Quotes: SmackDown!, November 4, 1999
From Philadelphia, PA (sold out)
D-X reviews the events of RAW and offers their comments. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler discuss the situation with the Al Snow doll. A match kicks off immediately; the Hollies have a new entrance video. Through the evening, J.R. is questioned backstage by Austin, Rock, Tori, Kane, and Vince about his suggestion on RAW that Vince may have meant to strike Shane. J.R. apologizes to each. Backstage, Al and Mankind celebrate their victory with several of the other face tag teams. Mankind decides to look for Val Venis; the Godfather's hos direct Mankind to several local strip joints, which he visits throughout the evening. Stephanie and Test's new wedding date is announced for November 29 in Los Angeles (live on RAW). Kurt Angle vignette. In-ring D-X interview sets up the main event. Stevie Richards announces his infatuation for Chyna in a backstage interview. Val Venis attacks Snow backstage and thanks the hos for helping to send Mankind on a wild goose chase. Recap of the latest in the Bossman/Big Show storyline. Vince talks to the different participants in the main event backstage.
WWF Tag Team Championship: Mankind and Al Snow defeat the Holly cousins (C, w/ scale); new tag team champions and solid match. D'Lo Brown defeats Test; the Mean Street Posse watches from the stage and D'Lo sells a knee injury. The Hardy Boyz (w/ Terri) defeat Too Cool (excellent match). WWF European Championship: Edge defeats the British Bulldog (C) by DQ after the Posse, Christian, and the Headbangers all become involved. The Godfather (w/ hos) defeats Chris Jericho after interference from Stevie Richards. The Big Boss Man vs. the Big Show goes to a double-countout; the Big Show chokeslams everything in reach. D-Generation X defeats Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Rock, Kane, and Shane McMahon in an eight-man tag team elimination match after Vince nails Austin with the title belt (accident? Who knows?).
"I'd rather join Dubbaya-See-Dubbaya than join D-X!"
-- Vince McMahon, to an enormous pop
"Godfather, I'll be honest with you... pimpin AIN'T easy... to watch! Nobody came here to see a bunch of scantily-clad women dance!"
"Uh, nobody? What about me?"
"No, they came to see Y2J. Just like nobody wants to see a frail, cowardly woman as a champion; they want to see Y2J. Chyna, what I'm going to do is after our match at Survivor Series, I'm going to let you be my personal ho! I know it's something you're excited about, because I know you've got a sexual crush on Y2J! And with a gorgeous face like this, can you blame her?" (strikes a pose) "I also know you like to lay on your back; hell, you've slept with half the boys in the dressing room already. But your dream of a lifetime is going to come true after our match at Survivor Series, when I'm all dirty and sweaty, and I make you get down on your knees, pucker up your lips, and kiss my big, shiny, Intercontinental championship belt!"
-- Chris Jericho, plus a comment from Lawler
"What I wanted to ask about is last Monday when we went off the air. You said, "I hope what Vince McMahon did to Shane was an accident." What the hell's that all about?"
"I think I spoke too soon. I keep thinking back to the Mr. McMahon of old, and a lot of the things he did weren't coincidental. Hell, I didn't mean anything by it."
"That's all it was?"
"Yeah, I didn't mean anything by it."
"Good enough."
-- Stone Cold Steve Austin and J.R. backstage
"Look! They're towing Mankind's station wagon!"
-- Lawler as Mankind's car is towed outside one of the strip joints
(Mankind is wandering around backstage, carrying his tag title belt. The Acolytes are walking towards him.)
MANKIND (clapping Faarooq on the shoulder): "You guys seen Val?"
FAAROOQ (jerking away): "Get off me! Man, get out of here!"
MANKIND: "Where's he at; have you seen him? Is he here?"
BRADSHAW: "He left the building." (sizes Mankind up) "Champ."
(the Acolytes walk on)
MANKIND: "Hey, we gotta hang out again like the old days."
