Quotes: SmackDown!, November 11, 1999
Taped 11/09/99 from Baltimore, MD (sold out)
D-X comes out to offer lewd comments and admit that the girl they were seen attacking on RAW was not Stephanie McMahon. Vince books them in the main event; Test runs in and they bloody him. Kurt Angle vignette. Arnold Schwaszendgger is shown arriving and chatting with other wrestlers backstage. Vignette on the Big Show's father, and footage of the Big Boss Man interrupting the funeral and making off with the casket. Backstage interview with Chyna and Miss Kitty; Jericho attacks and then cuts a promo on the stage. D-X makes plans to attack Schwarzenegger; lots of funny spots, including them attacking the wrong guy and getting beaten up by their main event opponents. Vince and Schwarzenegger do an in-ring interview.
Hardcore Holly (w/ Crash Holly & scale) defeats Edge (w/ Christian). The Dudley Boyz defeat the Godfather (w/ hos) and D'Lo Brown. Val Venis vs. the British Bulldog goes to a no-contest when Steve Blackman, Mark Hensy, Fangrel, and the Mean Street Posse interfere. WWF Hardcore Championship: the Big Boss Man (C) defeats Faarooq; Prince Albert and Bradshaw run in. Brian "Grand Master Sexay" Christopher (w/ Scotty "Too Hotty" Taylor") defeats Jeff Hardy (w/ Matt Hardy & Terri). WWF Womens Championship: Ivory (C) vs. Tori goes to a no-contest when Luna, Jacqueline, Debra, Mae Young, the Fabulous Moolah, and Terri interfere and cause a brawl. Eight-man elimination match: the Rock, Kane, Test, and Shane McMahon defeat D-X; Steve Austin and Schwarzenegger interfere.
"I Snuck In Here"
-- sign in the crowd
"With Survivor Series looming just three days away on pay-per-view, we welcome you to SmackDown on UPN! The fans in Baltimore, King, are jacked in the anticipation of the arrival of major film star Arnold Schwarzenegger!"
"Yeah!"
-- Michael Cole and Jerry "the King" Lawler opening things up
"Hasta la vista, baby!"
-- the Rock to Arnold Schwarzenegger, swiping a new catch phrase
"As promised, once again, D-Generation X on top of the world... and you know what? Now that I think about it, Monday night, the world wasn't the only thing we were on top of!"
-- Triple H
"There's no way, man; look at your face! You're not going out there tonight!"
"Shane, screw it! He's gone too far this time!"
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa; the Rock says it just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter about the broken nose; what matters is that we go out there and lay the smackdown on their candy asses!"
-- Shane McMahon, Test, and the Rock arguing backstage as Kane looks on
"Wait a minute.... OHHH, baby!"
-- Lawler watching the hos climb into the ring
"Can I get one more autograph?"
"I've given you four already; what's the matter with you?"
-- Lawler and Schwarzenegger at ringside
"Roll that beautiful bean footage!"
-- Triple H to the producers, looking for RAW clips
"Did you say-- how many matches?"
"Ten BIG matches!"
"That's tie bhggest Survivor Series ever!"
"Including the Triple Threat match; Stone Cold, the Rock, Triple H for the World Wrestling Federation championship; Vince McMahon the special guest referee..."
"Whoa, speaking of biggest ever... y'know, those could make a sucker out of me!"
-- Lawler and Michael Cole (Lawler referring to a shot of Terri there at the end)
"I'm here to pump you up!"
"I'm here to pump you up!"
-- X-Pac mocking Schwarzenegger back in the locker room, and Schwarzenegger saying it in the ring seconds later
"Where's that dress? Show me that dress."
"They've still got Stephanie's dress?!"
"I think we might need to check that thing for some DNA."
"It's got a stain on it... there's a stain right here."
"Did you try to clean it?"
"I tried to clean it with bleach; can't you smell?"
"Smells like bleach! ...Not sure if that's bleach, though."
-- D-X members (plus a comment from Lawler in there) while discussing the attack on RAW
"I guess he's just home sulking or... yeah, and Mankind's there trying to console him or whatever... but let's face it! Al Snow's a LOSER! I mean, he lost the match; he lost the tag team titles... face it, Al! And you're SUCH a loser, you got your action figure pulled off the shelves!"
-- Lawler
"Boss Man... you think what you did at the Big Show's father's funeral was mean, nasty, and cruel? No, let me TELL you what's mean, nasty, and cruel, brother! It's when I take that hardcore belt tonight and shove it up yo ass!"
