Quotes: No Mercy PPV, October 17, 1999
Live from Cleveland, Ohio (sold out)
Replay of HeAT Triple H interview. Backstage interviews with Ivory. Shots of Terri Invitational Tournament winners celebrating with her backstage. The Rock does some preaching in-ring and is attacked by Triple H.
The Godfather (w/ hos) vs. Mideon (w/ Viscera). Womens Championship: Ivory (C) vs. the Fabulous Moolah. The New Age Outlaws vs. the Holly cousins. Intercontinental Championship, Good Housekeeping Match: Jeff Jarrett (C, w/ Miss Kitty) vs. Chyna. The Rock vs. the British Bulldog. Terri Invitational Tournament round V, ladder match: the New Brood vs. Edge and Christian. Mankind vs. Val Venis. Four Corners Elimination Match: X-Pac vs. Faarooq vs. Bradshaw vs. Kane. WWF Championship: Triple H (C) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin; the Rock run-in.
"Tonight, the WWF title will be decided, no-holds-barred, no disqualifications, no count-outs, when the Rattlesnake returns to the ring after three months, to challenge Triple H for the gold."
-- J.R.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you missed HeAT, the Godfather was seen coming out of Mr. McMahon's office here in the Gund Arena, and apparently a deal went down where Godfather has been added to No Mercy here tonight..."
-- J.R. as the Godfather enters with the hos; nothing like last-minute booking
"I have no problem at all with adding the Godfather to ANY event... as long as he's got the hos!"
-- Lawler
"...after what happened to him Thursday night on SmackDown, King. (pause) King!"
"Yeah, yeah-- excuse me, what? What'd you say?"
-- J.R. and a distracted Lawler, checking out the hos
"I know that I ain't the only one... are there any pimps up in this house?"
"Oh man, look at them all!"
"It's a pimp convention!"
-- the Godfather, Lawler, and J.R. during the Godfather's entrance schtick
"I want ya'll to know that the Godfather be smoking worldwide! Man, I want you to roll a fatty for this pimp daddy, light that blunt up and say, "Pimpin' ain't easy!"
"PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY!"
"You got a fatty there, J.R.?"
"I beg your pardon?"
-- the Godfather, the crowd, Lawler, and J.R.
"Viscera needs to be wearing a license plate... wide load!"
-- Lawler as Viscera heads to the ring to accompany Mideon in his match
(Mideon crawls into the ring; Godfather gets down on his hands and knees to look him in the eye)
GODFATHER: "I'm gonna get down here I can make sure you understand me. Now, since it seems that I don't have no farm animals, you don't want no hos, I'm just gonna kick your ass!"
"Remember, when Mideon talked about those farm animals, he did say he preferred them... dead... ick."
"That's a morbid connotation!"
"Yeah, I guess he didn't want to seem like he's a pervert."
-- Lawler and J.R. on Mideon's "preferences"
"I can't believe that the hos are standing so close to Viscera over there."
"I don't know if they have a choice or not."
"Yeah... they may not be able to escape his gravitational pull!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"I think Godfather's gonna have to start bringing some tougher hos."
-- Godfather as the hos watch Viscera interfere against the Godfather
"Viscera right in front of us, blocking out the sun..."
-- J.R.
"The Godfather got him some, J.R.! And I think he's gonna get him some a little bit later on, too!"
-- Lawler as the Godfather pins Mideon and the hos rush in to celebrate
"Yeah, I'll give her credit... I'll give her credit for making it down to the ring without a walker!"
-- Lawler as the Fabulous Moolah heads to the ring
"Look at those mugs, J.R. Y'know, Halloween's coming up; Mae and Moolah go trick-or-treating as-is!"
"Will you quit that? I just hope that when I'm seventy-two... I hope I live to be seventy-two, number one... if I can get around like these women--"
"What are you talking about, J.R.? You don't look as good as they do now!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Can you imagine losing your belt to a senior citizen like that? An octagenarian? The only thing worse than that would be losing your virginity to one!"
-- Lawler, concerning the Moolah/Ivory match
"Ivory told Moolah to wrestle women her own age, but there aren't any!"
-- Lawler
"What the...?"