BRADSHAW (off-camera): "Yeah, we'll have a drink!" (a crunched beer can comes flying from the direction the Acolytes disappeared in and bounces off Mankind's back) "Freak."
MANKIND (turning to face the Acolytes, who are still off-camera): "I don't partake of alcohol, jerks!"
ACOLYTES (still off-camera): "Yeah, you--"
(Mankind spins around and begins walking off)
MANKIND (fingers plugging his ears): "I'm not listening! I can't hear you! I can't hear you!"
"I've got a message for Mankind! You tell him that it would be in his best interests to find me before *I* find HIM."
-- Val Venis to Al Snow, as Val beats up Snow
"King, this mass of WWF fans is nothing short of electric!"
"Oh, yeah!"
(Mankind's entrance theme cranks up)
"Oh, no!"
-- Michael Cole, and Lawler in a mood swing
"Hey D'Lo, I picked you! Come ON!"
-- Lawler getting ticked when Test takes down D'Lo early in their matchup
"Everybody's making a huge deal out of this! I told you the same thing I told Austin earlier tonight."
"Well, let the Rock tell you this. Know your role, and shut your mouth! The Rock just wants to know, when we went off the air last Monday night, you had said you hoped that Vince hitting Shane in the head with the title belt was an accident. What in the living hell did you mean by that?"
"I think I spoke too soon. It's as simple as that..."
-- J.R. and the Rock backstage
LAWLER: "Wait a minute; a woman's severed head? Do they not get it, Michael? This is a mannequin's head; this is a mannequin that beauticians practice on!" (laughs)
MICHAEL COLE: "And listen to this quote: "The most obvious conclusion is that the package contains a female victim who did not survive her encounter with the muscled figures who surround her!"
("We want Head" chant starts up in the crowd)
LAWLER: "Man, I'll tell you-- the only thing gruesome about this is Al Snow's face on the box."
-- the commentators addressing the WalMart/Al Snow/Head situation and quoting from the attacking article
"That wasn't a ho! You know who that is, King!"
"Yeah! It's Stevie Richards in drag!"
"Stevie Richards dressing up as Godfather's ho, nailed Jericho with a Stevie Kick!"
"He ought to be down at Delilah's!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"We're not gonna HAVE another D-X night!"
"Shut the hell up... what a jackass!"
-- Vince McMahon (as recorded on RAW), and Triple H's comments as he watches the tape
"Look who just showed up! Edge's partner, his brother, Christian!"
"He's got no right to be here!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler as Christian shows up at ringside during the Edge/Bulldog match
(Mankind is in a strip club, having a conversation with the manager)
MANAGER: "Val's not here; I've been here all night."
MANKIND (whipping out a dollar bill): "Well, maybe ol' George will jog your memory, mister manager-man!"
GIRL (scantily clad; she grabs the dollar and tucks it in among her top): "Thank you! Would you like a dance, big boy?"
MANKIND: "Well, I would but I'm just afraid you might get hurt on my big-ass new championship belt! I think Val Venis is at that other place."
(Mankind turns to leave, pauses, turns back to pluck his dollar bill out of the girl's clothing, then heads out)
"You know, I'd really like to hear what the Posse is saying... it's probably more interesting than what you're saying, Michael Cole!"
-- Lawler as Michael Cole calls the Test/D'Lo match match; the Mean Street Posse are on the stage commenting
"The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring at a combined weight of four hundred and thirty-eight pounds, Scotty "Too Hotty" and "Grand Master Sex-ay," Too Cool!"
"Grand Master Sex-ay and Scotty Too Hotty?"
"Yeah, what?"
"PLEASE!"
-- Tony Chimmel, Michael Cole, and Lawler
"I'm feeling really frightened, now, about this whole Mankind/Al Snow team. I thought the Rock 'n' Sock Connection was bad, but this could be disastrous if these two get together!"
-- Lawler
"My concern here is with Kane. He has already experienced enough trauma, thanks to X-Pac. Please help us-- what's going on?"