-- Faarooq, as he receives babyface pops
"I'll tell you something-- if this is any indication of what Survivor Series is going to be like, it's going to be the biggest Survivor Series ever!"
-- Lawler
TRIPLE H: "The truth of the matter is, Vince, and for all of you, Stephanie McMahon wasn't actually wearing that dress. No, it was some skank drama student from Penn State University that got the thrill of her life by going up close with Mr. Ass! And I'll tell you what-- watching that footage; I mean, I know Schwarzenegger's gonna be here tonight..."
(crowd pops huge)
TRIPLE H: "Yeah... whoop-de-doo! Schwarzenegger's gonna be here tonight and he's a hell of an actor, but the truth of the matter is, THAT was some good acting."
BILLY GUNN: "Oh oh oh, hold on; that broad was not acting, 'cause I think I punctured one of her lungs!"
(Road Dogg starts laughing so hard he ends up doubled over the middle rope)
LAWLER (at ringside): "Wow..."
MICHAEL COLE (completely missing that): "King, they're saying it was a trick!"
TRIPLE H: "All right... easy, easy tough guy! I know you're all man and three yards long, but I don't think you went that far!" (Gunn begins debating that point with a snickering Road Dogg and X-Pac) "The truth of the matter is, Monday night just shows what D-X is capable of. And speaking of capable, at Survivor Series, I WILL BE the most capable man in the World Wrestling Federation!"
(crowd heat)
MICHAEL COLE: "That's this Sunday on pay-per-view!"
TRIPLE H: "And I know that there has been a lot of problems with everybody else, and mistakes. A lot of mistakes have been made..."
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
TRIPLE H (listens briefly): "For example, HE is one of the biggest screwups making the mistakes! I, on the other hand, do not MAKE mistakes. Survivor Series will be no different; I will make no mistakes, and it does not matter if I have to go through Austin, if I have to go through the Rock, even if I have to go through Vince McMahon himself as the referee! I will walk out of Survivor Series Sunday, THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! Because I am... THAT... DAMN... GOOD."
"Is it cold in here?"
-- Lawler as he checks out a little ho clevage
"Ar-nold! Ar-nold! Ar-nold!"
"I'm speechless... it is great to be here in front of the five hundred million people that are seeing this right now!" (Lawler laughs in delight) "It is extraordinary! You, Vince, you're a champion!" (Vince is grinning like crazy) "You have built an empire; congratulations!"
-- the crowd and Schwarzenegger
"Senton bomb over the top rope caught Christopher!"
"Caught who? Now wait a minute--"
"Sorry... Grand Master Sexay..."
"Yeah, don't pull a Buh Buh Ray Douglas and have a speech impediment. You HAVE a speech impediment, you know that?"
"No I don't."
"Yes you do; it's your foot! Keep it out of your mouth!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
"He looks MAD!"
-- a delighted X-Pac to Triple H, as Vince McMahon heads to the stage
"I better go over there and get between Debra and Terri Runnels! They might pull each other's clothing off!"
-- Lawler as Debra and Terri get into a shoving match at ringside
"The vultures kicking at the carcass of Val Venis!"
-- Michael Cole as the Mean Street Posse pounce on Val Venis, causing a melee
(Kevin Kelly is backstage with Chyna and Miss Kitty)
KEVIN KELLY: "Chyna, Chris Jericho wants to become Intercontinental champion, and he'll have his opportunity this Sunday at Survivor Series on pay-per-view. But it seems as if the issue between you and Jericho has gotten very personal."
CHYNA: "Well, I think basically, Kevin Kelly, it boils down to envy."
MISS KITTY: "You mean like, penis envy?"
CHYNA: "No."
MISS KITTY: "Well..." (holding her fingers a couple of inches apart) "...We all know he has that!"
CHYNA: "Yeah, maybe he does, but I mean the Chyna envy."
KEVIN KELLY: "V-Vagina?"
MISS KITTY: "No, the CHYNA."
CHYNA: "Why wouldn't he? Let's face it. I'm bigger than he is, I'm faster than he is, I'm stronger than he is--"
MISS KITTY: "We all know you're more beautiful than he is!"
CHYNA: "Thanks, Kitty! But more importantly, Kevin Kelly, there's something that he's never gonna be, and that's a champion. That's what I am. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. I AM the Intercontinental Champion. I'll tell you what; this Sunday at Survivor Series, I'm gonna give Chris Jericho an equal-opportunity ass-kicking!"
"You know, there are a lot of things I could do about the stunt you pulled. First of all, I could walk down to that ring and fire every one of your asses on the spot! Or, I could go back to my locker room, come back with an equalizer, and leave every damn one of you a bloody mess! But that's not what I'm gonna do. Just as you've had you fun, I'm going to have my fun at Survivor Series as the guest referee. And as far as tonight is concerned-- IN... THAT... VERY... RING!"