-- Lawler as Ivory COMPLETELY misses a splash
"Hey, Moolah going upstairs here! Well... maybe first floor's high enough."
-- J.R. as Moolah misses a dive from the first rope
"Is this me, or am I watching this in slow motion?"
-- Lawler on the women's championship match
"You've come a long way, baby, but I think you just ran out of gas!"
-- Lawler, addressing the newly-crowned womens champ Moolah
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! D-Generation X proudly brings to you, its *former* WWF Tag Team Champions of the woooorrrrlllldddd...."
-- Road Dogg
"They love the New Age Outlaws, and why not? The most charismatic, the most athletic, the most successful team ever to compete in the WWF!"
-- J.R.
"J.R., I got one question for you."
"What's that?"
"What is "shiznit?"
"I don't really know..."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"I think this is what they talk about when they say, "Kickin' the... shiznit?... doggy-style!"
-- Lawler as Road Dogg and Mr. Ass beat up on the Hollies
"Hey, you know what? I just figured out why Howard Finkel's making mistakes in his ring announcing tonight."
"Why's that?"
"Well, he's just recently become the property-- the personal property-- of Curtis Hughes!"
"That would make a guy change his attitude... or commit suicide, one of the two."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Hey, J.R., tell me I was dreaming a minute ago. Fabulous Moolah isn't really the new WWF Women's Champion, is she?"
-- Lawler in denial
"Look at the power of Hardcore Holly! All the blood rushing to the head of the Road Dogg here; I don't think I've ever seen anyone held up that long before-- and there's a vertical suplex!"
"That's 'cause Holly's a four-hundred-pounder; he can hold anybody up there!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Hardcore Holly holds Road Dogg upside-down in a suplex position for thirteen seconds (Mr. Ass is looking impressed in the background)
"Stay down, you hound!"
-- Lawler to the Road Dogg, trying his own hand at the rhyming gimmick
"The Hollies have always had great potential... but they could never get along for a whole match without fighting each other!"
-- J.R.
"They just have that family fighting spirit! If the competition's not up to snuff, they'll fight each other!"
-- Lawler on Crash and Hardcore Holly
"The hell YOU doing?"
-- the referee to Crash Holly, who is trying to interfere as Hardcore and Road Dogg fight in the ring
"I suppose you didn't see that either, idiot!"
-- Billy Gunn to the ref as Crash helps Hardcore choke the Road Dogg
"The Hollies have done a great job segregating this tag team!"
-- Lawler, referring to the Hollies isolating Road Dogg
"Mr. Ass made sure the three count didn't go down..."
"What a blatant cheat!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Now you saw that tag!"
"I certainly did."
"And you heard it, too. You're just still reeling over the fact that Fabulous Moolah's the new champion. She'll probably ask you out to dinner tonight to celebrate!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"We know Badd Ass Billy Gunn has got a short fuse, and he looks to be about ready to erupt here!"
"Hey, don't get personal; talking about his short fuse!"
"ExCUSE me? His temper is what I'm referring to!"
"Oh; oh, okay."
"Where's YOUR head?"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Ready?"
-- Hardcore Holly to Road Dogg, as they prepare to pull a superplex off the top rope
"Did you see that? Look, look look! He's got it! He's got the kitchen sink!"
"Everything including the kitchen sink will be legal to use in this Intercontinental title matchup!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Jeff Jarrett heads to the ring
"Wait a minute, Chyna; don't act like you know how to clean house!"
-- Lawler as Chyna heads to the ring, a broom in one hand and a garbage can in the other
"Not the garbage can!"
"Oh, man! Chyna with a garbage can--"
"She DOES know how to take out the trash!"
"Right on the cranium of Jeff Jarrett!"
"Look at Miss Kitty; she can't believe it. Oh, get out of the way, Miss-- heeere, kitty kitty kitty..."
-- Lawler and J.R. as Chyna clobbers Jeff Jarrett
"What is that? A stick of salami?"
"Sausage or salami or something."
"I think Mae Young must have left that out here from before..."
"I didn't know Mae liked salami."
-- Lawler and J.R. as Chyna uses a stick of salami to hit Jarrett
"I think maybe Chyna IS pretty good around the house!"
-- Lawler as Chyna displays impressive skill in beating Jarrett up with household items
"I smell fish, J.R.!"