"I understand your concern; I know where you're going with this. When we went off the air Monday night on RAW, I said that I hoped when Vince hit his son, Shane, that it was an accident. I spoke off the top of my head; I spoke too soon. It's the same thing I told Austin tonight; same thing I told the Rock... I'm telling you both the truth. I didn't mean anything by it, really."
-- Tori and J.R. backstage; Kane listens in the background and nods, convinced, after J.R. has finished speaking
"We are the champions of the WORLD!"
-- Mankind as he and Al Snow celebrate their championship victory backstage with Edge, the Blue Meanie, ECW's Nova, Christian, and the Hardy Boyz
"Oh my GOD, I wish I was a referee!"
"Look at referee Timmy White! Timmy White's all aboard the Ho Train!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as the hos do a dogpile on the ref
"What is THAT? Did you forget a spot here on the tape?"
"Hey, I'M not responsible for this! This is an old tape; it's my mom's tape. Just fast forward!"
"I no idea those things were hung like that..."
-- Triple H and Road Dogg while recapping the events of RAW; this exchange came when D-X ran across some footage of lions mating on their tape
"What if they were to have kids? Can you imagine?"
"Test and Stephanie?"
"Yeah!"
"They'd be beautiful children!"
"Oh, give me a break! When Test was a baby he was so ugly, he had to have tinted windows on his incubator."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole
"You're the only one that has gone against Chyna and Chris Jericho. What is your prediction?"
"Okay, let's do it this way... gimmie a "C!" Gimmie an "H!" Uh... gimmie a... "I!" Gimmie an "N!" Gimmie a "A!" Chyna Chyna Chyna!"
-- Lillian Garcia backstage with Stevie Richards, still in his cheerleading outfit that he wore while joining the Godfather's hos at ringside
(D-X is in the ring)
TRIPLE H: "Monday night, you got to see the great D-Generation X in all our glory!"
LAWLER: "It was D-X night!"
TRIPLE H: "You got to see things like... the D-O-double-G!"
(nice pop from the crowd as Road Dogg grins)
LAWLER: "Doing it doggy-style!"
TRIPLE H: "...as he kicked the living hell out of the People's Chump, the Rock!"
(crowd heat)
TRIPLE H: "You got to see the real master of disaster, X-Pac..."
(mixed crowd response)
TRIPLE H: "...beat the living hell out of Kane and his crispy little pal!"
MICHAEL COLE: "What show was HE watching?"
TRIPLE H: "And you got to see the Badd Ass..."
(mixed crowd response; mostly pop)
TRIPLE H: "...with one shot of his mighty soupbone, split the eye clean open on the Rattlesnake..." (traces the path of the wound on Gunn's face as he speaks) "...as he bled all over the ring!"
"Oh baby! OH BABY!"
-- Lawler as Terri hops into the ring
"I'm sorry, I just don't get it. What possible, what POSSIBLE explanation can you give for that comment you gave at the end of RAW Monday night? What POSSIBLE explanation?"
"I made a mistake."
"You made a mistake. You made a mistake when you thought I could actually hit my own son with that WWF title? That was a mistake? Don't you understand how I felt? I wanted my son, Shane, to be the World Wrestling Federation champion. And YOU can say what you did at the end of that program, and all you've got to say NOW is that you made a mistake. So as you stand there now, just tell me-- was it a mistake or not? How do you feel about it now, J.R.?"
"I think it was an accident. After looking at it and thinking about it, I think it was an accident, what you did, but... I'm offering you my apologies, but all I was trying to do, Vince, was my job. Just wanted to do my job; that's it. I'm sorry."
"Your apology's accepted."
-- an irate Vince McMahon and J.R. backstage
"Oh, what idiots!"
-- Lawler as Edge gives Al Snow a milk bath backstage in celebration of Snow and Mankind winning the tag team championships
A non-verbal conflict that should be included...