-- Vince McMahon
"C'mon, sweet thing!"
-- Chris Jericho violently attacking Chyna backstage
"They've got a new definition of Happy Hour in bars now... Happy Hour starts when the Acolytes leave!"
-- Lawler
"He doesn't know what he's started..."
-- Chyna as EMTs tend to her after being attacked by Jericho
"Vince, you want to come out here; you want to play a little one upsmanship? I'll tell you what; that's fine! You make your threats. But when you walk back there and you look into your daughter's face and she's smiling... Vince, you gotta ask yourself: is Stephanie smiling because she's laughing at Test because he's just that rotten in the sack? Or is she smiling because she's thinking about exactly what D-X could do to her IN the sack?"
-- Triple H
"Agility? That's suicidal; he's an idiot!"
-- Lawler as Jeff Hardy pulls off a senton bomb over the top rope
"Piledriver, and D'Lo just bounced about two feet in the air!"
-- Michael Cole as Buh Buh Ray plants D'Lo with a DDT
"Michael, I think we're in the danger zone here..."
-- Lawler getting uncomfortable as the Boss Man/Faarooq hardcore fight spills into the announce table
"Did he just-- he just gave him a belt!"
"Who the hell'd Schwarzenegger ever beat? I work my ass off my whole life for that, and he gives it to that jackass?"
-- Mr. Ass and Triple H backstage, after watching Vince and Schwarzenegger in the ring
"The scary thing is, King... can you imagine what D-Generation X IS capable of?"
"I'm gonna tell you something-- look, they've bloodied Test up already... what a way to start off SmackDown, Michael! This is gonna be some night; I can assure you of that!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler
(Backstage, D-X hides in a hallway waiting to jump Schwarzenegger... someone walks around the corner and the four men jump him and beat him down)
BILLY GUNN: "Wait-- that's not him!"
(The four stop and stare)
TRIPLE H: "Who the hell's this?"
(They look at each other. Road Dogg shrugs, then they start attacking the poor guy again just for the hell of it.)
"The Rock can't wait for you new film to come out, "End of Days!" As a matter of fact, the Rock's seen all your films. As a matter of FACT, this Sunday for that jabroni Triple H, it might be the end of days for HIM!"
"I can smell what you're cooking, I'll tell you that. And by the way... there are a lot of jabronis out in Hollywood!"
-- the Rock and Schwarzenegger conversing backstage
"Well, no use trying to get any numbers from the hos there, D'Lo!"
-- Lawler as D'Lo suffers a low blow
(Triple H, Road Dogg, and Mr. Ass are sitting back in a locker room)
TRIPLE H: "He's ALWAYS gonna be one-upping us; trying to one-up us, right? I mean, Austin's the special referee, the Rock is this, Austin that-- oooh, I hate that son of a bitch!"
ROAD DOGG: "There's gotta be something we can do to get him, tonight. There's gotta be something we can do."
BILLY GUNN: "You know what? After what you said about Stephanie tonight, there's no way we're getting anywhere NEAR her. She'll be under lock and key for sure."
TRIPLE H: "There's gotta be SOMEthing..."
ROAD DOGG (putting his feet on the table): "We've just got to think."
(X-Pac walks into the room)
X-PAC: "Hey, guys..."
ROAD DOGG: "Hey, kiddo."
X-PAC (grinning): "Guess what? ...Arnold Schwarzenegger's here! The "Austrian Oak!"
(The possibilities dawn on D-X, and they begin laughing)
TRIPLE H: "That's gonna be a nice little piece of business, right there..."
"Don't get excited like you normally do!"
"You guys, please, behave yourselves!"
-- Brisco to Patterson, and Vince to both stooges as they await the arrival of Schwarzenegger
"Hey listen, big man! I'm here to pay my respects just like everybody else did! So if you don't wanna be six feet deep, lying beside your dear old daddy, you'll listen to your mama! Hey Ms. Wight... now that you're a single woman, would you like to go out with a man like me?"
-- Big Boss Man on a megaphone, interrupting the funeral of the Big Show's father
"Chyna... what I did to you right now in the back room was a warning. And believe me, I feel absolutely horrible that I had to do that. It hurt me a LOT more than it hurt you!"
-- Chris Jericho
(Brian "Grand Master Sexay" Christopher yells something unintelligible in the ring as he beats on Jeff Hardy)
MICHAEL COLE: "What did he say?"