-- Lawler moments after Jeff Jarrett slapped Chyna with a flounder
"You better get out of the way, Miss Kitty; she'll make pot roast out of you!"
-- Lawler yelling advice to Miss Kitty during the IC match
"They just wasted two good pies!"
- J.R. during the Good Housekeeping match
"And there's a three count... Jarrett retains the Intercontinental title!"
-- the first pinfall of the Good Housekeeping match (and a smark shocker)
"Chyna, the first woman to become the Intercontinental Champion in World Wrestling Federation history!"
-- J.R.
"Introducing first, from Lancaster, England..."
(stomping down the ring, the wrestler looks over and flips off an entire section of the crowd)
"The British Bulldog!"
-- Howard Finkel
"Look at that picture. What's wrong with that picture of the Rock when you look at him?"
"What?"
"You don't see anything missing? Look at him; right there, right now. What's missing?"
"No, I don't..."
"How about the WWF Tag Team title belt?"
-- Lawler making a good point to J.R.
"Uh oh, J.R... I think we better head for the hills!"
-- Lawler as the brawling Rock and Bulldog get a little too close for comfort
"The Rock got a foot on the rope, or it would have been over. You've got to believe if that move had been in the center of the ring, that the Bulldog would have his hand raised at this point!"
"Well, the ref could've counted anyway! What's the matter with you, ref?"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the Rock and British Bulldog fight
"I tell you what... they had to dynamite that grin off your face."
-- J.R. to Lawler, referring to Lawler's earlier interview with Terri
"You know what I just realized? This is the Terri Invitational Tournament!"
"Yeah?"
"T-I-T!"
"Oh, yeah."
-- Lawler and J.R. (always the last ones to know)
"Matt and Jeff Hardy, Edge and Christian... two sets of brothers here. This is one of those air-traffic control type matchups, where you know these four are going to take a lot of chances, and we'll see a lot of high-risk offense."
"We got two sets of brothers, but Gangrel's not related to anybody, is he?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
"Vlad the Impaler, maybe."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"He's being ejected!"
"I think you're right!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as the ladder match referee throws Gangrel out
"We've seen a lot of great ladder matches in the past, but none ever in a tag team environment. This is the first; you're seeing it tonight on No Mercy!"
-- J.R.
"Leapfrogged the ladder, for God's sakes, and dropped the leg, the huge legdrop over the top, over the ladder!"
"Have you EVER?!"
"I have never!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Jeff Hardy goes to the top rope and leapfrogs over the ladder to drop a huge leg on Christian's throat; the crowd reaction is tremendous
"Boy, these four men may never, ever be the same after this matchup here tonight!"
"And I guarantee you, whoever wins Terri will never, ever be the same!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the astonishing bumps in the ladder match continue
"How in God's name can a human being even MOVE after that?"
-- J.R., commenting on the wild ladder match
"When she was at the top of that ladder and I looked up there... I saw it! I think those services were actually winking at me."
-- Lawler getting disgusting, discussing his peek up Terri's dress on HeAT
"There should be body parts lying everywhere, J.R..."
-- Lawler on the ladder match
"These four young men look like they've been ejected from a car crash here!"
-- J.R. on the ladder match
"I'll tell you what; I'm sore from watching this, J.R.! I know Terri's services are good, but... I don't know if they're THIS good."
-- Lawler
"All four men are back down! Hung up in the ropes; crashing to the canvas!"
"I don't think any of them are going to be getting up, either, J.R.!"
"Ladders falling atop of them!"
"This'll set a new record, but we have to see that again! Unbelievable!"
-- J.R. and Lawler after all four tip their ladders over and go flying
"One of the most amazing displays I have ever seen in my life!"
-- J.R. as the Brood wins the tournament, and the crowd gives both teams a standing ovation
"The Great One stepping into the squared circle here..."
-- J.R. as the Rock comes to the ring unexpectedly to deliver a few words of wisdom
"I've never seen anything like this in over twenty years in this business!"
-- J.R. as the crowd hangs on every word of the Rock
"The WWF champion is assaulting the Rock with that sledgehammer; for God's sakes!"
-- Lawler as Triple H rushes out unexpectedly
"It didn't take Triple H long to answer THAT challenge!"
