Quotes: SmackDown! September 30, 1999
"It's time for SmackDooooowwwwnnn!"
-- some dumb ass from "Shasta McNasty," the show responsible for this week's SmackDown! being cut to ninety minutes
"Droz, was making a name for yourself puking on D'Lo Brown on national TV?"
"Hey, whatever it takes."
-- Michael Cole and Droz during the Big Show/D'Lo match
"Lillian Garcia... I should have tried to break your vocal cords instead of your leg!"
-- Jeff Jarrett
"This one's over; hook to the leg..."
"Hey, he got quite a round of applause there!"
"The Rock is clapping for Triple H's pedigree!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler, as the Rock skirts his referee duties
"Every week now, you going to find a new way to screw me?"
-- Triple H to Vince McMahon
"Well, we've been joined here at ringside by... the puppies! Ha! I mean, Terri Runnels; I'm sorry."
-- Lawler draped all over Terri's chair
"I'm a sex addict. Hey, it's not funny!"
-- Mark Henry
"When Bradshaw hits you, it'll usually knock you out... unless you're Kane!"
-- Lawler
"You want this jacket, boy? You're going to have to come and g-g-g- (gets smacked on the back of the head by D-Von) get it! Freak."
"You challenging me? You don't want none of me!"
-- Bubba Ray Dudley and Mankind backstage
"Wait a minute; these are all the women Jeff Jarrett has put the figure four on!"
"Why don't you ALL come down here? I'll put you all in your place!"
"Miss Kitty's asking Jeff what he's doing because here they all come!"
"Looks like the million-woman march here!"
-- Lawler, Jarrett, and Michael Cole as all of Jarrett's victims arrive for some payback
"Bischoff Will Ref For Food"
-- huge sign in the crowd; funny how the WWF camera guys decided to focus in on that one
"Do the Outlaws meet the weight requirements?"
"Yeah, if both of them get on the scale together."
-- Michael Cole and Hardcore Holly on the New Age Outlaws
MANKIND: "Val, I know what you got in your pants, and I want it."
(Val's eyes go wide)
LAWLER: "WHAT?!?"
MANKIND: "Wait, let me make that a little bit clearer. I know what you got in your pants, and dammit, I need it."
MICHALE COLE: "Wait-- wait, wait a minute here..."
LAWLER: "He's going to have to get in line, actually!"
MANKIND: "Oh, so now you're going to be shy... I'll tell you what I'll do. I will turn my back; just whip it out and give it to me!"
LAWLER: "Holy mackerel!"
MICHAEL COLE: "This is your life, Mick Foley!"
VAL VENIS: "Mick, turn back around and look at me! The Big Valbowski NEVER swings that way!"
MANKIND: "Let me describe it for you, okay? It's about this long... (holds hands a foot apart)"
LAWLER: "What?!"
MICHAEL COLE: "How does HE know?"
MANKIND: "It's white, and its got a big, beautiful head on it."
(Lawler cracks up)
MICHAEL COLE: "Wait; wait a minute..."
MANKIND: "I'll tell you what, dammit! Either you reach into your pants, you whip it out, and you place it in my hand..."
MICHAEL COLE: "Mick, this is network TV!"
MANKIND: "Or so help me, I'll reach into your pants, I'll whip it out, and I'll stick it in your damn mouth!"
LAWLER: "WHAT?!?"
"Hey Droz, no disrespect but I think Prince Albert may have a screw loose, messing around with a guy of that size."
"Screw loose? You mean all those piercings he wears?"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Prince Al goes after The Big Show
"Didn't you learn a couple of weeks ago that the place for a woman is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant?"
-- Jeff Jarrett to Cindy Margolis
"Hey, wait a minute! Ack!"
-- Lawler screaming as he is attacked by the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young
"Close your eyes, and I'll give you a surprise!"
"Look at Mankind..."
-- Val Venis to Mankind and a comment from Lawler; Mankind is using the Rock's coat and Mr. Socko to cover up his eyes (he's acting about seven years old)
"The King here says that you can't be a fair referee in this matchup."
"The King knows better than that. The Rock would be REALLY fair if he sticks his boot straight up your monkey ass."
-- Michael Cole and the Rock
"I'm going to slap the taste out of your mouth, Michael Cole; you big liar! What are you trying to do to me tonight?"
-- Lawler after Michael Cole's comment to the Rock
"It's the Bulldog! The bulldog! The bulldog!"
-- Michael Cole sounding like a skipping record
"Looks like we're going to kick off SmackDown! doggy-style..."
-- Lawler as the New Age Outlaws enter
"Michael Cole, Road Dogg is fixing to be roadkill if you know what I'm talking about."