(Kane storms down to the ring for the main event as his entrance theme plays. In the ring, Shane tries not to look intimidated, considering this is his partner.)
(Kane steps over the top rope and gives Shane a brief sideways glance before stopping in the middle of the ring and slowly lifting his arms above his head.)
(Kane brings his arms down in a flash, and the four ringposts explode with fire. As the lights come back up, Kane looks at Shane again.)
(Shane's reaction is obvious: "You da man!")
"And, behind curtain number one..."
-- Triple H as D-Generation X narrates RAW at the top of the show; he is referring to D-X spilling out from backstage to attack the Rock
"Scotty Too Hotty... he's cool! You just don't get it, Michael, because you're not cool."
"If these two are cool, I don't want to be cool, and here comes--"
"Don't worry about it, Michael, because you're not cool."
"--Grand Master Sexy, Brian Christopher."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as Too Cool square off against the Hardy Boyz
"Now when the show came to a close, the one thing that I couldn't help but hear was good ol' J.R. sit at the announce table and say, "Na do ya think it was a mistake, for mister Mack-Man to hit his own son Shane in the head? I just hope that was an accident!"
"He's got the accent down perfect."
-- Triple H mimicking J.R., and a comment from Lawler
"The Rock smells it."
"I'm sure you do."
-- The Rock and Vince McMahon backstage, as the Rock passes Vince on his way to the ring
"Rock-- Show Me the People's Jewels"
-- a girl's sign in the crowd
"Al Snow and Mankind... there's not half a brain between them!"
-- Lawler
"Oh, he's pissing his pants right there!"
-- Triple H while recapping RAW; he is referring to Vince McMahon and footage of Triple H getting in McMahon's face
"You know what her favorite candy bar is?"
"What."
"Mounds. Ha! Oh, baby!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole on Terri
"I guess J.R. was right!"
"Vince McMahon the newest member of D-X?!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as they react to Triple H's announcement
"Doesn't he know that that's probably the biggest and only celebration he'll ever have in his life?"
-- Lawler berating Mankind for leaving the championship celebration early
"D-Generation X will compete in a Survivor Series eight-man elimination matchup against my son, Shane... against Kane..." (pop) "...against the Rock..." (big pop) "...and against Stone Cold Steve Austin!" (crowd goes nuts)
-- Vince McMahon, punctuated with a crotch-chop
"D-X isolating Shane in their corner! Shane, of course, the least experienced on his team; he's not a wrestler!"
"And he's in the wrong corner, too!"
-- Michael Cole (I would disagree; Shane is DEFINITELY a wrestler) and Lawler
"Test just gets the shoulder up before the count of three!"
"C'mon, ref; I picked D'Lo!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Living large and in charge! Look at this!"
-- Lawler as the Big Show goes on a chokeslamming rampage
"Terri doesn't like what she sees as she looks on..."
"I like what *I* see."
"Of course."
"All those curves, and me with no brakes!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler during the Too Cool/Hardy Boyz match
"And the badass of the whole deal, the Rock!"
"Thhhe ROOOOOCCCKKK!"
"Notice he doesn't get in the ring right there; I'd have beat his ass... Vince baited me by talking some crap; had me dazed with his breath..."
-- Triple H and X-Pac while recapping the events of Monday's RAW
"Wow, did they say "real" athlete?"
-- Lawler after listening to a Kurt Angle promo
"Here we go! All hell has broken loose!"
-- Michael Cole as the main event turns into an eight-man brawl
(D'Lo dives off the top rope at Test, but lands wrong; he collapses to the mat, holding his knee and gasping in pain)
MICHAEL COLE: "Wait a minute! Wait a minute..."
LAWLER: "Uh-oh."
MICHAEL COLE: "D'Lo landed wrong, and he clutched that left knee of his... Perhaps D'Lo blew out the knee..."
(Test comes over to try and peer at D'Lo)
REFEREE (shoving Test back): "Hey, c'mon! He's hurt!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Test leaning over D'Lo..."