-- Lawler
"Val Venis carrying Mick Foley's autobiography... as you heard Mick say, it's on sale Thursday. I read seven chapters of it yesterday; it's one of the finest readers I've ever picked up."
"Oh, come on..."
"I'm very serious!"
"I was going to say, "Who wrote it for him?," but now I've got to ask, "Who read it to you?"
"I read it myself, thank you, and he wrote all six hundred and ten handwritten--"
"Is it in crayon?"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"The men's room is about the only place that book would be good for... men's room, bathroom reading. And then, maybe, if you're out of toilet paper, you could use a couple of the pages..."
-- Lawler on Mankind's book
"Get OFF the ROCK."
-- the Rock backstage, trying to get rid of the paramedics even while writhing in pain
"Yeah, big deal, Mankind wrote a book. How about all the movies Val Venis has made?"
-- Lawler
"C'mon, that's the way Val makes a living!"
-- Lawler protesting a low blow on Venis
"Mankind is pulling it out!"
"What's he pulling out?"
"Mankind is pulling it right out of Val's tights!"
"Ack! That's the Big Valbowski; it's coming out!"
"Look at the size of that thing! Rocko! Back in the hands of Mankind!"
"Whew... I thought that was the Big Valbowski. That's not long enough to be the Big Valbowski."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mankind goes after Rocko
"You know what Mankind wanted to do with Rocko; he wanted to stuff it down his own pants; enhance himself a little bit."
"Or stuff it down the gullet of Val Venis."
"Ahh... believe me. I've heard what women say when they see Mankind naked."
"Yeah? What's that?"
"One of them said, "Wow! And your feet are so big!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Folks, you could hear it, see it, and smell it! A knockdown by Mankind!"
"I think that's just Mankind we're smelling."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mankind and Venis brawl at ringside
"Mankind's head just bounced off that ringpost like a basketball!"
"Poor Val... he's had a lot of things in his mouth before, but never anything as nasty as that Mandible Claw!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Venis and Mankind continue their match
"The splatter of the skull on the canvas here!"
-- J.R.
"A double claw!"
"There's the Rock and Sock Connection, for real!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mankind applies the Mandible Claw simultaneously with Val's Testicular Claw
"Mankind has Rocko AND Socko!"
"Get away get away get away!!"
"This is a connection Val doesn't want any part of!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mankind goes after Val
"You know Rocko's gotta be stinkin' right now."
-- Lawler
"Wait a minute... we just saw that stinking thing! You mean you can get that at home?"
-- Lawler, protesting the WWF's "Mr. Socko" free gift for ordering No Mercy
"X-Pac, the cardiac kid."
-- Lawler
"These guys are-- pardon my French-- the ass-kickers of the WWF!"
-- Lawler on the Acolytes
"X-Pac wants to prove to the world that size is absolutely irrelevant in the squared circle!"
"Come on, we know size does matter. Ask Val Venis!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as X-Pac tries to get Kane to fight him during the four-corners match
"This is a regular Saturday night after work for these guys!"
"It's almost like the Hollies!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Faarooq and Bradshaw battle
"I respect his courage, all right. It's his stupidity I have to laugh at!"
-- Lawler on X-Pac
"X-Pac with a spinning heel kick from the top rope, and Kane walked right into it!"
"Did you see that?"
"My God, X-Pac just pinned Kane, and Kane can't believe it!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"A thunderous spinebuster slam, that had to take the air right out of X-Pac!"
-- J.R. as things start looking bad for our favorite little guy
"The smallest dog in the fight! But as the old expression goes, it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. And that young man has a lot of fight in him; you've got to love his attitude."
"Lotta HEART! Huge HEART!"
-- J.R. and Lawler on X-Pac, surprise winner of the four corners match
"Get OFF the ROCK! ...sumbitch."
-- the Rock still trying to fight off the medics backstage
"Here comes the Rattlesnake; here comes the challenger for the WWF title! No-holds-barred, no disqualifications!"
"That's right down the alley of the Rattlesnake! Vince McMahon has stacked the deck, if you ask me."
-- J.R. and Lawler as Stone Cold Steve Austin heads to the ring
"The Survivor Series is next month, but you've got to wonder if anybody's going to survive this!"
