hell no! You're not going to win it that way!"
-- JR on Ventura's refusal to count after Triple H uses a chair
MUSIC: What does everybody want?
CROWD: Head!
ROAD DOGG: Head!
JR: Al Snow leaving--
ROAD DOGG: Head!
JR: --Pepper out of harm's way, apparently.
MUSIC: What does everybody need?
CROWD: Head!
ROAD DOGG: Head! Should I keep saying that?
LAWLER: Is that you that keeps saying Head?
"The fact is, there ain't an ass-whuppin' that's ever been dished out that I can't take and get back up from! And 'Taker, Kane and I, we're closer than you've ever been, and boys, that's what's going to make you underdogs tonight."
-- X-Pac
"You can smell what the Rock is cooking, ladies and gentlemen; you can smell that victory! The proprietor of the Smackdown Hotel, bloody nose and all!"
-- JR on the Rock after his "Kiss My Ass" victory
"The puppies have reappeared!"
"Brought a smile to your face, King."
"It'll have to be surgically removed!"
-- Lawler and JR on Debra
"Gentlemen, this goes to the winner. I sure hate to trouble ya, but tomorrow night, I'm gonna get my belt back on that R-A-W!"
-- Road Dogg to the Hardcore match winner
"I told you Shamrock wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer! He's got a weapon in his hand and he throws it out!"
-- Lawler
"Why don't you shut up, bitch?"
-- Road Dogg to Jericho
"If the Big Show and the Undertaker are true to form, they're going to isolate one of these two men. I've got to believe it's going to be X-Pac."
"Well, duh."
-- JR and Lawler during the Tag Team title match
"Where are the puppies going?!"
-- Lawler after Jeff Jarrett sends Debra backstage
"They're tougher than a three-dollar steak."
-- JR on the Acolytes
"Jericho's coming to save Summerslam!"
"He's coming to interrupt the Road Dogg, it looks to me like."
"Maybe he'll bring the Road Dogg a pair of pants."
-- Lawler and JR on Chris Jericho's entrance
"Don't be ridiculous. It is *not* one of the signs of the Apocalypse when he starts quoting lines from Judy Garland. Now, when he starts singing like Ethel Merman, then you've got to worry."
-- Al Snow to Pepper on the Big Bossman
"The Lethal Weapon now is getting his oil checked!"
-- JR after Shamrock knocks Blackman down
"Hey, that's a shot of the Posse!"
"Oh! There's glass everywhere!"
"That WAS a shot of the Posse."
-- Lawler and JR after Shane breaks a framed picture of the MSP over Test's head
"I wonder who in the hell this young man thinks he is?"
-- JR on Jericho
"I hope you people have your VCRs going; JR just said 'I don't know!'"
"Well, I could be like you and just make something up!"
-- Lawler and JR
"You sound like a male chauvinist pig!"
"That's what Chyna calls YOU."
-- JR and Lawler
"Once again, the good news for Edge and Christian is they won, but looking at their opponents, the bad news is they won!"
-- Lawler
JERICHO: "You think you can come out here and impress people by spelling your name R-O-A-D D-O-double G? You want to impress me? Spell "lugubrious."
ROAD DOGG: (off the mic but you can read his lips, to someone at ringside) "Spell what?"
"Forget fatigue; they're gonna be squashed!"
-- Lawler on Edge and Christian's attempted defense against Viscera
"Kane intercepted X-Pac!"
"He lifted him right out of the Undertaker's arms!"
-- JR and Lawler, as Kane rescues X-Pac from a chokeslam
"Oh, this is personal. It's damn personal."
-- JR on the match between Test and Shane McMahon
"I'll give it to you that X-Pac has the heart but he just doesn't have the power to hang with the Undertaker and the Big Show, JR; face the facts!"
-- Lawler
"You don't hear Austin crying about it! He's not going to whimper or moan!"
"Well, he might. He's going to whimper and moan if he loses that WWF title!"
-- JR and Lawler
"There's Stephanie McMahon, back in our tech area..."
"Hey! Stephanie, that's not funny!"
-- JR and Lawler on Steph, who is watching on a monitor backstage and laughing as Test tumps her brother and the Posse over a couch
"The Road Dogg, leaving us..."
"He didn't stay long! Wore out his welcome, though."
-- JR and Lawler
"The Acolytes know one speed and they know one direction-- full speed, straight ahead."
-- JR
"I'm almost scared to say this, because I'm scared you might take me up on it, but I've got two words for you: suck it!"
-- Road Dogg to Jericho
"What do you think's gotta be going through the mind of X-Pac right now? He's more nervous than a pizza on its way to Paul Bearer!"
-- Lawler before the Tag Team title match
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