-- Hardcore Holly
"You've been busted!"
"How embarassing for Val..."
-- Mankind to Val Venis and a comment from Michael Cole after Val realizes Mankind's comments referred to Mr. Rocko, not the Big Valbowski
"X-Pac now in the ring; look out! He's going to be riding them cowboy in Richmond!"
-- Michael Cole as X-Pac prepares to hit the bronco buster on Bubba Ray Dudley
"Well, you know what happened on RAW this past Monday night. Terri and the Posse were caught on GTV!"
"Yeah, I was thinking that maybe instead of the Terri Runnels Invitational, she could call this the Ryder Cup!"
"Why?"
"You can't figure that out?"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Terri heads out to offer commentary on the "Terri Runnels Invitational Tournament" pitting the New Brood against Edge and Christian
"Here comes the People's Elbow!"
"And there go the sunglasses..."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Rock, finding himself without an elbow pad, chucks his sunglasses into the crowd while preparing for the People's Elbow
"The Dudley Boyz ripped the damn jacket!"
"So much for the Rock 'n' Sock Connection."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Dudleys destroy the Rock's jacket
"Jeff Jarrett's getting his tonight!"
-- Michael Cole as all the women Jarrett has assaulted attack him with a variety of household objects and chase him backstage
"X-Pac's in trouble; it looks like he's already bleeding from his mouth."
"Well, you know what they're dong; they're singling him out again, King. Just because X-Pac and Kane have been reunited, I guess I doesn't mean that other teams aren't going to go after what might be considered the weak link of the team in X-Pac."
"I'm glad you said it, because I was fixing to say it. Just because X-Pac and Kane are back together doesn't mean that X-Pac isn't still the weak link."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
"The Rock wants Mr. Rocko back, and he wants him right NOW!"
-- Mankind lunging for the pants of Val Venis
"What's left of his jacket; what's left of his testicular fortitude..."
"Not much."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler on a fallen Mankind
"He's not even looking over here! You've got to yell some stuff at him!"
-- Lawler encouraging Droz and Prince Al to insult D'Lo Brown
"Who in the hell is Val Venis?"
-- the Rock
"One little fly in the ointment, Terri, is the fact that Matt and Jeff Hardy, the New Brood, are already sort of connected with Gangrel... but I'm sure they'd drop him like a bad habit if you were offering your services!"
"I would think so, King."
"I know I would!"
-- Lawler and Terri on her little "tournament"
"The New--"
"Age Outlaws!"
"Whoa..."
"They finished it without the Dogg!"
-- Road Dogg, the crowd, Michael Cole, and Lawler as the crowd takes it upon themselves to finish the NAO's entrance schtick
"There was one man who tried to poop on our party by taking something that did not belong to him!"
-- Mankind, referring to Val Venis stealing Mr. Rocko
"I'm not going to help you! You brought it on yourself!"
-- Michael Cole to Lawler as Lawler is attacked by Moolah and Young
"Mankind ought to face it. He's a huge mark for the Rock, but the feelings aren't mutual!"
-- Lawler
"You get chills seeing these guys back together."
"The crowd feels it; do you feel it?"
"I can tell you what I feel..."
"Oh, probably gas."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler on Kane and X-Pac
"A Stevie Kick; Stevie Richards with a Stevie Kick to Bubba Ray!"
"No, that's Dude Love, you idiot."
"Stevie Richards PLAYING Dude Love. Whatever."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Mark Henry is bearing his soul here on SmackDown..."
"I think this may not be the time or place for this."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler being all serious while Mark Henry is delivering his "sexaholic" speech
"Rock Bottom by the Rock, and the Rock never even lost his sunglasses!"
-- Michael Cole
VAL VENIS: "I respect you; nobody has done more for this buisness than you."
MICHAEL COLE: "Damn straight."
LAWLER: "Suckup."
MICHAEL COLE: "I'm not sucking up; I'm telling the truth."
VAL VENIS: "If it wasn't for you coming off a twenty-foot cage and literally destroying your body... my paycheck would not be what it is today."
MICHAEL COLE: "Neither would yours, King."
LAWLER: "Are you kidding?"
"Here's the cover, and the Rock nonchalantly looking out into the crowd!"
-- Michael Cole as the Rock ignores a cover by Triple H
"One... two... it doesn't MATTER if the Rock counts to three!"
-- the Rock while counting a British Bulldog cover on Triple H
"What the hell else is going to happen here on SmackDown! in Richmond here tonight?"
-- Michael Cole about 20 seconds before SmackDown! ends
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