-- J.R. as Austin and Triple H brawl outside of the ring
"You talk about getting up close and personal with these WWF superstars..."
"You and I are closer to the ring than these guys have gotten tonight!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Austin and Triple H take their battle into the crowd
"Hey, that's not fair, J.R.! Austin doesn't have any hair to pull!"
-- Lawler protesting Austin's decision to drag Triple H around by his hair
"Look at these people; they're handing Austin things to use as weapons! I cannot believe that crippled kid actually handed Austin his crutch! How's he gonna get home, J.R.?"
-- Lawler on the crowd
"Austin just ran that boom right into Helmsley's face!"
-- J.R. as Austin uses a camera on a boom to smash Triple H
LAWLER: "Austin has always been fond of machinery."
J.R.: "Austin has driven zambonis and trucks... ambulances, semis..."
LAWLER: "Eighteen-wheelers into ambulances..."
J.R.: "Remember, there's no countout here, if you're wondering--"
LAWLER: "Bloodmobiles..."
J.R.: "Can't be disqualified in this matchup!"
LAWLER: "Concrete trucks... beer trucks... he'll do anything; he's an idiot!"
"The referee is moving very little."
"And let's take a look at why, J.R. Here comes the referee right into your living room..."
-- J.R. and Lawler watching a replay of the ref being manhandled
"Bottom line, we've got no referee!"
"Well, we've got what's LEFT of a referee."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"The stunner! The stunner! Austin's got it; the stunner! It's over! It's over; where's the referee?! It's over!"
-- J.R., but there is no ref to count the pin
"The pedigree! Triple H with a pedigree... that'll be all; Triple H has Austin beat with the pedigree."
"One... two... three... four... five... He's got him!"
"No; Austin got the shoulder up!"
-- J.R. and Lawler (the ref made a late count) as the crowd goes wild
"J.R., calm down!"
-- Lawler during the title match
"All right, J.R., now I can take over. You've lost your headset; good! This is a real slobberknocker, folks! Austin's fixing to stomp a mudhole in him and walk it dry. Oh, and Triple H is bleeding! He's bleeding bad!"
-- Lawler working on a J.R. imitation after a brawling Austin and Triple H end up behind the announcers' table
"Stone Cold Steve Austin is choking the title right off of Hunter Hearst Helmsley!"
-- Lawler
"Hey J.R., what don't you get you a cheap shot in?"
-- Lawler to J.R., as Austin beats on Triple H near the table again
"Ding dong!"
"Ding dong, the Rattlesnake may be dead!"
-- Lawler as Triple H uses the bell on Austin, plus a comment from J.R.
"Jesus... Austin suplexed right on that Spanish announce table! Austin may be broken in half; Helmsley is bleeding profusely!"
"Helmsley's lost so much blood he can hardly get up!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Get outta my way!"
-- Lawler to J.R., trying to get away from the brawlers
"Anything goes, J.R.! If you want to play the game, you've got to play it WITH the Game!"
-- Lawler
"GODDAMMIT!"
-- Triple H to Austin, when Helmsley is unable to hold Austin down for a pin
"Oh, this is legal, this is legal! Don't say anything, Earl Hebner!"
-- Lawler as Triple H gets a chair
"There's only one thing more dangerous than a Rattlesnake, and that's a Rattlesnake with a chair in his hand!"
-- Lawler
"Triple H is a sitting duck!"
"Austin gaining that momentum... we know what rattlesnakes do to ducks!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
J.R.: "Oh! Damn!"
LAWLER: "That's it!"
J.R.: "That's gotta be all!... but Austin's gonna wear out Helmsley! Shades of Summerslam!"
LAWLER: "What's he doing?!"
J.R.: "Austin trying to end Helmsley's career!"
-- the conversation as Austin whales on Triple H with a chair
"The Rock hit Austin; he was aiming for Helmsley! No, no..."
-- J.R. as the Rock muddles this up and Triple H gets the pin on Austin
"Triple H has pinned Stone Cold Steve Austin after the Rock, who came for Helmsley-- no doubt about it-- inadvertantly hit Austin with that sledgehammer!"
-- J.R.
"The Game took out the Rock and the Rattlesnake in one fell swoop!"
-- Lawler
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