Quotes: SmackDown!, October 21, 1999
From Louisville, Kentucky (sold out)
In-ring confrontation leads to Mankind vs. the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Val Venis matches being set for that evening by Vince McMahon. Triple H confronts Vince backstage. Vignettes on the Big Show and the Rock 'n' Sock Connection. Mark Henry is counseled by the Godfather. The Road Dogg and Austin confer briefly backstage. Backstage interviews with Triple H (Al Snow interferes), the Big Show, and Al Snow (Triple H interferes).
Test, Edge, and Christian vs. the British Bulldog and the Mean Street Posse. WWF Championship: Triple H (C) vs. Al Snow. #1 Contender Match: The Rock vs. Mankind; Val Venis and Triple H interfere. WWF Womens Championship: the Fabulous Moolah (C) vs. Mae Young; Ivory, Tori, Jacqueline, and Luna interfere. WWF Tag Team Championship: the Holly cousins (C) vs. the Hardy Boyz (w/ Terri); run-in by the New Age Outlaws. WWF Hardcore Championship: the Big Boss Man (C) vs. the Big Show. The Godfather (w/ hos) and Mark Henry vs. Mideon and Viscera. #1 Contender Match: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Val Venis; run-ins from Triple H and the Rock.
"Rest homes are too expensive. Let's just take Moolah down to the interstate and leave her at a rest area!"
-- Lawler
"The whole time I wore this jacket, did you realize I KNEW that I looked like a horse's ass? Do you know why I continued to wear it? Because I knew it was fun, and I wanted to provide fun on your television show. But it seems that, somewhere along the line, somebody forgot that underneath the Rock 'n' Sock Connection jacket, I was the same man who won the WWF belt three times! That I was the same man that wrestled with his tooth stuck up his damn nose! That I was the same man that wrestled with his ear ripped clean off his skull! I want you to remember that, underneath it all, maybe I don't have the little five-hundred-dollar shirts; maybe I can't raise my stupid eyebrow; maybe I don't have three hundred and twenty-nine catch phrases! But I'm here to say that I am every bit as good as, if not better than, an ingrateful little son-of-a-bitch like the Rock!"
-- Mankind
"Look! A cue card!"
-- Lawler as the Rock hops up on the second rope to offer schtick; a lady in the crowd is holding up a sign with his lines
"Look at Austin! He gave the salute to Val!"
-- Michael Cole getting excited as Stone Cold Steve Austin flips off Val Venis
"That's the infamous "good time that was held by all," right there!"
-- Lawler, referring to the dancing hos in the ring
"We Miss U Taker!"
-- sign in the crowd at ringside
"Hey King, guess what--"
"xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
"xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
"--well-- and look at this; look at the action in the ring between these two superstars!"
-- Michael Cole during the main event in an odd piece of editing
"She'll never have babies again!"
-- Lawler, cracking up, as Mae Young stomps on the Fabulous Moolah
"You called me out here for THAT?!?"
-- Vince McMahon as Mankind shows off his old Rock 'n' Sock Connection jacket
"My daddy's gone! Waaahhhh! I loved hearing that big fat bastard cry!"
-- the Big Boss Man on the Big Show
(Val Venis is pacing around) "There he is; Val Venis coming up next! He meets Stone Cold Steve Austin to determine who the other #1 contender will be at Survivor Series!"
"This is gonna be good!"
(Someone is examining a wimpering Mankind's ankle) "And Mankind, Mankind being worked on backstage; he's still here."
"What's wrong with him? He's hurt bad!"
(The Rock is pacing around) "The Rock; the People's Champion, he's still around!"
"Wait a minute; what is the deal? His match is long over. Why's he still here?"
"I have no idea; the Rock still hanging around. And there's the WWF Champion! Triple H is in the house. It doesn't appear anybody is going anywhere!"
"What is the deal? What's going to happen?!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the cameras capture various wrestlers backstage
"Rock 'n' Sock sucks!"
-- Lawler
"That was cruel, that was heartless, and it was gutless!"
-- the Big Show, referring to Monday's incident of the Big Boss Man paying off a guy to tell Show that his father had died
"Kids, you're getting a history lesson! This is how the dinosaurs became extinct!"
-- Lawler as Moolah and Mae Young fight
"When we left Mankind on RAW, he appeared a broken man; heartbroken over apparent rejection by the Rock!"
-- Michael Cole as Mankind hits the ring
"Hey, be careful of the Big Valbowski there; that thing's vulnerable!"
-- Lawler admonishing Stone Cold Steve Austin as Austin treats Val Venis rather roughly
"Winners of perhaps... well... forget the perhaps; the greatest Ladder Match in WWF history at No Mercy!"
"They didn't just win the Ladder Match; they won the big tit!"
"Wh-- WHAT?"
"T-I-T! The big Terri Invitiational Tournament!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Didn't he realize, there's going to be critics out there? Everybody's not going to love his book! Obviously, the Rock didn't!"