LAWLER: "Um... uh... pay attention, Michael!"
MICHAEL COLE: "I figured you could translate for me."
"Ha! Did you see that?"
"And look at that; Hardcore and Crash... they are cousins, on their way to the ring..."
-- Lawler and Michael Cole as Crash accidentally whops Hardcore in the head with the scale
"Ivory's in the mood for a title fight tonight! So what do you say, Tori? If you can drag yourself out from underneath that big red retard boyfriend of yours for a minute... how 'bout a little tangle? I hear she's into smoked sausage! Ha!"
-- Ivory, seconds before getting clobbered by Tori
"Can we check out the hos again?"
-- Lawler during the Godfather/D'Lo/Dudley match
"We want puppies! We want puppies! We want puppies!"
-- a delighted crowd as Debra comes down to ringside
"Stone Cold Is Fat"
-- big sign in the crowd
"He's like the devil! Look at this; Satan himself!"
-- Schwarzenegger comparing Kane's appearance to that of Satan
"Don't show up at Survivor Series ready to wrestle! Show up at Survivor Series ready to bow down and kiss the feet of the savior of the World Wrestling Federation-- Y... 2... J!"
-- Chris Jericho to Chyna
"When Arnold Schwarzenegger gets out here, don't embarrass me by, y'know, slobbering all over him, asking for an autograph, that sort of stuff."
-- Lawler to Michael Cole
"I can't wait to see how YOU'RE going to kiss up to him when he gets out here."
"What do you mean, kiss up to him? I'm a big movie star myself, you know!"
"Oh please... oh, that's right."
"That's RIGHT!"
-- Michael Cole and Lawler moments after the above quote
"Daddy always wanted to be a drag queen, Big Show! And I'm gonna make him a drag queen, right here, right now!"
-- Big Boss Man as he chains the coffin of the Big Show's father to the back of his car
"Don't embarrass me..."
-- Vince to Patterson, as Patterson finds himself flustered in the presence of Schwarzenegger
"Derailed! Ho Train derailed!"
-- Lawler as Buh Buh Ray intercepts the Ho Train
"Hey; wait a minute, Triple H.... it's Kane! It's Kane!"
-- Michael Cole as D-X opens the wrong door backstage while looking for Schwarzenegger and a black-gloved hand shoots out, closes around Triple H's throat, and drags him inside
"Coming up, King, footage of the funeral of the Big Show's father from earlier today, and you're not going to believe what happened."
"Well, I KNOW what happened and it is the most unbelievable... ah... I'm at a loss for words. Horrific, heinous... you just cannot believe what you're going to see here. It was awful."
"It was an atrocity."
"Come get on da HOOOOOOO Train..."
-- Michael Cole and Lawler, with the entrance music of the Godfather causing our boys to lighten up QUICK
"Hey, Vince! This your boy here, Vince? See your kid, Vince!"
-- Triple H yelling at the camera during the main event, as he beats up on Shane
"I'm looking forward to watching you open up a can of whoop-ass at Survivor Series!"
-- Schwarzenegger to Stone Cold backstage, as Austin listens with a cute condescending expression I'm sure was unintentional
"It... doesn't... matter!"
-- the Rock climbing into the ring, showing no fear of the three D-X members waiting on him
"I've heard, Michael, that this Sunday the Godfather's gonna pull out his finest, A-1 quality hos for Survivor Series. Dee-troit's finest!"
-- Lawler
"You know something, Al Snow? The most pathetic thing the Big Valbowski has ever seen is the fact that, after seventeen years of you, Al Snow, performing in this business, your only claim to fame is the fact that you had your doll.... JERKED OFF the shelves of some second-rate K-Mart. And, Al Snow, I find it absolutely appalling that you treat women like objects. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, Al Snow... that's MY gimmick. *I* treat women like objects!"
"You people will have to excuse me for being a little bit late! As you can well see, I was at a funeral I felt obligated to attend!"
"Not a week goes by that these Internet geeks or somebody doesn't mention the big TRAGEDY that took place at the '97 Survivor Series, involving, of course, Mr. McMahon. They even made movies about the '97 Survivor Series! Something about Survivor Series seems to bring out the worst, or maybe the best, in Vince McMahon."
"Arnold Schwarzenegger just took down Triple H! All hell has broken loose!"
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
"Shut up! See, Big Show-- I mean, Big Freak Show-- it doesn't matter what partners you get at Survivor Series. Your chances of beating me are about as stiff as your DAD!"
-- the Big Boss Man
-- Lawler
-- Michael Cole as Triple H takes a swing at Arnold, misses, and gets clobbered for his trouble
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