LAWLER: "He's hurt!"
MICHAEL COLE: "And D'Lo looks like he may have blown out his knee coming off the top rope. He may have landed on wrong."
(Test comes close again and crouches over D'Lo, who takes the opportunity to roll a very surprised Test up)
MICHAEL COLE: "Wait a minute!"
LAWLER: "Look at THIS!"
MICHAEL COLE: "D'Lo rolls Test over! Here's the cover now!"
(D'Lo gets the three and releases the irate Test, as the ref calls for the bell)
LAWLER (laughing in delight): "Did you see THAT?"
(Test storms around the ring looking ticked, as the ref checks on D'Lo's injury)
MICHAEL COLE: "Yeah, and D'Lo got him! That was a count of three! D'Lo Brown upset Test; that competitive instinct of D'Lo obviously took over as he rolled up Test there after blowing out his knee!"
LAWLER: "I told you Test didn't have his mind on this match! He got beat by a one-legged guy!"
"For the love of Christ, it's a billion dollar company on the stock market; the stock's going through the friggin' roof, and we can't get a mic that works?! That's just one more reason why you should be with us, because we will always have..." (crotch chop) "...a stick that performs!"
-- Triple H after Vince's microphone keeps shorting out; to a huge pop
"Blood's thicker than water! These guys are cousins, the Hollies! They think alike, they look alike, and they fight alike."
"They're not kissing cousins, though."
"What? ...are you perverted or what?"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"Hey, you're not Val, are you? Get back in there and clean yourself up, you pervert!"
-- Mankind after dragging some guy out of a peep show
"Wham! I hit my own kid."
"And then, Hunter, you ensured that he'll never have kids again!"
"Hey, you don't know how hard it was to aim for those little things!"
-- Triple H and Road Dogg as they review Monday's RAW; they are referring to Vince hitting Shane with the title belt and Triple H's subsequent low blow on Vince
"Oh, PLEASE! Michael, I almost regurgitated when I saw that; what is poor Stephanie thinking?"
-- Lawler after watching a replay of Stephanie proposing to Test on RAW
"Y'know, violence doesn't solve ANYTHING..."
"It is NOT the answer."
-- Triple H and Road Dogg as they review the incidents of Monday's RAW
"Well, here comes trouble."
"Here comes trouble... here comes D-X!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
MANKIND: "Thanks a lot, girls! Remember-- hugs, not drugs!" (wanders off)
HO: "He is SO hot..."
ANOTHER HO: "You think HE'S hot?"
(camera pans around to get a shot of the departing Mankind scratching his butt as he heads for the exit)
-- Mankind and the Godfather's hos backstage; the hos have just given Mankind directions to a few local strip bars where Val Venis might be found
"Y'know, Michael... there's actually one too many of us out here at this broadcast table, and I think it's you."
-- Lawler
"It's over! Mankind and Al Snow; the best friends have won the tag team titles! Can you believe it, King?"
"I don't WANT to believe it!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"We're actually seeing Austin and the Rock work as a team here!"
-- Lawler during the main event
"I wanted them to keep the lights off; I was going to get into the ring and feel my way around!"
-- Lawler after Jericho's entrance; Lawler had an inkling to get in the ring after the hos
"That reminds me of the first time I got married! I got married by a judge; I should have asked for a jury."
-- Lawler
"Ringmaster Steve Austin!"
-- Triple H as he and the rest of D-X watches a replay of Austin coming down to the ring for his main event on RAW
"Vince McMahon clocked Stone Cold with the championship!... King, it was deja vu from Monday night when Vince hit his son Shane, costing Shane a matchup! Tonight he hit Stone Cold with the championship belt; he cost Austin this match! Triple H... I don't think Vince believes what he just did, and Stone Cold's looking back... King, I've got to ask the same question J.R asked Monday night-- it was an accident... wasn't it?"
-- Michael Cole
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