-- Lawler
"Austin just dropped on his head! Dropped on his head!"
"I think it's his knee... oh, THAT was his head."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler calling the main event
"I want you to roll a fatty for this pimp daddy, light that hydro up and say, "pimpin ain't easy!"
-- the Godfather (wearing a sporting "Pimp Dem Hos" jacket)
"Hey, get outta here! This isn't the rest home!"
-- Lawler as Moolah and Mae Young battle onto the announce table
"Maybe you can kind of feel how I felt when I presented my pride and joy to the Rock, and he-- well, he-- he threw it out. So kinda what I'm saying is, when the Rock threw out my pride and joy, he might as well have taken down his pants and taken a big ol' dump on Mick Foley himself!"
-- Mankind, referring to the RAW incident where the Rock apparently threw Mankind's autobiography in the garbage
"Val Venis with a steel chair to that knee!"
"The referee didn't see anything; *I* didn't see anything!"
"You saw it plain as day, King; it was right in front of you!"
"I was watching the referee!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler on the Austin/Venis main event
THE ROCK: "Mankind, you want to come out here and challenge the Rock; run your mouth? Well, the Rock says this. Tonight, he is simply going to serve you up a piece of pie."
LAWLER: "Uh-oh... a piece of pie? Oh boy! We know what kind of pie the Rock serves!"
ROCK: "Now the Rock says, there are many types of pies..."
LAWLER (eagerly): "Yeah?"
ROCK: "There's shepherd's pie..."
LAWLER: "No no no, that's not the good kind of pie!"
ROCK: "Apple pie..."
LAWLER: "No, Rock! Starts with a "P!" C'mon, you know what kind!"
(Rock forms his lips to say it)
LAWLER: "Yeah!"
ROCK: "Pumpkin pie..."
LAWLER: "NO!"
ROCK: "And the ever-so-loveable poontang pie!"
(Lawler goes nuts)
"You got the Big Valbowski tonight? Is that right; what's up with that?"
"I guess the Rock's calling all the shots; what's up with that?"
"There goes the neighborhood; THAT's what's up with that."
"Right; that's what I say!"
-- the Road Dogg and Stone Cold Steve Austin conferring backstage
"You refer to the Rock and his testicles? Get something very clear, jabroni. These are not any testicles... these are the PEOPLE'S testicles."
-- the Rock, to a huge pop
"Now that I think about it, I don't know if the Hollies are wearing them down... may have been Terri that wore the Hardy Boyz down last night! Ha!"
-- Lawler as the Hardy Boyz and the Hollies lock it up
"Finally, after seventeen years, I have got my opportunity!"
-- Al Snow, referring to his championship title shot
"Well, that's gonna be a war, Michael, but right now I'd like to concentrate on the hos-- urm, this match."
-- Lawler
"HO TRAIN!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler in unison
"Lot of pages... lot of pictures to color in there!"
-- Lawler ripping on Mankind's book
"The Rock with a Rock Bottom to Triple H; Triple H with a pedigree to Austin! The Rock and Stone Cold are playing a game, King; a game of one-upsmanship!"
"Well, it's a dangerous game! Somebody's going to get hurt and hurt bad!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Stone Cold Steve Austin looks like he's in no mood to fool around!"
-- Lawler as Austin squares off against Val Venis
"You want the Rock tonight? You GOT the Rock tonight!"
-- the Rock to Mankind
"This is the first time I'll EVER say, DON'T show me your puppies!"
-- Lawler, talking about Moolah and Mae Young
"The Rock's got a special type of pie that's better than shepherd's, apple, better than pumpkin, and believe it or not, much better than the poontang pie!"
"No way; nothing's better! Michael, come on! Well... you wouldn't know, but nothing's better than the poontang pie!"
"That pie is simply entitled... the People's Pie."
-- the Rock, plus a comment from Lawler (and the obligatory rip on Michael Cole)
"You know what they're doing out here! You know what the Outlaws want!"
"You gotta go through proper channels!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as the Outlaws rush the ring, attacking the Holly cousins
"Wrestling fans can talk about the Hell In a Cell as the greatest thing that Mick Foley ever did. Some people can talk about the Japanese Death Match as the greatest thing that Mick Foley ever did. Or, they can talk about winning the WWF championship as being the greatest thing that Mick Foley ever did. I'm here to tell you tonight, in Louisville, Kentucky..." (cheap heat) "...that "Have a Nice Day," my book, is the best damn thing I've ever done in my life!"
-- Mankind
"Val Venis senses the opportunity here! Senses he could take a huge step in his career--"
"Rising to the occasion!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"The Godfather set for action here on SmackDown and bringing the ladies along!"
-- Michael Cole
"No one has challenged Stone Cold Steve Austin!"
-- Vince McMahon to the Rock in a setup if I ever heard one
"You think TRIPLE H is afraid of AL SNOW?"
"Perhaps..."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler (Cole is really grasping at straws on this one)
"On page four-twenty-one here, Mankind talks about the Rock. It says, "The next day, one of the guys asked my impression of Rocky. "Hey, he's a nice guy," I said, "But he just doesn't have it! The office should probably just cut their losses and get rid of the guy!"
-- Val Venis reading from Mankind's book (no WONDER the Rock threw the book out)
VAL VENIS (reading from Mankind's book): "By virtue of his charisma, good looks, endless stream of catch phrases..."
MICHAEL COLE: "Oh MAN! The Rock flipping Mankind over that barricade, and crashing down--"
LAWLER: "Will you shut up so we can hear?"
MICHAEL COLE: "And the Rock may have injured his ribs again there!"
LAWLER: "We're TRYING to hear from the Big Valbowski!"
VAL VENIS (on Cole's comment): "Well, I certainly hope so!" (turning back to the book) "...endless stream of catch phrases, and two big moves, the Rock was riding on a huge wave of momentum and popularity into the finals--"
MICHAEL COLE: "OH! Into that steel post goes Mankind!"
LAWLER (to Michael Cole): "I'm gonna slap you! Go ahead, Val."
VAL VENIS (continuing to read): "One of those two moves, the People's Elbow, was the most ludicrous thing I've ever seen in any form of entertainment!"
"Triple H has everything to lose and absolutely nothing to gain by beating Al Snow!"
-- Lawler
"BOOOOOOOOOOOO..."
-- the crowd as the referees break up the six-woman catfight in the ring
"Get out of the middle of this, Vince!"
"If Vince is smart, he's gonna hightail it!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as a very irate Stone Cold Steve Austin heads to the ring, in answer to a Val Venis challenge
"Well well well... if it isn't the neutered dog and his three bitches!"
-- Test as the Bulldog and the Mean Street Posse approach
"That's Ivory! That's the former womens champion Ivory!"
"She just can't take it anymore! I don't blame her!"
"It was Moolah who defeated Ivory at No Mercy, and look at Ivory hammering away now on the Fabulous Moolah! The hell is Ivory DOING in there?"
"Well, she hates Moolah! Moolah used to have no enemies because she'd outlived them all!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Ivory runs in on the Moolah/Mae Young match
"I said I didn't want anything further to do with the Rock. Well, I've had a couple of days to think about it and I think I do know exactly what I want, and that's I want exactly what the Rock has! And Vince McMahon himself is the only man that can give it to me. So cameraman, if you don't mind, the Rock used to always make mention of my big fat ass, so why don't you get a little camera shot of that... what I'm about to do is, I'm going to take this big fat ass of mine, I'm gonna sit it down in this ring, and I'm not gonna move until Vince McMahon comes down and gives me exactly what the Rock has got! I am willing to sit out here on SmackDown for the entire two-hour period!"
-- Mankind
"This guy's snapping! He's going nuts!"
-- Lawler as the Big Show is shown backstage, tearing his locker room apart
"You're a big man; you got a big appetite!"
-- the Godfather reassuring Mark Henry that there is nothing wrong with a sexual addiction
"Can you imagine, the president of the J.O.B. Squad being the WWF champion?"
-- Lawler as Al Snow takes on Triple H for the championship
"...then I get this woman; she's like, fifty or sixty, man! I don't go like that! I GO, I go, believe me I go, but God, man! She's old enough to be my mama!"
-- Mark Henry, confiding in the Godfather
"You've got to realize, Val, that Mankind is a complete moron!"
"That's just a given, brother."
-- Lawler and Val Venis
"Who the hell are you to be out here questioning me? You barely deserve to be in the building in the first place; why don't you get out of here?"
"Somebody needs to take the medication they've got me on!"
-- Triple H and Al Snow
"I've got a special request to the cameraman-- can we shoot the hos from the neck down?"
"Look at Sexual Chocolate and Godfather getting down!"
"Look at this celebration! Michael, would you like to be up there with those hos?"
"I would love to be!"
"You WOULD be?!"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Well, go ahead!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as the hos do a groove in the ring
"Giving the Big Show the news about his father's demise was, without a doubt, one of the funniest things I've ever done to anybody in my whole entire life!"
-- the Big Boss Man
"King, you don't know that the Rock threw Mick Foley's book in the trash!"
"Well, isn't that what Mankind said?"
"It's PURE speculation."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"You know something, King? ...This book SUCKS!"
-- Val Venis, clobbering Mankind over the head with a copy of Mankind's autobiography
"Hey King, she's your queen! She's wearing a crowd just like yours!"
"Oh hey, don't start! Look at her; she's got so many wrinkles an accordian once fell in love with her face!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Mae Young heads to the ring
"All aboard! The Ho Train pulling into the SmackDown station!"
-- Michael Cole as the Godfather makes his entrance
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